Help me convince my BF - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 06:41 PM
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Okay

When you purchase any horse, rescued or otherwise, as other members alluded to.. the horse will not be a cookie cutter as is. A horse has the ability to change depending on its handling, diet, and overall environment.

That being said, it should be YOUR CHOICE on whether you buy or 'rescue'

I think the most important thing when selecting a horse is DOES IT FIT YOUR NEEDS!

Your boyfriend has no right to tell you what you are allowed to buy because he does not own you, he is not your father, and you are your own person. If you were married, it'd be different but it would be a compromise instead of one person calling the shots.

Get the horse YOU want. Does not mean you won't fall off or health problems will come up.

It's a horse, not a motorcycle.
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post #22 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 06:56 PM
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Curry goat is also an excellent Jamaican dish.

Solution here is simple, buy (not rescue) two good horses, both of you ride.
This should be your goal for a compromise.

As for rescue, you cannot save the world it requires very deep pockets.



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post #23 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 06:57 PM
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You're right in wanting to purchase a suitable horse for your first horse. Horses aren't dogs or cats, where dealing with issues is usually not dangerous, with horses if they have issues that you can't deal with they can be very dangerous.

Also, I think when horses are rescued by people who don't know what they need to know, it actually can give the horse a worse future. By letting a horse get away with dangerous behaviour, or not correcting things, can mean that the horse get worse. Then when they're too dangerous for their rescuers, they are sold on worse.

To be honest I think you really need to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss things with him. It's not my place to butt in on your relationship, or comment on it, but from my experience it shouldn't be up to you to change someone, or up to you to help them realise something. I've done that in the past, and in the long term it doesn't work out. You can tell them how you feel about things, but then it's up to them to make the changes they feel they need to make.

It's not his place to tell you what you can or cannot buy. As a serious couple you'd discuss large purchases, and purchases that have such large time requirements, but no person in any relationship should ever seriously say "no, you can't". That's when things start to get dodgy, in my opinion. He's the one that should be convincing you of his opinion, not the other way around.
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post #24 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 07:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Winterose View Post
Guys he isn't saying I cant have a horse, he is just saying I cant buy one, So i could rescue one, be given one, find one wandering wild in a field and catch it...

he is big on rescue and i get that, but for my first horse that isn't the path i want to take just because of how many uncertainties and problems you can have with a horse whose history you might not fully know and whose problems may not be known

We're working on it, and im slowly plugging away at his no animal purchases mindset but i was hoping for a way to make it faster, just now actually i was able to make a comment about buying a horse in the future and he didn't feel the need to squawk at the buying part. so i may be wearing him down faster than i thought i was.

he is a stubborn momma's boy who is use to having his way. I've put a lot of effort into helping him realize how the real world works and getting him to move out of mommas house no matter how upset she got. we're making progress slowly but surely. I promise you he isn't abusive and is actually the sweetest guy i ever met, he is just a big stubborn mommas boy who needs some tweaking in how he sees things which takes time, but he is learning

and we will always have separate finances according to him because he watching joint accounts and such destroy his parents relationship so he doesn't want to go down that path, don't ask me how we are going to split things, cause I'm not really sure how that will work yet, someone will most likely end up having to pay rent, but as i have found with him, and oddly enough stubborn horses a little steady persistence and redirection get through to him eventually


Winterose, thanks for the clarification. Please realize that many of the responses you have gotten are from women that have ALOT of experience with men and who have been around the block a time or two. We have history to back up our opinions.

This is the little that I know. If I want something, that I can afford, I will consult my husband (most of the time) and purchase it. I do not have to convince him of the value, although at times this is an important factor for him. My husband respects me so dang much that he will agree with me. The only time we ever disagree is when money is tighter for us. Otherwise we each hold our own values, that are mostly consistent, but not always. We love each other enough to allow each of us to be an individual. While I am his wife, he does not own me or my values.

Your attempt to convince him that a "new horse" would be better than a "used horse" tells me something about your relationship and the value he places on your opinion. Just be very leary of marrying such a person. Good luck and I hope you find a great horse!!
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post #25 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 07:42 PM
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A rock solid bomb proof horse will be far less expensive than many thousands in hospital bills! Of course any horse can potentially injure you, but one with a known track record is a safer bet.

Maybe explain it like this: it is like if a total stranger gave you a car, but had welded the hood closed and you also couldn't look underneath it. Most likely the free car is going to have some major issues (otherwise why would they just give it away). Maybe the steering is going out, brakes are shot, worn timing belt, no air bags, oil leak, etc. but since you can't look inside you wouldn't know about all the issues until they came up and you crashed (you get injured by horse) or the car broke down (horse is lame or sick). Now there is a slight chance that someone would give a perfectly good car away, but a MUCH higher chance that the car will have some issues and the chance of problems due to these defects are much greater than BUYING a used car where you are able to look underneath, pop the hood, examine the engine, and get all of the maintenance records from the previous owners. While the used car that you purchased might still have some issues, at least you have the prior knowledge to get them fixed before there is a wreck.

I do agree that from your description perhaps we don't have the full story. Like 'why' he is so adamant that you not buy a horse? Is it because of the finances, or simply that there are so many animals needing a good home? The cost of a bomb proof older horse also might well be less than months of professional training for a young or untrained horse.

IMO your health, your well being and safety should over-rule any financial aspect within your means. IMO if he truly loved you those things should be equally important to him and should over-rule his principals of "never buying".
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post #26 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 08:00 PM
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Your BF need to understand that the beginning investment ("rescue, auction vs buy a good one) is a very MINOR part of the equation. All will cost the same board, but the "rescue" may actually cost you more because of needed training, health issues, etc.

I have a DH (of 35+ yrs) who is allergic (I am talking asthma and hospitals here) when it comes to horses. Yet-he realizes what they mean to me and would never think of asking me NOT to have one, unless our joint finances did not allow (which we nay be approaching). Then it will be a joint decision. Shoot-he even built me our "dream house" on a farm with a "decontamination" bathroom, so I could strip as I came in the door. You need to find such a person.

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post #27 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 08:14 PM
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BIG RED FLAG

It sounds like he has, or will have, control issues! First it's you can do this, then who's on the phone, then you cant talk to that person.... before you know it your going to end up walled up in a house not talking to any family members being physcally and emotionally abused.

He didn't say lets *talk* about it. Or lets *wait and see*. Not cool.

My girlfriend doesn't like horses. She tolerates being around them, she doesn't ride and she will never lift a finger at the barn. That being said she supports me 100%. She will some times come to the barn, go to shows, and I ever gave her a pony ride one time. She knows i've been waiting a lifetime to buy my own horse after college and she supports my dream. Likewise I go to her roller derby practices and cheer her on at games.

Your significant other doesn't have to have the same dreams as you but they should support you in your endeavors! If they don't I can't see the relationship being happy or very long.
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post #28 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 08:33 PM
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I think he should be concerned that you get the safest horse possible.

Obviously, there is not a lot of horse knowledge here. A free or rescue can end up costing you FAR MORE MONEY than a well-broke saddle mount. He needs to be a lot more opened minded on this horse thing. This is not a 10 pound cat but a 1000 pound animal that can cause serious harm if it is frightened or mishandled. Rescues so often come with issues and it works best to have at least a good equine foundation to work through some issues. Just loving them rarely is a cure-all.
I wish you luck...especially with getting the BF to be more realistic.

If you ever find yourself in a fair fight, it's because your tactics suck. ~ Marine 1SGT J. Reifinger
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post #29 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 09:07 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dustbunny View Post
I think he should be concerned that you get the safest horse possible.

Obviously, there is not a lot of horse knowledge here. A free or rescue can end up costing you FAR MORE MONEY than a well-broke saddle mount. He needs to be a lot more opened minded on this horse thing. This is not a 10 pound cat but a 1000 pound animal that can cause serious harm if it is frightened or mishandled. Rescues so often come with issues and it works best to have at least a good equine foundation to work through some issues. Just loving them rarely is a cure-all.
I wish you luck...especially with getting the BF to be more realistic.
I think he thinks cause i've been riding forever and helped care for horses that i can handle it, which may be true once i get back into riding, but it doesn't mean i want to! or that its the safest option.

But he is also under the impression that when i teach him to ride that he wont fall off at all, HAHA i so plan on laughing my *** off when he does, i mean some people have better balance/leg muscle and such than others but everyone falls now and then. he has allot to learn.
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post #30 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 10:49 PM
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I honestly don't get how anyone could be with somebody who tells them what they can and cannot do - especially if you are not yet married. Even once you are married, IMHO that is not at all acceptable. Discuss pros/cons? yes, come to a mutual agreement? yes. Flat out "no" (at least without GOOD reason)? nope, not for me. I am not saying you should get absolutely everything you desire in a relationship/marriage, but as long as it is within reason (ie: you can afford a horse/have the time/etc), then what's the big deal? You're aloud to have your own life & make your own decisions. If not, time to move on.

Above all, find a horse that suits your needs. If it's from a rescue - great, if not - so what?
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