Horse vrs. Boyfriend. - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 03:16 PM
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You should not be settling down with what he thinks is appropriate. Horses have always been part of your life and that's something he should have respected. I think if you had been a more settled couple(more time together, or engaged/married), then adding horses to your life, or continuing horses in your life is something that should be talked about as a couple right-BUT this is totally different. If he won't respect your passion, how do you know he will respect other things in your life in the future.

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post #22 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 03:31 PM
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i am a guy and i say kick him into touch as he is no good for you as he is thinking of him self and no one else
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post #23 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 03:52 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks, I like hearing the male point of view too. :) It really helps me think that I am not being selfish and I am doing the right thing and he is being a jerk about it.

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post #24 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 03:55 PM
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he is being a really big jerk about it he needs to stop and think about what he is doing and saying
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post #25 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gizmo View Post
Thanks, I like hearing the male point of view too. :) It really helps me think that I am not being selfish and I am doing the right thing and he is being a jerk about it.
I totally think that you are. A few years ago, I dated this great guy for some time, and it turned out he lost on me when I attempted to show him what horses were about. Asked me why I was wasting money on them and he wanted nothing to do with them, or even let me talk about it! needless to say, that was the second last day we were a "couple". Your boyfriend needs to love you for who you are and respect you. He doesn't need to like what you do, but at least show you support and be happy because you're happy. What he is doing and saying is just rude. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

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post #26 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 05:27 PM
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Gizmo

I give you credit, you didnt wait ll yrs to have this discussion/break up (dont get me wrong, it just wasnt the horse issue, there was more than just that but I gave him so many chances and I was just done.)

You are young like everyone is saying. Have fun, do some crazy things, be happy but dont let anyone else take that away from you. Have your talk, lay it down for him. Let him know. May be you can work it out. May be he will see the light.

What ever your descion, its your life. You know in your gut/heart what needs to be done.

Good luck!!!
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post #27 of 30 Old 02-17-2011, 05:33 PM
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Sometimes it helps to take a step back and think, "would I ever say/do this to him?" and "how would he react if I did?" IMO, he's the one acting childish and immature, certainly not you...

Kelly
I've spent most of my life riding horses. The rest I've just wasted.
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post #28 of 30 Old 02-18-2011, 03:16 AM
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Personally I would not want to be with a guy who wanted to control me for one date, let alone one year. You have any idea just how many wonderful men there are in the world? You do not need to be with someone who wants to control you, have a look for someone who supports you instead.

My Hub has no interest in horses, I cannot even get him to ride, but he supports my desire for it. For me, money tends to get tight around Xmas, I told him that I was going to pay my board for 2 months in advance so money would be tight that month, he told me I was making a good decision.

Sounds to me like this guy wants you to spend the money on helping him with his bills, and he has no interest in your interests. When someone does not support you in the things you care about, this can be so bad.

I know it is never easy, but say goodbye. Let the door hit him on the way out. Go find yourself a sweet soul who would put your needs before his own.
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post #29 of 30 Old 02-18-2011, 01:27 PM
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It sounds to me like you are making the right choices based on LOGIC and that is extremely important. You are thinking about the entire future picture while he is thinking in terms of the next few months/year it sounds like.

Stand firm, there is no reason on earth, horses or no horses to let anyone dictate or manipulate you into a situation you would rather not be in. You're not being selfish again, you're being logical.

As I've told my BF everytime he gets ****y... The horse wins every time, so don't even start. It's not like you have to wonder where I'm spending my evenings and what bar I'm at with whom. I'm at the barn, I'm always at the barn, I smell like a horses ***, I ALWAYS smell like a horses ***. Suck it up. Do I love my horse more than you... well... He never gives me a problem when I go to YOUR house!

Horselover: Kudos to YOU as well. As horse people we are as a rule pretty strong, but we can only take so much!

He knows when you're happy
He knows when you're comfortable
He knows when you're confident
And he always knows when you have carrots.
~Author Unknown~
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post #30 of 30 Old 02-18-2011, 02:05 PM
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For a relationship to work, both sides have to be willing to give. If a woman waits for a man who will only consider 'her needs', she'll never find a man worth having.

Love requires two. Women who expect a man to always give in don't want a man at all. The key isn't who gives, but HOW an agreement is reached on the compromise. Those who use threats or emotional coercion - "If you love me..." - aren't mature enough to build a lifelong relationship. OTOH, a discussion might include "If we want to reach common goal Z, then X & Y have to be done..."

When kids get involved, LOTS of compromises come up. Once there are kids, it stops any 'what I want' because it all turns into 'what our kids need'. I've been married for 24 years, with one wife, 3 kids and 3 grandkids (and 2 dogs and 2 horses). I'm WAY out of the dating stage (Thank God!)...but if I were dating, and a gal told me her horses come first, I'd tell her to enjoy her marriage to her horse and leave without regret. A gal who acted like that wouldn't be mature enough to build anything permanent with either.

It cuts both ways. Ultimatums and emotional blackmail are unacceptable to mature adults. Those who use them are kids, regardless of their age or sex.
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