Just a rant on Abusive Instructors - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 23 Old 08-15-2013, 01:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
Some people need to be pushed or they won't ever progress.

Sure, there are plenty of instructors out there who will tell you what you want to hear, but are they the ones who can actually turn out competent rider/horse combinations? If someone is still doing walk/trot in an arena after a couple of years of lessons I'd say their instructor is garbage, especially if all they do is blow sunshine up their clients' butts.

You need an instructor who will push you when you need it and back off when you don't, not someone who coddles you and kisses your tuckus because you have a silly idea that the 'customer is always right'.

As far as you feeling proud of yourself for blowing up at her because she blew up at you? That's a poor attitude to have. If you want to be respected you need to show respect as well, not come across as some foul mouthed harridan. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I do hope you've found an instructor who meets your needs and meshes with your personality.
There's a difference between pushing and abusing. Screaming and/or insulting is a lousy means of communicating. If someone comes at me that way, it puts me in a fairly evil frame of mind, myself. But being pushed challenges me to no end.

One junior instructor was going for the insulting route, I don't know why-maybe trying something new and I kept my feelings to myself until one day she just got to me and that button being pushed, I sort of came back at her - not insulting her but raising my voice and reminding her I'm human, I'm trying very hard and I really do not like being yelled at or insulted.

Ah but the senior instructor is so damned good, she's wicked. She knows exactly how to push buttons to get you to challenge yourself without resorting to any kind of screaming or insulting or demeaning. She just lets you know she knows you can do it but she never insists, she just lets you know she knows you can. It's her tone, her relaxed method and her little smile - like she's got my number. However, she'll work with you to figure out why you can't, if you can't consistently. Even getting you off the horse and getting on and figuring if the horse needs to be communicated with differently. She's open, she's not competitive with her students, meaning your achievments and failures are yours to experience without her ego getting in the middle of it.

At one point I **** near killed myself trying to push myself in order to live up to that kind of pressing and mentality and I've had to teach myself how to back off and rest because that is really, about the most effective method of making a student very competitive with themselves.


Last edited by wild old thing; 08-15-2013 at 01:25 PM.
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post #22 of 23 Old 08-15-2013, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Missy May View Post
Well, idk, you two (demon and db). If it is an indoor, okay, I guess. But I think the environment matters. In the OP's case...ugh, that is the worst environment I can think of, so my tolerance would be sub-zero. But, if it is outdoors and windy, you just can't "hear" more a few words or syllables. So maybe a helpful person (family, friend, or trainer) gets frustrated and raises their voice and says something like, "d-g it, I said move that horse over, what the he** is wrong w you!?", Or whatnot....I would NOT throw their knowledge and wisdom out w the bath water. Now, if they proceeded to say something personal, like, "You have no taste in clothes or saddles"...okay, that is crossing the line for me.

I can't hear a damned thing in or outside. Our arena is enormous with an appx 30/40 ft high ceiling so words go floating up and away and I'm in my 60s and I'm probably half damned deaf anyway.

But the tone of voice - says it all. If someone talks to me like I'm a bad child or something that got stuck to the bottom of their shoe, it riles me. It really does.


Last edited by wild old thing; 08-15-2013 at 01:36 PM.
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post #23 of 23 Old 08-15-2013, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by faye View Post
Sorry, if you dont want to be pushed then find some silly little girl who will tell you the sun shines out of your behind and everything is fine.

I pay good money to improve my riding, I dont want anyone telling me it something is good unless it is 110% perfect.

The best instructor I ever had screamed at me and reduced me to tears, but I learnt more in the first 2 lessons than I had in the previous 3 years of weekly lessons. She pulled apart my riding to the point where I honestly thought nothing was right and then she put it back together so I was riding the correct way.

Her time was very very valuable, 100 an hour valuable, you had to undergo an assessment to be able to ride at that stables and the horses you rode averaged 40k. So she didnt suffer fools gladly, she had waiting lists 2 years long and those who didnt try 110% were told not to come back untill they were willing to put everything into it.
She was very blunt about weight, if you were over her weight limit you were told not to come back untill you were under it.
She also firmly believed that if you got off the horse and your legs still supported you then you hadnt been working hard enough. Many times I got off those horses with my abs burning and promptly collapsed in a heap because my legs wouldnt hold me up.

Her horses were so used to it that the didnt bat an eyelid at people ending up on the floor underneath them.
I'm sorry but that's nuts.

Everything you're describing could have been accomplished without insulting and abusing people. I've taken a lot of instruction in my lifetime, in sport and as an artist. I've seen instructors, particularly in sports, who would publicly humilate their students, it was their badge of honor. In art too, you'll have the "artiste"s who are just too big for their britches. No one is THAT important and I don't care what they charge.

There was a coach who was utterly humiliating and hideous to his kids when they didn't put it out there under pressure. Everyone loved him because he got such great results. But his methods were well known and the results of it as well. Many skaters left the sport because they couldn't take the pressure HE put on them, in addition to the events themselves.

Then he grew old and his health suffering, he toned down his act. Guess what? His knowledge was far more important than his nasty ways of reducing his skaters to blubbering tears if they didn't grab the top of the podium. He STILL coached national champions. He just didn't abuse them.

Life is too short. If YOU mean business, you don't need someone lording over you calling you fat and stupid and useless. Sorry. I don't buy it.

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