Have to sell horses... :( - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 06:38 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Fairmont, WV
Posts: 7
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Have to sell horses... :(

Well, I'm having problems getting others to understand... I have a 7 week old son and my husband told me he wants a divorce... I'm 27 and we've been together for 9 years. The hardest part for me right now is having to sell my horses... Jasmine and Shadow have been part of my family for 4 1/2 years... Jasmine, the best horse under saddle I've ever met, and Shadow, my class clown... It's always been a dream of mine to own a horse, and my (ex)husband bought me my first horse 8 years ago... Who wouldn't marry a man who makes your dreams come true??? Any one else have to go through this? My family can't begin to understand... not only has anyone in my family ever gotten a divorce, but none of them have ever owned a horse... Just feeling really bummed...
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post #2 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 06:54 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Jul 2009
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Sorry for the crap you must be going thru. This sucks. I can only send you prayers and hugs.
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post #3 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 06:58 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Ohio
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There is no way you guys could work this out? My friend is going through a VERY similiar situation. She wants to divorce him because he recently admitted that he is seeing someone else and she is pregnant. So she has moved into her moms. She is bringing me her horse because she can't afford to keep him now. The most important thing you need to deal with right now is stabilizing the environment around your children. They are the ones that are going to be affected by this the most because everything that happens around them now has a very lasting affect.

I'm not saying you don't need to worry about you and your dream about horses. Maybe you could do free leases that way when you are stable again you can get your horses back. If you worry about picking up all the pieces it won't be long before you are where you want to be without him, standing on your own two feet so that if it ever happens again it won't be a problem.

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post #4 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 07:00 PM
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Northern Utah
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Horses will come and go. Your biggest problem right now is that you have a 7 week old son that is about to be without a father. I sympathize for you but not so much about the horses. Focus on the things that are really important and worry about owning a horse again later.

There's nothing like the Rockies in the springtime... Nothing like the freedom in the air... And there ain't nothing better than draggin calves to the fire and there's nothing like the smell of burning hair. -Brenn Hill
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post #5 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 07:30 PM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Greenville area / SC
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Well said, Kevin.

WV, I'm sorry to welcome you to the forum under your circumstances. Your children need you more then the horses do and, as Kevin said, there will be other horses in your lifetime but your children need you now.

I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

It's not always what you say but what they hear.
iridehorses is offline  
post #6 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 09:03 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Fairmont, WV
Posts: 7
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Trust me, my son is my biggest priority... that's why I'm selling the horses instead of boarding them... I'm putting my son as my first priority so I'm parting with everything "extra". Living with my parents has provided a wonderful, loving, and stable environment for me and my son, but definitely not a permanent plan. My (ex)husband still wants visitation rights, but I know that we're better off away from him. I don't believe in divorce, but a verbally abusive relationship is no place to raise my son. I've been strong through everything else I've been through, but this step is like pulling off a band-aid. I'm an RN, so I'm not rich by any means, but I've given up on horses for about the next 18-20 years... Jacob, my son, is so beautiful and worth every sacrifice I don't regret anything, and there's nothing I would redo... I just had to have a few tears over a goodbye with close friends. I just hope they go to good homes.
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post #7 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 09:12 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Spotsylvania, VA
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I'm sorry WV. It's not easy raising a baby on your own. You have made the right decision. And who knows, you may be stabilized sooner than you think. Sending prayers.

Honary "HFA" member...That's right, I'm admitting it!

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post #8 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 09:34 PM
Join Date: Feb 2010
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I am so sorry. I went through a divorce. Divorce makes things worse for a while and then things get better. My mom alwasy told me "It will all be okay- I don't know when, but it will be." And it is. We co-parent successfully now because we are the only two who are my daughter's parents and despite our faults, she loves us unconditionally. If you plan on going to court, document everything- phone calls, missed visits, yellings.... if you can keep your communication to emails so you can print them out and take them to court if need be. Layerratings.com has an amazing list of lawyers and that is how I found mine.

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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post #9 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 09:49 PM
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: central PA
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I went through something similiar when I became preg. with my daughter. At that time I owned a young 3 year old Appy gelding. I got him when he was a weanling and was very attached to this horse. My childs father and I split while I was 3 months along and I was faced with what to do at that point in my life. I was young ...early 20's , preg. and had a young horse who was just starting under saddle. It broke my heart to have to give that horse up but I knew I was doing the best for my baby.
I still think about him(Appy) , he is kept pretty close to me actually, and I know he has a great home forever home. I am remarried now and my husband has been very supportive of my love of horses and was able to have another horse and now we own two horses. Both of them I think are great in different ways!

I have found that many people (especially non horse people) dont understand that you dont want to give up your horses, they say its just a horse!! I do agree that horses come and go but your children are what is most important when it comes right down to it.

Would it be possible to sell one of your horses and free lease the other one like shutupjoe suggested? You could do a long term free lease where you still own the horse but dont have the finiancial commitment? (just a thought)
Good luck, I am sure after some soul searching you will come up with what is best for you and your situation.
If you ever need to talk , please do not hesitate to PM me...it is good to have as much support as you need, being new mom especially : )

Horses and children, I often think, have a lot of the good sense there is in the world.
Josephine Demott Robinson
Feed, muck, groom, ride. Repeat daily!
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post #10 of 12 Old 10-20-2010, 10:01 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
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What I heard from your original post was that you were resigned to the loss of your horses but you felt that others did not understand how very much that hurt you, to have to let them go. Other folks were just expecting you to shed them easily and get on with your life, after all "they're just horses".
So, you are being an adult and putting your son first, but it hurts and you wish others would know how much. Truth is, since those concerned might not be able to comprehend the depth of your grief, and your trying to make them understand only makes it appear more trivial , I think you'd be best to do your grieving on your own. They cannot feel it like you, so will never satisfy your desire for sympathy. Better to hold it to your own heart where it is just your own feeling , no need to justify or explain. That's too much energy when right now you will need all your energy to move forward and raise the lovely boy.
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