I think I may have a problem, help. - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Norco, CA
Posts: 4,407
• Horses: 5
I think I may have a problem, help.

Long story short, I used to board somewhere else and though the BO is a sweet woman, she really rubbed me the wrong way, was constantly telling me what to do with my horse, and sticking strange horses she "rescues" from auctions in his pasture with him resulting in him being exposed to lice and actually contracting fungus. She also had an outdoor only arena with cement like footing.

I moved to a nice Equestrian Center that focuses mostly on Dressage and Hunter/Jumper. She trailered Cinny there for me and immediately bagged on the place and showed a lot of contempt. Our original agreement however was that Cinny would only be at her place as long as I leased her mare, who turned out to be chronically lame. She eventually cooled down and we kept in touch as I don't like to burn bridges. She said one day we should get together and trailer out for trail rides. I agreed but told her Cinny wouldn't be ready for that for quite a while. This was about 2 months ago.

So last weekend she called me 3 times within an hour on my cell. I was busy with my baby who was sick so called her back later. She said she had gone to the equestrian center to find me, which kind of angered me but I didn't say anything. I asked what was wrong thinking maybe something happened to her husband or she needed help with something (she's in her 80's). She said she just wanted to know if I wanted to trailer out for a trail ride. I told her no, Cinny isn't ready, we don't have a proper fitting saddle let alone a trail saddle, he was sore in the shoulders, and I think we should at least wait until next spring as he needs work in his training.

So, I go down to the stable and my trainer says "someone named S was looking for you, do you know her?" So I said yes and told her it was someone I used to board with that wants me to go on trail with her, and my trainer laughed because we both know Cinny isn't ready. So she told me she was nosing around and harassing people about how they were doing their horses and saying she was a trainer and all that and really rubbed my trainer the wrong way. I apologized to my trainer and agreed that my old BO is somewhat rough around the edges and doesn't really have much social manners.

And I blew it off as I spoke to my old BO. But then yesterday she called again while I was getting ready to leave the stable. I decided to call her when I got home, packed up and left. I ended up running errands for my mom and forgot all about it. Today I went down and another boarder, we'll call her M, told me that last night about 5 minutes after I left some rude woman shows up demanding people to tell her if I was there, where my horse is, etc etc which of course irritated M. It was as if she went down immediately after she called my cell and I didn't answer...and all she wants, according to her message, is she wants me to let her friend train Cinny....to barrel race.

So, the deal is, I don't want to burn any bridges, but this MUST stop. I have an uncanny way of sounding like a real B when it comes to communicating to other people that I can not tolerate something they are doing. I just don't know how to word it...but I can't let this become a habit with her. She is bugging other people at the stable and I know it would irritate me beyond my limits if she just showed up while I was there. I have seen her do this with other people when I used to board with her...she just shows up at peoples houses and then doesn't understand why they are irritated with her.

How do I word it, what do I say? I do occasionally like to spend some time riding with her but she can't just keep showing up and bugging the other boarders.
Cinnys Whinny is offline  
post #2 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 09:26 PM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 2,051
• Horses: 2
You need to explain to her that when YOU are ready to ride with HER, YOU will call her not the other way around.
Inform her that it would be appreciated if she did not go to the new barn questioning the other boarders about your horse or where you are.
You also need to tell her that you do not want to train Cinny to barrel race and that you are not in the least interested in her friend training your horse.
Its hard to try to get a point across, but sometimes you have to speak loud and clear what you want understood. it might upset her, but if not, she will infringe more and more on your new barn and its occupants and make things unpleasant for you there.
wyominggrandma is offline  
post #3 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 09:31 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: alberta
Posts: 2,747
• Horses: 1
^ that sounds like a really good way of putting it. tell her you do like riding with her, and as soon as your horse is ready (like she said ^) YOU will contact her. and everything else wyominggrandma said.

If there are no horses in heaven... im not going.
ridergirl23 is offline  
post #4 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 09:56 PM
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MD
Posts: 23,909
• Horses: 2
Well... She's in her 80th! That says it all (for me at least). Usually you can't do much with old folks (especially if they live in own world like this lady sounds to me).

I'd just take easy her calls, and if you pick up and she requests to ride or train just say something like "yes, dear, but not now, because ... (I don't have money, don't have time, horse doesn't feel well - there is trillion of reasons out there ).

kitten_Val is offline  
post #5 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 10:09 PM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 324
• Horses: 1
Eeek... looks like everyone has already given you sage advice. Best of luck with this over-bearing woman!!! Despite worrying about coming off as a "B", you really sound like you are trying your best and have compassion for her and that will go a long way.
leonalee is offline  
post #6 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 10:17 PM
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,230
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I would have your current BO or trainer ask her to leave and not come back the next time she shows up. To me, I would treat it like you do with horses. Ask. Tell. Demand. You've asked her nicely. You've told her just about as nicely. Now I would demand that she stop as it's actually getting almost stalker creepy.

*Dreams are within reach, you just have to go that extra mile to catch them*
Amarea is offline  
post #7 of 9 Old 09-04-2010, 11:04 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,892
• Horses: 2
Any way you could shift the blame to your new BO? Tell the old BO that because of insurance reasons, anyone who doesn't board or take lessons there must have a signed liability form to be on the property and around the horses. Sounds reasonable enough to me...and no one ends up the bad guy. That way, even if you do decide to trailer out with her some day...she wont jump out of her truck and start bossing people around.

Just a thought!
corinowalk is offline  
post #8 of 9 Old 09-05-2010, 12:17 AM
Green Broke
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2,716
• Horses: 1
You're going to have to flat out be direct with her. She's not going to ease off by taking it easy. So be as direct as possible. Otherwise, this is going to build and build and then your going to blow and say something you will really regret.

Just talk to her in person and say, Listen, I really cannot go trail riding with you at this time and I do not want your friend to train my horse as a barrel racer. Thanks for your interest.

Unless it weighs a ton... it's just a horse. Draft horse motto.
Solon is offline  
post #9 of 9 Old 09-05-2010, 09:06 AM
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Mass
Posts: 815
• Horses: 1
As soon as I read her age it all kind of clicked..

She's incredibly old, senile, has she been evaluated for Alzheimer or dementia? Cause she doesn't seem even remotely sound in the mind..
Mickey4793 is offline  

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