Help me convince my BF - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 10:57 PM
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My dad was like that. He is not particularly fond of animals (he's runs a slaughterhouse) and my mom loves them. He practically proposed to her with a horse.

He maintains that he doesn't like animals and forbids her from buying them and yet she comes home with new creatures all the time. She's like, "Hey honey, I'm bringing a horse home when I come back from horse camping." Or "Hey, so I saw a dog at the mill today. I'm going to buy him."

And he always says no, but apparently he's not totally serious because we currently have three horses, three cats, and a dog. (He secretly likes them all :p)

But with your guy, I would view the opinion of animals as a rather large red flag. Animals are like children - a big (almost) lifetime commitment. If he's so against them I would be very concerned.

Oh, and my dad's slaughterhouse isn't really a slaughterhouse but it used to be a cattle one. It's a rendering plant now. He picks up deceased livestock from farms (mostly cattle, sometimes horses) and processes them for the pet food industry. He doesn't actually slaughter them very often. Sometimes someone drops of the "family pet" and then he has to shoot it. I just don't want people jumping on me for my dad's job lol.

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post #32 of 56 Old 10-10-2013, 11:28 PM
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I'm not going to jump on the whole "ZOMG your boyfriend is going to be an abusive a-hole" bandwagon because I do not know him. If the actual words "not allowed" were said to you then yes, that is very concerning and I'd advise you think long and hard about your future together.

However I'm picking up a different tone from your posts and I think his "not allowed" is probably more of a moral issue he has with buying an animal vs trying to control your actions. I get the morality thing, I really do. I quit being friends with someone because they didn't spay their dog.

But really relationships are about compromise. In an effort to respect his morals you should be willing to look at horse rescues to see what they have to offer (our local one has foals and yearlings all the time...and you can take them home as soon as they are available for adoption) and likewise he should support you scanning for sale ads and evaluating horses for sale. In the end it should be about getting the best horse for your needs regardless of where it comes from.
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post #33 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 03:21 PM
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I am confused about one thing: you say he came from an affluent family? If so, why would he balk at the initial price of an animal to begin with? Particularly when he doesn't seem to care about the costs that will inevitably come after? I guess I'm confused about the logistics of the situation.
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post #34 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 03:24 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Zexious View Post
I am confused about one thing: you say he came from an affluent family? If so, why would he balk at the initial price of an animal to begin with? Particularly when he doesn't seem to care about the costs that will inevitably come after? I guess I'm confused about the logistics of the situation.
Its not the money he has issue with. He is a big animal advocate and believes all breeding and sale of animals is wrong when there are so many unwanted animals being killed in shelters all over the place.
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post #35 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 03:27 PM
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^I think your health concerns should speak for themselves. A rescue, which quite often times comes with a great deal of baggage, just isn't safe. All horses are unpredictable, but those who have been in abusive situations, or under circumstances that brought them to a rescue can be particularly so. Surely he is willing to put your well being above his ideologies.
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post #36 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 03:39 PM
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I'd compare it to buying a used car. If you go on Craiglist (aka rescue) and look up any Joe Shmo with a used car you run the risk of buying a broken down, beat up hunk of crap, with issues. It will probably cost you more then the value of the car in the long run. Now, if you go to a dealer (aka knowledge and reputable horse person) the odds of you getting a well kept car are much greater.

Of course you can find diamond in the rough on craigslist and buy beaters from a dealer, I'm not saying it not possible. But when buying "used" its a good idea to have professional eye.

Horses end up in rescues for a reason. I'm sure there are a few who slip the cracks, but GOOD beginner safe and sound horses and ponies are worth their weight in gold! They are not likely to be found in a rescue setting since they are VERY useful and purposeful.
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post #37 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Zexious View Post
^I think your health concerns should speak for themselves. A rescue, which quite often times comes with a great deal of baggage, just isn't safe. All horses are unpredictable, but those who have been in abusive situations, or under circumstances that brought them to a rescue can be particularly so. Surely he is willing to put your well being above his ideologies.
I think he thinks fixing a rescue horse is like fixing a rescue dog which more often than not is easy and safe. I dont think he is comprehending the extra danger adding an extra 1000+ lbs to the problem is. im working on it tho. I may just buy a horse and tell him it was a rescue. i have a friend willing to cover for me.

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I'd compare it to buying a used car. If you go on Craiglist (aka rescue) and look up any Joe Shmo with a used car you run the risk of buying a broken down, beat up hunk of crap, with issues. It will probably cost you more then the value of the car in the long run. Now, if you go to a dealer (aka knowledge and reputable horse person) the odds of you getting a well kept car are much greater.

Of course you can find diamond in the rough on craigslist and buy beaters from a dealer, I'm not saying it not possible. But when buying "used" its a good idea to have professional eye.

Horses end up in rescues for a reason. I'm sure there are a few who slip the cracks, but GOOD beginner safe and sound horses and ponies are worth their weight in gold! They are not likely to be found in a rescue setting since they are VERY useful and purposeful.
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Yea im trying to tell this to him what may end up happening is i do what i said above to get my horse, and then he gets his horse how ever ends up with an idiot he cant ride and then we will both end up riding mine while i fix his, its not that i couldn't fix a problem horse i just want my first personal horse to be easy going and safe, you know?
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post #38 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 06:53 PM
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Absolutely!! My friend has MS and I trained/am training her "other" horse who was a "rescue" from Camelot. The person who "rescued", "trained" and sold her to my friend is an absolute dirt bag! All he saw was $$$$. He swore up and down she was a save, solid horse to use to pack around her dead beginner friends and family. I've fallen off of her 3 times thus far. While she is better she is still not a horse for even an intermediate rider. She will take advantage of most people.
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post #39 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 06:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Winterose View Post
I may just buy a horse and tell him it was a rescue. i have a friend willing to cover for me.
This is a really bad idea!!!!!!
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If you ever find yourself in a fair fight, it's because your tactics suck. ~ Marine 1SGT J. Reifinger
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post #40 of 56 Old 10-11-2013, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Dustbunny View Post
This is a really bad idea!!!!!!
Agree! Do NOT lie about it! That's awful! if you have to lie about anything in your relationship like that there's a problem. It's going to be something you sit on for years, and if he ever finds out the s**t will hit the fan. It really says something about the relationship that you're even willing and thinking about it IMHO.
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