How to nicely tell someone to 'back off' - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 08:55 AM
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I don't think the list of tasks will help - though I see why it was suggested.

The problem is that they are making this into a two way conversation, which it shouldn't be as it is YOUR decision. By opening up the "if the filly stays, you will have to do this..." line, you are acknowledging that there is a possibility that the filly COULD stay. Which is the opposite of what you are wanting to achieve.

I say you wait until you are ready to move her, and then phone and say you are coming up today to get her. Buy your mum a box of chocolates and a teddy bear to let her know that you appreciate that she had done a good job, and that she'll miss her.

I suspect that the real problem here is the friend who doesn't want her gelding to lose his field mate. He may have a real problem with being alone. It is courteous to the geldings owner to let her know that the filly is going as she may need to make alternative arrangements for a companion. Can you phone her direct?

Finally.....we all regress to childhood when dealing with our parents! Just imagine that this is a barn owner with whom you have a friendly and respectful arrangement. Be the adult you would be with her instead of the child you are being with your mum.
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post #12 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 10:59 AM
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This is not about the filly. Its about control your mother knows she can manipulate you. Its time you taught her that you will no longer allow her to.
Establish boundaries with your mother and have an adult relationship with her.
If she says the filly needs to stay then you say "I want her with me." I need to train her......
Time you took control of your life. When you do your mother will respect you and your decisions. If you dont then she will manipulate you again and again..... Good luck Shalom
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post #13 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 04:04 PM
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Sounds like the story of "The Little Red Hen"............ No real interest until it's show time.

It is time to realize that you are an adult and can't possibly please everyone.
So you have to please yourself. It's your life and they need to respect that ( and be proud of it).
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post #14 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 04:17 PM
Green Broke
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The list might help in other situations where you want to reach a compromise, but by making that list you're already giving up ground.

Make it a topic not up for discussion or input. Once you start negotiating with her she's already won.
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post #15 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 08:00 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks every one. The geldings owner is on the same wave length as mum. Their plan was to have the filly and gelding up at the farm with my parents. Where the two are atm has lots of other horses, all owned by the friend, so the gelding has plenty of other paddock mates.
Due to the lack of handling I have a very really fear of my filly going buddy sour.
My main problem is I am intimidated by the friend as she has way more experience, is older and has the backing of my mum.
I like the idea of waiting until I'm ready to move her and letting them know. I could even drop the gelding back home if they wanted. I just really need to man up!

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post #16 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 08:05 PM
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EB, it can be really hard to get tough, especially when you're dealing with your family or someone with more knowledge/experience than you.

What I've found that helps is just to not think too much beforehand, take a deep breath, and just jump right in to whatever you want to say.
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post #17 of 19 Old 11-01-2013, 10:56 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks :) I've got a while until I'll be happy taking her to the grazing anyway. The others need to settle in and have a detox from the grass first. And I need to get my hands on a towing vehicle seeing as my little truck is on its last legs lol

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post #18 of 19 Old 11-02-2013, 10:25 AM
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Experience exschmerience. Don't be intimidated. You have seen a lot of DUMB inexperienced people do a lot worse than what you are wanting to do, WHILE telling highly experienced people to stuff it when they are given advice.

You are not dumb. You are less experienced than the friend, but you KNOW what you want and you know how to learn the right answers.

She is your horse. You need to do what you feel is right for her, regardless of what anyone else says whether it is your mom, your friend, us, or MontyfreakingRoberts.

Point is simple. If she stays, she will not learn and you will have a harder time working with her in the future. If you take her, you can teach her how To behave and how to be a good functional horse. If you leave her, sell her outright like was suggested, because she is not going to be what you want when you get her back.
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post #19 of 19 Old 11-04-2013, 01:18 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks :) not long to go! So glad to have the support of you guys :)
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