How to convince your parents NOT to buy a horse - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 10:32 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CT USA an English transplant
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I'm with the on farm lease idea where they have to pay all the costs. That way she can see first hand how much work and money goes into keeping a horse.
I could tell you to stand aside if they don't listen and it all goes wrong, but if you're anything like me and care about animals, then you won't be able to stand by and watch a horse that's within your own family suffer while you call out 'I told you so'.
To sort of repeat what someone else already said, if they insist on buying a horse then either try to make sure they buy a horse that you'd want to keep for yourself or that will sell on really easily to a new home.

Just winging it is not a plan
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post #12 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 01:06 PM
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I am with the others. Take a hard stand and then step away. Tell them in very specific terms that you feel this is not a good idea and that you do not want to be a part of it. Enlist your husband - tell him your fears that she is going to get hurt or end up in a financial situation she was not expecting. if she thinks $400 is sufficient for a nice horse she is in no way ready for all of the expenses horses entail.

You need to be firm and I would also rescind the offer to ride your greenie - no matter how gentle - each time you get on that horse you are training it. Do you really want someone training that horse who does not know how to ride?

Be firm! It really is the right thing to do.
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post #13 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 02:02 PM
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Julian, CA
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Originally Posted by mmshiro View Post
She doesn't know she's horse crazy until she got hurt at least once and is still horse crazy. Be sure to make room, budget, and by her the horse that you'd want for yourself, because you'll end up with it.

Sorry - it's a bad situation all around, for you and the poor creature about to enter her "care".
I totally disagree with telling her to buy the horse for her MIL at all.
Step away well-meaning friend form your MIL and know you have done the best you can do.
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post #14 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 02:08 PM
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When it's family, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. (Help , that is.)
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post #15 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by tinyliny View Post
When it's family, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. (Help , that is.)
Yeah. It's bad. I would definitely also try to explain the situation to your husband, in case your MIL starts complaining to him. Tell him you're afraid she's going to get hurt, and you wouldn't want that.
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post #16 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 02:42 PM
Join Date: May 2017
Location: NW Connecticut
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Originally Posted by TimmysMom View Post
I totally disagree with telling her to buy the horse for her MIL at all.
Step away well-meaning friend form your MIL and know you have done the best you can do.
MIL will end up with a horse, whether she makes an enemy of OP in the process or not.
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post #17 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 03:37 PM
Join Date: Jun 2019
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"...MIL has always been horse crazy, but has never really had the time or money to ride,..."
"When are you going to have the time to train your own horse? Come on. Let's get you one that's already trained and that you will enjoy a lot more."
"Training takes time. Don't you want to ride sooner?"
"Do you want to end up with a broken hip?"

That's when she said to me "Oh, I could never pay that much for a horse! I want a free horse, like the one you got."
"You get what you pay for."

"$1500.00 is what you'd be paying for a good many years of happiness and the assurance of a horse that you can ride and won't kill you."
"You're not going to find another horse like the one I have."

"She's already hinting at getting "family discounts" for trimming and shoeing..."
"Trimming my own horse is hard enough. I can't do a second. It'd kill my back."
"And if your untrained, $400 that you don't have time to train...decides to kick me?"

And here's a good one: I usually try to avoid this and help everyone find ways to take care of their horses, but if you're really trying to get her to not want a horse...get her to not want to hurt a horse. What I mean by that is, emphasize that if she can't afford the horse, she can't afford the care that the horse will need. Shed some light about taking care of the horse's diet and what all of their needs are, not just hoof care. Use lots of juicy science that overwhelms her brain with the complete opposite of what she wants to hear: "that everything will be fine!" Nothing kills that mystical, magical 'very own horse' stuff like figuring out your lack of funds would end up doing harm to the horse. She might go for just accepting that it's better for others to be responsible owners, and she take lessons.

Otherwise, ACinATX had very good advice about a difficult lesson horse. Just don't orchestrate that, and then your MiL gets hurt. That's not good for either of you.
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No diet, no hoof. No hoof, no horse. No horse is not an option!
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post #18 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 04:12 PM
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Kentucky
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I had to do a double take when I saw your name and your post... Rat Lady is part of my description on Facebook and I too am currently policing my mother on buying a horse, although she has prior horse experience and is looking for something well-broke that she knows she will have to pay for, she still tends to let her heart lead (I felt very bad recently explaining why she absolutely should not place a bid on a horse someone was advertising that was "walk-trot" only because it was too stiff in its hocks to be worked at a canter... she wants a horse that doesn't have a lot of "go" but I had to remind her what a bad idea it was to take on a horse that was already in pain when we have no idea what the underlying cause is, it would probably be expensive if possible at all to fix, and even a well-tempered horse that is in pain may eventually buck/kick/etc. to avoid being ridden because of the pain.)

I agree with horselovinguy.... since they are ignoring your advice and probably expecting you to train and trim the animal for free, you should probably tell them that you will not be involved in this at all because you will not be held responsible when someone gets hurt nor when the horse is sick or injured from improper care.

The idea of giving them numbers of boarding, vets, etc. to call and make their own arrangements is also a good one. It would be "helping" but removing yourself from the situation somewhat. If they don't have their own trailer to haul the potential horse in, I see that being the first hold-up. When they have to look at paying someone to haul, and have to line out the first month of boarding before-hand, that may in itself stop them.
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"She could be a witch, and he would never build a pyre upon which to burn her thoughts, desires and dreams."
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post #19 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 04:27 PM
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Kentucky
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Oh, you're also more than welcome to share my story if it helps: We were "given" a horse while my aunt was running a local boarding ban.

We were only paying $125 a month boarding with my aunt, providing some extras. Then my aunt's boarding barn situation changed. My dad spend Well over $2,000 on materials to turn a building on our property into a half-decent barn (and that's without the cost of labor, my aunt's fiance did all the building because they desperately needed a place for their multiple horses as well since they wouldn't be running the boarding barn anymore.) I still need to add additional fencing to the property so that's even more money that will go into that. I would have found a place to board but dad was determined we were bringing the horses home, so I am grateful for that.

The horse was broke but very difficult to handle for a beginner. So I started taking riding lessons ($100 a month, or $25 per lesson and that IMO is cheap for riding lessons, with people I trust and good beginner horses.) Now to tune-up her training though, I am boarding her with my instructors paying $453 a month, which includes everything including a farrier trim and I am well aware that $453 a month is CHEAP for the kind of services I'm getting (Lessons/personal help, boarding, feed, hay, a trim a month as needed, etc.) I know from reading around the forum that $300 or $400 is sometimes the basic cost of boarding/feeding alone at some facilities.

She's only had to have one vet visit since we got her, just for vaccines and to get a coggins test and check her age, and that was $118 dollars.

So, not even counting the feed, pine shavings, halters, lead ropes, fly spray, hay that I've bought, my dad and I have already invested over $3,000 in a "free horse".

And even though I wasn't aware of how much extra work she would need, we did go into this fully knowing there's no such thing as a "free horse" ever. What you don't spend up front you're always going to spend on the back end later.
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"She could be a witch, and he would never build a pyre upon which to burn her thoughts, desires and dreams."
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post #20 of 113 Old 06-12-2019, 04:36 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Cariboo, British Columbia
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Been, done that with in-laws, same thing, horse crazy, no real experience. Wouldn't take my advice until They got their cheap horse and couldn't catch it. Then they wanted help, I told them to call the previous owner and see if they could pay them to take it back. The haven't spoken to me since then, years & years ago, lol. I wasn't too far off in my advise, a neighbor took it off their hands for free when they moved. Bro in law & his family.
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I am not here to promote anythingNo, that's not true, I am here to promote everything equestrian and everyone enjoying horses!
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beginner , convince , parents

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