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I loved you Ranger

2K views 22 replies 12 participants last post by  RangerMan 
#1 ·
My sweet, beloved pony, Ranger has crossed the rainbow bridge... I don't know what to say. My mom's young coworker, and my best friend, substitute mom and big sister all at the same time is an absolutely amazing person and wrote this. "For my little sister

You know, I don’t know if I hid this well. I don’t know if my demeanor when I walked into the barn was OK. Because I can tell you, when I drove the back county roads in search of that pony, I flipped between an angry 45 year old man who wanted to literally beat up the person who had the nerve to steal a little girl’s pony from the pasture, to more like a 7 year old pleading in her prayers to Sr. Francis that he would return that pony to us. I was full of anger, and appeals. And somehow, that worked. It kept the motivation. I think I would’ve walked the entire Olmsted County looking for that pony. Knocking on every door, every single [expletive] door because you just DO NOT take a pony that brought color into a little girl’s life. You DO NOT take a pony that’s inspired countless paintings of beautiful water colors. You DO NOT take a pony away from a kid that was the child’s safe space. That constant lesson of what unconditional love is. The breathe of fresh air after a difficult day of school where children are literally growing up way too fast. The pony that taught a little girl what hope actually is. That it’s OKAY to dream. To share a bond. To love something, and be loved back. To know, even if it’s just for moments, that that is exactly the way life is supposed to feel.
We are supposed to feel joy. And we are NOT SUPPOSED to take things away from children that brings joy into their lives.
But I didn’t get to feel like that angry person for a long time. Because things changed really quickly in an instant. This pony went from being held hostage in a barn somewhere by some psycho I’d like to have a few “words” with, to something different.

I said it out loud. “Why is there a horse blanket in the snow?” And then you stop, you glanced further, and you see. You feel one thousand things in just one single moment. And then it feels completely impossible. Can’t we just go back to thinking there’s some evil monster out there that just stole this pony?
(I don’t know how to write this part, and I can’t. So I won’t, I’m sorry. I’m skipping)

“Are you ready, sweetie?” So were in the car and I am convinced going for ice cream has to help. Because, gosh, I have to try. And we drive to the People’s Food Co-op and I literally think I would’ve bought that child the entire grocery store if it would’ve made her feel better. We settle on soups, ice cream sandwiches and I literally bought a lavender sparking water (what?!) and I think we laughed and cried and repeated that cycle throughout the entire meal. Because when we stopped laughing, we starting thinking. And then there’s crying. Is this all actually real?

And what is awful is that it’s actually all real. This horrible day is real. The hurt is real. And for a moment there, I wanted the ice cream sandwiches and fruit samples to cancel it out. Because I think when you truly care, when you truly try to be the best big sister, it means you try to ease her pain. It means that after you drop her off, you just start bawling your eyes out because you couldn’t let yourself do it earlier. Because you’re trying to be strong for her. Because that’s what big sister’s do.
But let me tell you what else they do. They remind you of something even greater than the pain you’re feeling.

They remind you that the love you shared with that pony was real. That is was RARE, and GENTLE, and KIND! Because as your big sister, I was there to witness it all! :) I was there the day you brought out those dandelions and mints for him. I was there the days you spent longer just brushing and loving on him than you did riding! I was there to see you smile the biggest smile EVER cantering that sweet old pony around bareback after a bad day at school! I was there to listen to you talk about the time you spent reading centered riding and seeing that beautiful pony stretch long and low and lovely because of the time you spent perfecting your craft. I was there to watch all those heart warming liberty sessions. To watch him follow you in from the pasture with no lead rope. To the syringes of aloe vera juice we barely got into his mouth, but you tried for him because you cared about if he had ulcers or not. To the day you sent your mom on a mission to the tack shop to get soft felt girth because it was more gentle. To the incredible ways you carried his spirit into the paintings we’ve seen all over the barn. To your kindness towards him, I saw it every single day I drove you out to the barn.
Jae, I wish, more than anything in this world that I could take your pain away. I feel like such a failure as a big sister that I can’t do that for you. But I promise you that I can do this. I’ll ALWAYS be here to remind you of something:
You gave that pony the most selfless, wonderful, and cherished gift on this planet:
Unconditional love.

I love you, and I’m so unbelievably proud of you."

She had originally thought that someone had stole my little pumpkin of a pony, Ranger but then she saw the blanket. I lease at a barn and so the whole "Barn Fam" was out. I had gotten there and went out into the pasture to get the mare I am riding as a project because I was too tall for Ranger (I still rode and loved on him very often and my little sister rode him) I hadn't been out to the barn for about a week because I was home sick with who knows what... I said out loud "Where is Ranger?" I called and looked in the pasture everywhere for him but he was no where. I came into the barn, flustered and told the barn owner that I couldn't find Ranger. Instantly the whole barn community was looking. They called the sheriff and checked the cameras for any evidence.


My lesson was going to start and I had nervously tacked up my mare, twiddling my thumbs and biting my lips. I was scared for Ranger. I kept comforting myself with the thought that maybe he had knocked the fence down somewhere and wandered to the cow farm next door. He was friends with those cows. My mare, being the saint that she is, was wonderful for the whole lesson. She felt my worry and carried on. (We had a good lesson! Weird for such a bad day)

I finished the lesson and untacked, grained and turned out my mare. One of the barn girls came in and said quietly to a group of barn moms "They found him" I thought they were trying to keep it as a surprise so I kept quiet, not wanting to ruin the surprise. But then they came to me, all crying.

"What happened?" "We don't know" I hadn't even thought that he was.. gone... "Is he injured? Can I see him?" The thought still hadn't crossed my mind. " I want to see him?" I was confused now. My one functioning brain cell hadn't thought of anything deeper then What is he is hurt? I wanted to see and help him. One of the barn moms started "Well... see" That was enough then I noticed. "No!" I refused then the ugly crying. …. "He's gone?"" He's gone isn't he"

My coach and teacher said "Let's cry together" We hugged for the longest time. No one went without a long hug today. My "Big sister" Came and comforted me. She had had a similar experience with an angel horse when she was younger also. The barn owner and her daughters were outside, having their moment with him... I was confused, then steaming mad, then the most hurtful sadness ever. Everyone hugged everyone. "He loved you and you loved him. It wouldn't hurt so much if you wouldn't have loved him so much" I cried, A lot.

I still wanted to see him. I couldn't believe. I didn't want to. My "Big Sister" took me out to him. Turns out I had walked right past him while looking for him earlier. There my beautiful friend lay. The waterworks started. Again. I knelt by him, looking into his now mostly evaporated eye (Sorry if TMI) . He was still beautiful. A million thoughts formed a tornado in my head. What happened? How long ago? Why? Is this real? Snow crystals formed on his long eyelashes and his fluffy forelock lay, untouched on the snow above him. Only his head, neck and part of his blanket weren't submerged in the snowbank. A round bale had been there previously, Ranger had claimed it as his favorite spot to lay. He was 17 years young but very arthritic. He had the worst conformation on a horse that I have seen. And yet he was beautiful, smart and the best partner I could have asked for when learning to ride and care for a horse.

I had a lot of thoughts on what could have happened. At first, "What is someone shot him?" Then it was "What if he colicked?" Then, "What if he broke a leg and couldn't get back up?" After that was a whirlwind of what if's.

I ate a lot of ice cream and chicken soup with friends. We would laugh, then cry then laugh then cry.

I have never hurt so much in my heart.
I want to say thank you to everyone who supported me. I love you all.

I am not looking forward to going to school.... I don't think I'm going to go.

I also took his tail with me, I can bear to part with him. This poem is amazing and accurate.

The Best Horses in Heaven, They Have No Tail
by Miska Paget
The best horses in Heaven
they have no tail.
This is a rule they all know
without fail.
For when a new horse arrives
with a short cut bob,
they all know that this horse
did a very good job.
His owner could not bear
to part with her friend
so she saved his tail,
wrapped in ribbons
and in braids,
to hold with his memory
in a very loving way.
To enter Heaven
without a tail
is an honor,
a message,
that without fail
announces to everyone,
far and wide
that this horse
was more than a wonderful ride.
But
this horse was loved and cherished by one
and when his time serving on this Earth was done
he left behind
a broken heart
and a soul
from which he never will part.
 
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#3 ·
Thank you so much. Hugs accepted!
You are amazing
 
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#4 ·
I could tell from your previous posts of Ranger that he was a lovely horse to learn from and love on. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Here's a segment of another poem that is written on the fence around the horse graveyard at my boarding stable:

If you're ever alone,
Or your life's hard to lead,
Close your eyes and remember
Me, your eternal steed,

Who awaits, at the gates
to carry you home
So the last journey you make
Is not made alone

On my golden hooves we'll gallop,
And on silver wings fly,
Yes, this is the secret
Of why horses die.
 
#14 ·
:Angel: Thank you for your kind words. He was my heart pony. <3 Hugs accepted
 
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#16 ·
:Angel::runninghorse2: Thank you for your kind words <3
 
#17 ·
Thank you for your support. Hugs accepted <3
 
#18 ·
Thank you for your support and kindness <3
 
#13 ·
Thank you for your kind words :frown_color: <3
 
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#21 ·
Thank you so much. Hugs accepted! :( :Angel: That poem is beautiful. Honestly, I feel like he was just like "Screw retirement, I'm going straight to greener pastures" <3
 
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#22 ·
Thank you for your sympathy <3 Worth his weight in Platinum...

Hugs accepted, thank you :Angel:
 
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#23 ·
Thank you so much for all of your support and hugs. Thank you for being some light in a dark times <3
 
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