Irritated... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 07:33 AM Thread Starter
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Irritated...

Hi guys,

Not sure if you can help, or if im in the right section, but i have the problem that everyone keeps finding their idea of "the perfect horse" for me. Then if its my mom followed by: "i wish i could buy it for you" or my barn people followed by "to bad u cant afford it" and i find it upsetting, my mom has been doing this forever. Each time its a let down when she says she isnt going to get it for me, then again she doesn't seem to get the right idea of a good horse for me, but it still hurts, why are you teasing me with horses that you know i will never have cause i cant get it on my own and pay for its care. How do i make her stop? She doesn't seem to get that it hurts, she doesn't see shopping around and then showing me horses she wishes i could have as teasing, but i do...

Any ideas?
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post #2 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 08:35 AM
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I think she probably means well, but I would tell her that it eventually takes the joy out of "shopping" when you can't go any farther than just looking. I would tell her that you appreciate the thought and that you understand the finances involved, so maybe the two of you could steer away from that particular subject for now.
Shopping with no hope of buying can be a bit depressing , but I really do think that she is just trying to take part in your life.

I would just politely tell her that, and try to be sensitive to her feelings as well.

Good luck
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post #3 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 10:12 AM
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Have you tried telling her?
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post #4 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 02:55 PM Thread Starter
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Have you tried telling her?
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Yes she doesnt get why it upsets me
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post #5 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Winterose View Post
Yes she doesnt get why it upsets me
She doesn't need to and that may be the problem. Tell her she doesn't need to understand why it upsets you. You've explained it, it upsets you and that's that.

Ask her how she would feel if you turned the tables and said stuff like "too bad you don't love me enough to buy it for me" or "too bad you don't make enough money to buy it" or something meaner.
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post #6 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 04:51 PM
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I don't know her, but maybe it's making her feel really bad that she can't buy one for you. I am that way about my kids, and my grandkids, I would buy them the world if I could. Why don't you write her a short letter, expressing exactly how you feel, and why, using the ideas of the other poster who told you to say, "how would it make you feel", try tugging at her heart strings a little, and maybe a letter will get your point across to her better than words. Good luck, because this would hurt and upset me as well.
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post #7 of 7 Old 11-10-2013, 07:05 PM
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I know it can be annoying coming from your friends, and hurtful coming from a parent, but look at it from your mothers' perspective. Maybe she feels like 'window shopping' is something you two can bond over, and maybe she does really feel badly that she can't get you your dream horse. I think you need to sit down and talk to her about it, don't tell her it upsets you and leave it at that talk about it. I never talked to my mum about anything, now that I do our relationship is definitely better. Do you have a horse that isn't right for you, or are you just taking lessons? Maybe, if your mum seems interested in the idea, start looking for leases in your area? After all the "perfect horse" for you now might not be the "perfect horse" for you in five years, leases are super beneficial.
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