How can I tell the lady at the barn I don't want to hear her stories? - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
Ipod is a good idea. Its great for getting rid of unwanted people. I always take them shopping, because you know those stalls where they follow you around and have hand creams from the dead sea or nail buffers? Well when you have headphones it is so much easier to escape.

I have an inability to escape people. There is this woman at the tackshop who is really, really nice and I really like her but when I start talking to her I end up being there for 45 mins, no kidding. Sometimes I just don't have that time to spend. If I go places with friends I make pre-arranged signals so they can say "time for a lecture" or something. If i don't I just get stuck places.

Maybe "make time limits", say something like "would love to stay and chat but I have to be home at 6pm for dinner with family, and I really want to fit in a ride". Then walk away.
You know what I do, I answer my phone in front of them. Act like your phone was on vibrate and answer it. Act like something needs attention now. Seems stupid but it works. ;p
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post #22 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 07:35 AM Thread Starter
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I would just be upfront with people. Why are you afraid to just say hey, I need some alone time right now and if I have some time later we can talk. I am not real upfront either because of not wanting to be mean or make waves, but if its going to consume you or interfere with work, it has to be done. As nice as possible but to the point or some people just don't get it.
Amir: especially at work. I know how you feel and if it becomes a problem just let that person know that you don't want to get in trouble for talking or even make up a story. Such as your boss noticed you and this person chatting a bit to much and he/she would appreciate it if you kept you mind on your work. Something like that. Its unfortunate when we have to do something like this but with some people you have to be upfront and get r done!
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I agree and yet I think there is not always enough tact in the world.... I was hoping to get good ideas from other horsey people on what to say and assuming someone else had been through a similar situation. I am all for asking what you need, but I think we have a duty to ask as nicely as possible :)

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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post #23 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 07:40 AM
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Putting earplugs in your ear when she comes near you may help her get the hint. LOL.

If you don't ever want to talk to her...last sentence in your post, why do you care if you come across as mean? You don't want to talk to her anyway. Just be honest with her and tell her you are there to spend time with your horse, not visit with other boarders. Course than I am hoping you would never interfere with other people there trying to spend time with their horses.
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post #24 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 07:47 AM
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Originally Posted by mbender View Post
You know what I do, I answer my phone in front of them. Act like your phone was on vibrate and answer it. Act like something needs attention now. Seems stupid but it works. ;p
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Just hope that a text or phone call comes through while you do this when it isnt on vibrate or silent.....Cause then you will look like a butthole.

If she comes up and starts talking, dont stop what you are doing to talk to her...keep grooming and working with your horse. If you dont want to get into a conversation, then dont leave yourself open for them. Say hi back, but dont ask how are you. Not every single time, cause thats rude.... Its better to have a good relationship with people at your barn.

Is there any reason that you MUST have quiet time when working with your horse?

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. --Epictetus
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post #25 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 06:37 PM
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its a bit awkward for me because our boss is strangely ok with it. Our work gets done so our boss see's it as no biggie.
I've started to just say 'uh-huh' and she's getting the point that as much as i love my horse, i don't want to spend my whole work day talking about horses.

It's a really tricky situation for you though citrus. I've never borded but i've heard so many 'horror' stories about people in your situation with irritating borders with things going sour.
I like the ipod idea. Just pretend you're so into your music you can't hear her :P
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post #26 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 07:54 PM
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There's a woman at my barn like this, except she knows alot about alot of things. She can go on for hours. Mainly I just nod my head, agree when agreement is needed, or acknowledgmet of the conversation. But I don't encourage her unless I feel like talking. Eventually she stops and we go our seperate ways. Though I have to say I enjoy talking with friends while I'm tacking my horse up. Just don't open yourself for conversation. But be nice, you don't want to come across as the butthole of the barn. It's good to be friendly with people. People will help you then, if not their buttholes in return.
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post #27 of 38 Old 11-30-2010, 09:02 PM
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just politely interrupt her and say you really need to go do this, and that you can finish the conversation some other time.

When In Doubt Let Your Horse Do The Thinkin
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Originally Posted by spookychick13
What Lone said.
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post #28 of 38 Old 12-01-2010, 09:26 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by WickedNag View Post
Putting earplugs in your ear when she comes near you may help her get the hint. LOL.

If you don't ever want to talk to her...last sentence in your post, why do you care if you come across as mean? You don't want to talk to her anyway. Just be honest with her and tell her you are there to spend time with your horse, not visit with other boarders. Course than I am hoping you would never interfere with other people there trying to spend time with their horses.
Does anyone have an idea on how to politely let her know I just want to work with my horse? I don't want to be mean nor do I not want to ever talk to her.

I think you did not pay attention to the grammar in that sentence.... it is a double negative, but broken down, carry the "I don't" to the subject of the second part of the sentence to make "I don't not want to ever talk to her...." cancel the negatives and it says "I do want to...." sorry for the confusion.

The rest of your post sounded less than pleasant. I am a nice person who does anything possible not to hurt peoples feelings, but I also need my time. I would expect that if someone wanted me the same space from me, they would tell me nicely, out of common courtesy.

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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post #29 of 38 Old 12-01-2010, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by BarrelRacer86 View Post
There's a woman at my barn like this, except she knows alot about alot of things. She can go on for hours. Mainly I just nod my head, agree when agreement is needed, or acknowledgmet of the conversation. But I don't encourage her unless I feel like talking. Eventually she stops and we go our seperate ways. Though I have to say I enjoy talking with friends while I'm tacking my horse up. Just don't open yourself for conversation. But be nice, you don't want to come across as the butthole of the barn. It's good to be friendly with people. People will help you then, if not their buttholes in return.
This is exactly why I was asking... I really do not want to turn off conversation between us completely. I am going today so hopefully I can kindly get what I need without closing the door completely. I guess I only have power over myself and her reaction will be what it is.

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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post #30 of 38 Old 12-01-2010, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Lonestar22 View Post
just politely interrupt her and say you really need to go do this, and that you can finish the conversation some other time.
sweet and simple! I like it :)

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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