You do not need to "bond" with this horse. Your horse will not "love" you unconditionally. "Oh, this girl is so little, maybe I shouldn't pull through her hands today because she loves me and I love her!" I'm afraid, this isn't the black stallion.
I am very close to my mare Selena, but I wouldn't say she "loves" me or is "bonded" to me in that sense. She is only bonded to me in the way that I have her respect and she recognizes me as the herd leader.
Horses can't always be won over by going easy on them. Some horses legitimately need to be reprimanded, sometimes harsher than you'd like to but not ever without reason. They are very capable of killing you.
I would do groundwork with this horse first. Clinton Anderson is good, he'll show you how to get all of the groundwork done. Downunder Horsemanship TV
has episodes you can watch with horses who have respect issues.
Don't take any crap from this horse. He's learned to push you around. Bonding won't fix it. Horses push other horses they feel are lower than themselves around. In order to get anywhere, you have to push HIM around a little and make sure he respects you. If there are no holes on the ground, get to the saddle and work on it. He tries to brace and run off? Bend him around and make him yield to the bridle and make him work in figure eights. (Also make sure he yields to the bit on the ground. Get a running martingale on neutral if you have to so his head can't shoot up. Take it off when you feel he's safe again) He tries to get back to the other horses? Fine, work his rump off next to them til he sweats and then let him rest away from them.
Also, on the keeping calm issue, breathe the horse down. I've ridden horses who simply go from terrors to easily subdued and calm just from me remembering to relax and breathe. Be conscious of this. Tension in your body will tense him up as well.