How to Politely Leave... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 9 Old 03-27-2013, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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How to Politely Leave...

Hi all, so I have sort of a question/rant. I just need some good advice. For the past year I was working for a woman as her sort of assistant barn manager. I befriended this woman and really cared about her and her daughter, and I think as a result, was sort of blinded as to what was going on. I was being grossly underpaid. I won't say what I was making, but it was really pathetic. The woman was paying me what she could afford though, and I loved what I was doing. Fast forward almost a year, woman is in a bad place financially and getting divorced. She's having a hard time and her personality has changed for the worse due to it all. I get fired as I had a bad fall and needed too much time off work for her liking. She also tells me that everything wrong at the barn is because of me, but that I'm welcome to keep helping out in exchange for being able to ride her horse who I've trained and no one else rides anyway. That last part seemed a little odd to me after her telling me that everything was my fault. Fast forward a little more and I find out that things have gotten drastically worse since I've left. Horses are losing weight, the owner's attitude has gotten even worse and everyone is leaving. Here's my problem, I have other horses that I can ride, and would like to tell her that I am not interested in working for her or riding her horse (I would loved to buy him if I could, but circumstances dictate that as long as he's with her, I should stay away from him), and here's my problem. I'm in our local Pony Club thanks to a joint Christmas present from everyone at the barn, and she is a part of it too. She is this year's Non-Qualifying Dressage rally coach, and will be privy to everything I do relating to the Pony Club. I am very uncomfortable with finally coming out and letting her know that I don't wish to use her horse anymore and that I want to take my saddle and things out of her barn's tack room. I guess I'm just scared of what sort of problems she could cause for me as far as Pony Club goes. I'm almost 20 years old and am just starting Pony Club now, so I would like to progress through it with as little hassle as possible.

Thanks to anyone who read all this. It was mostly just a rant I had to get out, but I would also appreciate any advice you can give.

"The art of riding is keeping a *horse* between you and the ground."
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post #2 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 01:33 AM
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First of all- pony club, in my experience, tends to send the adults back to high school so there will always be drama .

That said, you're in a very tough situation... and I would take as much of the weight off of her as possible. Instead of saying 'I can't ride for you anymore' say that another opportunity has come up, and that you would like to expand your horizons a little. Or perhaps that you have somewhere closer to home that you would like to ride, even that there is a horse you are considering purchasing in the future and would like to work with that horse for a little while. Have someone with you (do it in person) and be prepared to take all of your stuff that day, maybe get it organized earlier so it's easy to grab, just in case. Say you really enjoyed your time with her, and give thanks for the riding time and help with your riding.
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post #3 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 05:10 AM
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try and get all ya stuff out before shes around. ahah i have to buy another dressage whip, because of being in a situation like that.

The foolish reject what they see, not what they think,
The wise reject what they think, not what they see.
-Huang Po
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post #4 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 06:55 AM
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If it were me, I would go get your stuff. If she says anything, just tell her that things aren't going to work out with you working there or riding her horse.
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post #5 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 07:03 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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Tell her to pound sand.....

J/K

At 20 years old I hope you are mature enough to explain to her that you have been very uncomfortable with the current arrangement after what has happened in the recent past. You think it is best to close this chapter in your relationship with her in hopes to keep a proper riding relationship with her in the Pony Club activities.

No matter her response just stay calm and collective to show your not willing to be drawn into an argument. THAT is being an adult about the situation.

This is advice based on only your side of the story,ofcourse....We all know there are always three sides to every story.

I am Second
Born Once, Die Twice. Born Twice, Die Once.
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post #6 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 09:18 AM
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I would just tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're sorry that she feels the way she does about you (even if you're not, in this case, you have to be careful not to burn this bridge) and then tell her that it just isn't working out for you anymore. I would also say that you're still looking forward to seeing/working with her through pony club (again, even if you aren't).

This is what happens when you have democrats in office
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post #7 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 09:24 AM
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Get your stuff out and just stop going back.

Remember, You have been fired!
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post #8 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alexischristina View Post
First of all- pony club, in my experience, tends to send the adults back to high school so there will always be drama .

That said, you're in a very tough situation... and I would take as much of the weight off of her as possible. Instead of saying 'I can't ride for you anymore' say that another opportunity has come up, and that you would like to expand your horizons a little. Or perhaps that you have somewhere closer to home that you would like to ride, even that there is a horse you are considering purchasing in the future and would like to work with that horse for a little while. Have someone with you (do it in person) and be prepared to take all of your stuff that day, maybe get it organized earlier so it's easy to grab, just in case. Say you really enjoyed your time with her, and give thanks for the riding time and help with your riding.
I completely agree with alexischristina!

.*. Let a horse whisper in your ear and breathe on your heart. You will never regret it. .*.
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post #9 of 9 Old 03-28-2013, 12:43 PM
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Ugh, that's a tough situation. If you think she's going to be upset or combative if you talk to her face to face, or if you're not sure you can keep your cool, I would maybe consider writing a short letter or sending her an email instead of talking face to face. She's already "fired" you so really I wouldn't think there would be a whole lot left to hash out.

In the letter/email I would just keep it short and sweet, thank her for the opportunity to work for her, say you did enjoy the time working there. Then say thank you for the offer to keep riding, but you have decided to pursue something different for the time being. Then wish her well with everything and say you look forward to seeing her at pony club. Then there's nothing for her to come back at you with. And then when you see her at pony club, definitely go up and do a quick hi, how's it going, be cordial, then leave it at that.

If you are going to email it, I would get all your stuff from the barn, then send it later that day. Or if you hand deliver it, pick a time when she's not likely to be around, take your stuff, and leave the sealed envelope in her office/mailbox, etc.

I've been in similar working situations, being basically taken advantage of and then kicked out like last week's trash. But you don't realize how bad it was until you look back on it after the fact. At the time I knew that talking face to face would end in either a huge argument or me in tears, so I wrote a letter, and luckily I won't ever have to see that person again. You don't deserve to be jerked around or talked down to anymore either, regardless of the situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

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