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how do I get my confidence back? =(

2K views 15 replies 14 participants last post by  WildAcreFarms 
#1 ·
Title says it all!

What happened was back in mid/late November (2011) I had a pretty bad accident off my mare, an accident that I know I could have so easily prevented. I also know that the way my mare behaved that day is NOT at all her usual and if I had only taken simple precautions leading up to the accident it likely never would have happened. I ended up on the ground that day head first, in the ER I was told I had a concussion as well as a fractured vertebrae and a herniated disc (I believe this is what it's called, but I am not doctor and don't speak all those scientific terms, so I could be wrong on the correct terms here. Anyway! In the weeks following closely after my accident my trainer asked me multiple times if I felt scared of my mare or horses in general, at the time I said no, because I knew that what happened that day was my fault and not at all Beverley's usual personality, she is generally very calm to the point I have to use the crop to keep her moving.

So now it's February, my doctor said I could ride the first week of February, which I have. though throughout January I began noticing I was actually completely traumatized by this accident. My original "no I'm not scared" has turned into "I'm terrified of being in my mare's stall alone", "I'm scared to lead my mare on my own", little silly things like that that have absolutely nothing to do with the accident that occurred. I've had my trainer working Beverley throughout all of January to keep her in shape and such, and each time she is worked I am out there ...my trainer even gets me to tack her up on my own (because honestly even this scares me for whatever reason), I have even been able to lunge her on my own now ...with my trainer right next to me though.

Is it normal to be so so traumatized by little things like leading my mare or being in her stall alone or what have you? Obviously it can't be normal =( Before my accident I was NEVER this way. I've always been the person who, when the barn gets a new horse in (often green 2-6 y/o's) I jump at the chance to be the first on them, I would take any horse out with zero supervision what so ever, and if I ever had an issue with a horse I just got right back in the saddle.

The other night I hopped on my mare for the first time since I fell off and I was shaking the entire ride. Even though my trainer lunged her first and rode her for a good 40 minutes beforehand and Beverley tried not one thing with her, she was amazing - has been all of January as she is being worked regularly, I was still shaking as I was sitting on her. I stayed in a very tiny circle around my trainer but every time Bev even so much as tripped on her own feet I had tears in my eyes and all I could see in my mind was the ground and thinking of the "what if's". But Bev was so perfect that first ride, she didn't pull any funny moves on me. It's like she's not the problem, my fears are and I have noooo idea how to stop that. Is it really normal to be this scared of everything? I've never had this problem before and I have fallen off and broken bones before I just don't know what's wrong with me =/

How do I gain my confidence back? Obviously it won't happen over night, but still. Has anyone else had a bad fall and lost ALL confidence? :cry:
 
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#3 ·
I got pretty darn hurt from a mare I owned. Scared the beejeebees out of me even though I had fallen times before and had been riding horses for 20+ yrs.

Something about that fall made me shake whenever I thought about getting back on a horse.

I just had to do it though. I got on and rode... and the more I rode and nothing happened the more confidence I regained.

Then when I got another horse and he tried to be an idiot and tried to get me off, I rode through it, stayed on and guess what... I am a confident rider again.

You have to get back in the saddle girl and ride!

*hug*
 
#4 ·
So sorry you were hurt. That is NEVER fun to get hurt to the point you are at the ER and off for months with the injury.

I totally understand. I grew up riding horses. Rode bareback all the time. Wasn't afraid to ride EVER. I didn't have horses for 27 years due to raising kids, etc. I never lost my love for horses and was looking to buy one for my 50th birthday. Went 5 hours away to try one that was trained and had shown in WP, rode by old lady some and a kid, blah blah blah.

Long and short, he took off down an arena with bit in teeth, bucking like an idiot. I came off, hit the ground and rolled. Rocky ground (central Texas gotta love it) is hard!! My left leg took the worst of it. My leg swelled twice its size and was black and blue from thigh to foot. The following week a doctor was shocked that it wasn't broke and the knee cap wasn't shattered. It took a long time for the swelling to go down, I had nerve damage and it is still discolored 3 years later.

Bad injuries can cause fear. The mind recoils from going there again. I bought a horse 2 months later and have spent the past three years getting my confidence back. I am NO WHERE near the rider I was as a teenager/young adult. Take it slow. If you get scared stop what you are doing and calm yourself. Get off if you have to. There is no shame in it. I have got off to cross little creeks or logs that others crossed effortlessly. My horse would have crossed them but I was afraid.

You know your mare is a good girl. That is a good thing. You know she is not going to hurt you on purpose. Ride where you feel MOST comfortable. For me, the arena is the place I feel most UNCOMFORTABLE because that is where I got thrown. I actually feel most comfortable on trails. Ride til you start to feel uncomfortable and then get off and just groom your horse or interact with her on the ground until you feel relaxed and then remount. Keep at it and you will gain your confidence back. I wish you well and hope that you continue to get better!!!
 
#5 ·
I sympathize. I had a fall about the same time as yours, although my injuries were nothing worse than some strained muscles. But still - I've only managed to lunge my horse by myself a couple of times and I haven't been on him since. Worse, he's the kind of horse who turns into a big bully when not worked - so he's not helping matters right now.:-(

Anyway, you're already doing what I'm doing to get over it. I took a lesson with a new trainer (on a schoolie) on Friday, really liked her, and signed myself and my horse up for a month's worth of lessons with her.

I think it's just going to take time. A lot of repeats of successful rides to dull the memory of the unsuccessful one.

I just wanted to tell you that at least in my world:wink: what you're feeling is completely normal. I think we're all pretty brave for not selling the beasts and taking up knitting instead.:D
 
#6 ·
I agree with everyone here and have the same kind of stories. Fell of dozens of times when I was younger. Never bothered me enough to keep me off. I'm a lot more cautious these days. Take your time. There is no rush to get on and go galloping off. Your confidence will come back slowly and only through facing your fears. Never do more than your emotions can handle. Spend as much time on the little things as you can. Groom her, bathe her, walk her, just hang out and watch her in the pasture.
That is what helped me. Until getting Lily last month, I hadn't been around horses in years. I wasn't sure how well I could still handle a horse. Being around her has really helped me. And now I'm to the point that I would like to get on her and just walk around. Unfortunately, I'm either here alone or it's raining so there has been no ride. :( Someday though.
 
#7 ·
Is there any chance your trainer could put you on a different horse? If you're only afraid of what your mare did, maybe just taking the time to come back on an old school master will help you regain confidence, even if the first few rides have to be lead-line, it'll give you the time to relax on your horse and not worry about what he/she is doing. :)
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#8 ·
I'm a big reader and follower of Jane Savoie. She has written a lot about overcoming your "mental monsters" including a lot of fears that naturally come along with riding. Most of us have fears about riding sometimes the fears are much worse like after a bad fall. Jane has written a lot about overcoming these fears in her book "Its not just about the ribbons" I'm sure that you can pick up a copy cheap used on Amazon. there are quite a few methods that i think you would find really helpful :) It is helping me with similar issues so I can say from experience that her techniques DO work. Good luck :)
 
#9 ·
Thanks for the tip. I'm going to have to look up that book.

I just read Cherry Hill's – Becoming an Effective Rider and it also had lots of things about fears and mental attitude. Not nearly as traumatized as the OP, but had a set-back from a couple of falls and her tips were just the kind of stuff I needed to hear.
 
#10 ·
Like the other posts, I too have lost my nerve riding due to a bad falll, horse bucked me off.After a long recovery, I am back riding... but its not like riding a bike, its hard to get back on. I am currently taking lessons on how to react more appropriately should a horse buck or bolt on me. I am learning to trust and repsect my horse and she too, learning to trust and respect me... Time and perserverance. and a good trainer helps :)
 
#11 ·
Since you say that your horse isn't the problem then hopefully taking things step by step with her will slowly build your confidence back up. Dont push yourself and only do what you feel comfortable with. My confidence has taken a real knock since being bucked off twice by a horse I had on trial. Although I am still looking for a horse to buy I am a lot less motivated than I was before, especially since I have not enjoyed the rides I have had on a neighbours horse since then. My nerves are really bad and I constantly worry about falling off.
 
#12 ·
baby steps...I had a similar experience to the poster who rode a ton and then did not ride for twenty some years and then looking for a horse had a bad throw. I now have a SOLID horse but I am not. Does not matter how solid the horse if the fear is there. I am actually relieved when something happens and I cannot ride that day but I know it is important for me to get in that saddle. I am starting back by doing ground work to gain my confidence back and then short rides in the arena or pasture. I have had set backs where I will saddle him up and go out in the pasture, get on and am off within two minutes. That might happen but the important thing is to get on. I love all of the advice that was given because there are a lot of us out there. There should be a forum here for people with confidence issues.
 
#13 ·
I've only recently regained my confidence with jumping after a couple of falls and some incidents with the ponies I ride and it took one lesson with one of the best instructors I have ever had the honour to ride with on our schoolmistress over little fences and now I'm flying again. I have a fear of horses bucking around fences because a few years back I came off and broke my shoulder and it took all my confidence away. So when I had two falls in a row then several bad jump lessons I was in pieces. Literally I went into my room and cried for ten minutes after one lesson because it went so horribly. But after that lesson it was completely different, my confidence was back and even so though I came straight off in the jump lesson afterwards (we've decided that there is a mutual dislike between the pony and I) I got straight back on and instead of being in pieces I was laughing it off. Sometimes it takes forever to get back to where you were, I'm still nervy about using my crop even though I'm better than I was, and other times you have a crystallising moment and suddenly there's a huge improvement. You just have to wait and do what it takes to get you comfortable again even if it means having someone around with you to do simple stuff or just chilling out with your mare and getting used to her all over again. It will come.
 
#14 ·
(apologies for not replying to this sooner, my computer had a terrible virus and had to be sent away to have everything wiped including my external ...yikes!)

Thanks so much for the replies everyone. It really helps to know that other people have/had this same confidence problem as I do. I'm clearly not the only one!:-p

Since I posted this I have been back in the saddle another 4 times, and it seems some days are really good and others I am all nervous again. I am so much better with being able to handle my mare on the ground though, but there are times when I just get scared over literally nothing. Last week I had a really awesome ride and stayed on for about 20 minutes and even did some trotting, just on the lunge though, at this point I just will not go off it:-( but slowly, very slowly, I feel like I am making some form of progress. Last night I was a bundle of nerves again, even though I trotted I felt SO nervous the entire time, such a change from the other night. And then something like 4 nights ago my trainer got me to hop on double bareback with her and of course Beverley was amazing so my trainer hops off and I rode around for a minute on my own.

I'm getting there, but soooo slowly. Like stuck in traffic that sometimes moves forward and sometimes sits still haha:lol:

But the replies really do help so much, I agree we really should have a forum for people with confidence issues it helps to talk about it!
 
#15 ·
Glad to hear you are still working at it, & have had some success ,just keep chipping away at it & hopefully dthe confidence will come back. It's hard after getting injured to go forward w/confidence but baby steps, & fake it till you make it are a couple of things to kjeep in mind. Sorry you had that computer problem-mine has crashed too, & I'm on hubby's laptop, & it's just so different.
 
#16 ·
I think most riders suffer from confidence issues at some point in their riding lives whether it's from not riding for a number of years, or taking a bad fall or being "overhorsed" we all go through this. I think if you don't have a healthy fear of these animals you'd have to be a little nuts LOL.
working with a good trainer and just putting the hours in the saddle is what will slowly bring your confidence back. I would really check out some reading on mentally programing yourself and learning to push though your fears. I have found a lot of these techniques to be extremely helpful ;)
 
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