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Need to rant

3K views 25 replies 12 participants last post by  franknbeans 
#1 ·
Long story short I am new to horse and am very green. Rode a couple of times on and off for about 4 years at the walk. I ride at a friends place she has about 20 horses and her daughter teaches lessons. Most of the horses there are over fed and underworked if that makes sense.

I rode a "beginner" horse they had for a while, he's good at building confidence on the ground and I trust him( thanks to her dad), he's just completely lazy and unmotivated. I've been riding him for about a year with no progress past a trot and this is barely staying on. Not to mention I'm still nervous about horses other than him.

I've taken a few lessons with the daughter but I don't feel like she's engaged enough. Unless she lunges me she's messing around on the phone texting or talking with other borders. The talking with borders doesn't bother me it helps relax me but the phone thing does. Also she has a very bad habit of talking down to me. Like I said I am new to horses so when a horse "acts" out I don't know what to do, (but I don't panic), however I don't like to hear "move out of the way" or "what are you doing give me that."

She's not really a big fan of ground work, and believes most of the time should be spent in a saddle, though there are no wet blankets. Needless to say there are horses that run me over when I lead them or lagging so far behind I feel like I'm pulling them. So I get yelled at by her because I am not correcting them, well if I knew what to do I wouldn't have this problem and yelling certianly doesn't help. Usually the correction ends up in some form of aggression, I understand that it is necessary when the time comes for it, but not all the time.

I like to spend time with horses and enjoy them, not rush to ride. I would love to own one but don't have the money to care for one. I like the place going out there because I learn a lot from my friend and her husband, but her daugther I just can't get over.

An event that happened yesterday was the last straw I've had with the daughter. It just made me feel like crap and made me question about riding anymore. I love horses and have a burning passion to become a better rider and work my up to cantering for the first time in life. However I don't trust the horses well enough to do anything.

There's one horse that I like in particular that is green broke. I just feel in my heart and in my mind that if I just worked with that horse the way I want to, I would be able to build a trusting relationship and that my confidence would improve. I want to ask but I am scared to. I know my friend will say yes since the horses belong to her but then I would have to deal with issues with her daughter and her single-minded "training"

Do you think this is a good idea? I have been looking at some of CA stuff for about a little more over a year and feel confident enough to at least attempt it with this particular horse.
 
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#2 ·
What I think you need is a professional trainer, not someone's daughter playing at it.

Please do NOT try and take on a green horse just because you've watched some DVDs and have some romanticized idea about 'bonding' with this animal.

You need actual lessons from a professional trainer on good, reliable school horses. Once you've learned how to deal with horses on the ground as well as in the saddle, you'll realize how little you actually know.

I've had horses for 32 years, and don't know everything there is to know about them. Nobody, not even the best trainer with decades of experience, will ever know everything about horses.

If you ignore my advice and bull ahead with your plans, expect to get badly hurt or maybe even dead. Horses are big, dangerous, flight animals. Knowing less than nothing makes you even more likely to get hurt, because what you don't know really CAN get you killed.
 
#3 ·
What I think you need is a professional trainer, not someone's daughter playing at it.

Please do NOT try and take on a green horse just because you've watched some DVDs and have some romanticized idea about 'bonding' with this animal.

You need actual lessons from a professional trainer on good, reliable school horses. Once you've learned how to deal with horses on the ground as well as in the saddle, you'll realize how little you actually know.

I've had horses for 32 years, and don't know everything there is to know about them. Nobody, not even the best trainer with decades of experience, will ever know everything about horses.

If you ignore my advice and bull ahead with your plans, expect to get badly hurt or maybe even dead. Horses are big, dangerous, flight animals. Knowing less than nothing makes you even more likely to get hurt, because what you don't know really CAN get you killed.
Speed racer thanks for the honest response, that is why I asked for an opinion on this, as I have had second thoughts and started guessing myself. I told my friend I much prefered a push button horse and was told that I wouldn't learn anything, I disagree, but we respect each others opinion.

That is why I wanted to hear from other horse people.
 
#4 ·
I agree with you. You need a push button horse.


Some people need to learn on a horse that knows what they are doing. Other people learn better on a horse that they learn along with. There are tons more of the former than the latter.
 
#5 ·
^^I totally agree with SR. It took a "push button" horse to build my confidence. Then I moved up to something a little more challenging. I think that's the one of the best things any one person can do when first getting into horses.
 
#6 ·
Agreed with others about choosing a suitable horse to learn on.

However, the daughters behaviour is unacceptable, very rude and unprofessional. I hope you don't mind me asking but are you paying for these lessons? It sounds to me like the daughter views you as a waste of her precious time, I'm not saying this excuses the behaviour but it might explain it. Either way I would be looking elsewhere for lessons. Sometimes it is hard when the lines of friendship and business are blurred - mates rates are great but if you aren't getting the full benefit from the service I wouldn't bother.
 
#9 ·
I paid her ONCE and would NEVER do it again, so now I just work off the lessons by feeding and helping out.

Its not just me she views as a waste of time, but others as well she'll pretend to be sick so she won't have to give a lesson, but she doesn't put that phone down.

I really don't want to leave I've learned so much from my friend and her husband I have a great time when I'm over there. I was looking to do a lease on a horse that would not cost me an arm and a leg which is how I met them. Plus there were the very few that offered western riding in my area.
 
#8 ·
With your situation I also agree. I started with an extremely "made" horse. Then I moved on to another that was also "made" and so on. Baby steps, get your knowledge and confidence and get to the point where your bored and have to move on to a little bit more challenging of a ride. More challenging does not mean green. I don't ever think people should learn on a green horse. There are plenty of horses out there that are very trained but just require you to "ride a little more". It's not fair to the green horse nor the rider when you try and learn on a green horse. This can cause confusion, aggravation and can be very dangerous. I also think it is very important to know and develope confidence with ground work also. You shouldn't be questioning what to do when they drag you around. Thats the first mistake before getting on its back. Safety is key to a healthy riding experience. You will learn far faster if your on a horse that will teach you. Earn respect and trust from the second you walk up to the horse. Stand up for your feelings and never let someone put you in an uncomfortable situation when learing to ride. You need a professional that will take the time to teach you from ground up on all the "what ifs". I wish you the best of luck and BE SAFE;)
 
#11 ·
Green horse is a green horse, that is. Even with experience it may be challenging. It's NOT flowers and butterflies as many people think, it's hard work every day, often disappointments, and good chance to be hurt (like when my yearling paint lost balance while I was working on picking her foot and fall on me (mostly on my foot). Unintentionally - no question on that, but I couldn't walk for 3 days). I'd say just find a barn with good trainer and productive lessons and start from there.
 
#15 ·
Well I'm glad there's no shame in being labeled a "coward" to which I have been called. I don't want to be turned off because I like horses ( was getting to that point), but everyone is right it looks like I will have to move on yet again.

How do you go about finding a "professional" trainer? There are so many places to chose from.

MLS her parents know she can be "evil" as they put it, but they don't have have a clue as to how far deep it goes. Again I don't say anything.
 
#16 ·
How do you go about finding a "professional" trainer? There are so many places to chose from.
Google first. You can find feedback sometime. Look at the trainer's achievements (any shows, wins, successful students), ask for referrals. Look how horses look like in barn - friendly, well cared, etc. And even then you don't click with any person. You may have to try several places before you find the one you really like. Never know!
 
#17 ·
Long story short I am new to horse and am very green. Rode a couple of times on and off for about 4 years at the walk. I ride at a friends place she has about 20 horses and her daughter teaches lessons. Most of the horses there are over fed and underworked if that makes sense.

I rode a "beginner" horse they had for a while, he's good at building confidence on the ground and I trust him( thanks to her dad), he's just completely lazy and unmotivated. I've been riding him for about a year with no progress past a trot and this is barely staying on. Not to mention I'm still nervous about horses other than him.

I've taken a few lessons with the daughter but I don't feel like she's engaged enough. Unless she lunges me she's messing around on the phone texting or talking with other borders. The talking with borders doesn't bother me it helps relax me but the phone thing does. Also she has a very bad habit of talking down to me. Like I said I am new to horses so when a horse "acts" out I don't know what to do, (but I don't panic), however I don't like to hear "move out of the way" or "what are you doing give me that."

She's not really a big fan of ground work, and believes most of the time should be spent in a saddle, though there are no wet blankets. Needless to say there are horses that run me over when I lead them or lagging so far behind I feel like I'm pulling them. So I get yelled at by her because I am not correcting them, well if I knew what to do I wouldn't have this problem and yelling certianly doesn't help. Usually the correction ends up in some form of aggression, I understand that it is necessary when the time comes for it, but not all the time.

I like to spend time with horses and enjoy them, not rush to ride. I would love to own one but don't have the money to care for one. I like the place going out there because I learn a lot from my friend and her husband, but her daugther I just can't get over.

An event that happened yesterday was the last straw I've had with the daughter. It just made me feel like crap and made me question about riding anymore. I love horses and have a burning passion to become a better rider and work my up to cantering for the first time in life. However I don't trust the horses well enough to do anything.

There's one horse that I like in particular that is green broke. I just feel in my heart and in my mind that if I just worked with that horse the way I want to, I would be able to build a trusting relationship and that my confidence would improve. I want to ask but I am scared to. I know my friend will say yes since the horses belong to her but then I would have to deal with issues with her daughter and her single-minded "training"

Do you think this is a good idea? I have been looking at some of CA stuff for about a little more over a year and feel confident enough to at least attempt it with this particular horse.
First off, you need to find an actual trainer. Obviously working with your daughter is not only not turning into a good training experience, but working with family-in your situation does not work well. You need to find an actual trainer and work with him/her with both basic handling and riding.

As for horse ownership-it's of the most expensive hobbies you could ever get into. It will require a lot of time and will financially be very demanding. You will need to plan for basic health care needs, you will need to have money set aside for emergencies, you will nee to have money each month for board and you will definitely need lessons.

From the sounds of it, you are fairly new to horses and definitely need to learn basic horse handling before you could even be let alone with even a veteran. I definitely don't recommend a green horse for a confidence booster-VERY BAD IDEA.

My advise to you, is go find a trainer who will teach all about horses the proper way, and when you have more experience in a couple years, then look into getting your first horse. Until then I definitely would not be looking into owning one.
 
#19 ·
First off, you need to find an actual trainer. Obviously working with your daughter is not only not turning into a good training experience, but working with family-in your situation does not work well. You need to find an actual trainer and work with him/her with both basic handling and riding.

As for horse ownership-it's of the most expensive hobbies you could ever get into. It will require a lot of time and will financially be very demanding. You will need to plan for basic health care needs, you will need to have money set aside for emergencies, you will nee to have money each month for board and you will definitely need lessons.

From the sounds of it, you are fairly new to horses and definitely need to learn basic horse handling before you could even be let alone with even a veteran. I definitely don't recommend a green horse for a confidence booster-VERY BAD IDEA.

My advise to you, is go find a trainer who will teach all about horses the proper way, and when you have more experience in a couple years, then look into getting your first horse. Until then I definitely would not be looking into owning one.
No offense, but if you read the post, you could see that, she is SO not my daughter. Not to mention I am in college and have so many things going for me right now than getting preggers, lol.

Also I NEVER wanted to own a horse, that was why I opted for leasing. I don't have that type of money for equine care. I have some common sense maybe not good judgement....
 
#18 ·
I learned the basics of everything on the most push-button pony out there. I then fell in love with this fancy little welsh in a field (at the same barn). I begged and begged to ride him and finally my trainer allowed me. But this pony had put me through SO many fences, jumps and dirt. I was only about 12 at the time, but i was tougher then he was and i think that's why my trainer trusted that i was ready. I wish i could get some of the videos from our old shows, he tossed me every chance he got. But i've got a large amount of confidence and riding ability due to this pony. He turned out to be absolutely amazing at that..
 

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#22 ·
Thank you for sharing your story, that pony sounded like a real brat. That's what they say too, I would feel a little bit better if the daughter at least was more invovled with other students than herself.

Just Paint-where are you in Va? I have finally found a place to ride western in NOVA, they do have lessons, and I will even be moving my horse there for the winter. Yes, western is REALLY hard to find, but these are good accredited instructors, and may be a good place for you to look at. Not a fancy barn, by any means, but an indoor, and the horses are well taken care of.
After many years of riding english,(about 40, minus the break to have kids) I decided to change, and had no clue western barns were so hard to find. I have also found a couple that are too far for me, but may fit for you.

You shop, eat and drink with friends, and do business with professionals. This twit will get you hurt OR she will totally sour you on something that you may truly enjoy.
I live in Suffolk, VA. I lived in VB before the move and there were nothing but english barns. I had no problem with it because at that time as long as I was around horses I was very happy, even though I really wanted to ride western. Moved out here encountered the same issue everyone was english there were a few places that taught western but you had to have your own horse.
 
#20 ·
Just Paint-where are you in Va? I have finally found a place to ride western in NOVA, they do have lessons, and I will even be moving my horse there for the winter. Yes, western is REALLY hard to find, but these are good accredited instructors, and may be a good place for you to look at. Not a fancy barn, by any means, but an indoor, and the horses are well taken care of.
After many years of riding english,(about 40, minus the break to have kids) I decided to change, and had no clue western barns were so hard to find. I have also found a couple that are too far for me, but may fit for you.

You shop, eat and drink with friends, and do business with professionals. This twit will get you hurt OR she will totally sour you on something that you may truly enjoy.
 
#21 ·
I've been through some nasty instructors, that's for sure!

I had a bad accident trying do 'break' a horse...I did all the right things, did nothing but ground work for a year, had a 'professional' trainer come out and do the first ride and evaluate her, then asked him "Do you think she's safe for me to ride and train even though I've never done it before?" I even explained that she was my first horse and while I was confident, I wasn't experienced.....The idiot told me to ahead and ride her the next day...My stupid rear end did....For about 30 seconds....before she took off and spun around, throwing me into a fence, where I then broke my back...I'm VERY lucky to be able to walk...and even 4 years later....still loving horses...

Another instructor I dealt with was after the accedent. It took me 6 months to get the balls to ride again...and when I did, it was on a 4 year old 18hh percheron gelding that only had 2 months of pro training...then was turned out for the 6 months of my 'fear' time...He was awesome though, and really pulled me through. The trainer however...was rancid! As a young percheron, his trots were ROUGH. One day, she had me trotting continuously before I had the strength to really post (due to the injury) so I had to sit his trots....which hurt....ALOT...I told her I couldn't do it any longer and she refused to let me stop....I went one more time around the round pen, then HAD to stop...because I ended up leaning over his shoulder and loosing my stomach....Good boy stood stalk still while I did that too....Then...the instructor had the nerve to tell me to go AGAIN....I got off, untacked him, rinsed him off (I got some on his legs...ew...) and turned him out. I did NOT pay the instructor that day...

Same instructor, different horse....I was taking a lesson on my current horse about 2 years ago out in the field. The other horses I had at the time were put up in the area next to the barn, but my horse, who was still VERY green at that time, didn't want to work that day...Instead of just calling it a day, my instructor again kept me going. However by this time, I wasn't about to get 'sick' while riding. Well, my horse kept veering off towards the barn a little when we would circle around near the gate. Not that she would stop, or head RIGHT at the fence, she would just make an oval towards the gate. My instructor DEMANDED that I get my horse under control and do it 'right'....I could feel that when I tried to do this, my horse would tense all over and pin her ears...CLEARLY not interested in being 'forced'...By now however, she and I had an AMAZING bond that took nearly 2 years to build...she would never hurt me on purpose. Finally I got fed up with the instructor and flat out told her "YOU'RE the trainer/instructor, YOU make her do it!" So, she got on...sure enough, at the same spot, she tried to 'force' my horse into whatever it was she wanted her to do...first time...the instructor went flying...And my horse trotted right up to me, ignoring the instructor, and was almost laughing about it...I swear...

No mater what, you can't prepare or plan things when dealing with horses. You can wear helmets, and hope the horse is sane and loves you, but you can't protect yourself from the people that come along....I have many more horror stories about bad times...But the amazing feeling I get from being with my horse, totally makes up for it all...

Just as a note...even after my bad experience, I trained my current horse myself...2 years of ground work, bonding, and desensitizing went into it. And she has taught me SO much. I'm not one to say "Never get a green horse" simply because I did have such a good experience with it. However...just remember, green on green equals black and blue...It's a true saying by all means...so if you do decide to work with a green horse...be ready to soak in hot baths and deal with injuries. Luckily, the worst I got was a bruise from being 'pawed' while giving wormer....dang bruise lasted a year!
 
#23 ·
Before I posted I've been reading a lot about the green on green training, there are some success stories but usually they don't end well. Even though I have been riding the same horse for almost a year I still have not progressed. Well I can't say that I can ride bareback at the trot even though I'm sloppy so that's some accomplishment.

I think a trainer would definitely make a difference. One that is not so "pushy" and would explain things rather than become frustrated. Unfortunately with all the horses they have only a few are ridable. The one I usually ride is nice but he's lazy when you do get him going he has a very bad habit of rushing and running off. They tell me to slow down but I don't know how and when I do what they tell me it doesn't work and I usually end up stopping in the corner.

Honestly the more I think about this the more angry and upset I get. Why is it that people who want nothing to do with a horse other than ride, own horses. Yet those that want to bond and learn more about horses watch in the shadows. It like that at every barn I go to other gals that have been riding since they were able to walk have horses at such a young age and do nothing but want to win shows and money. This is exactly how the daughter is. I've looked at so many barns and all have that same atmosphere of trophies and ribbons. This was like the first family orientated barn I'd been to, with the exception of the daughter the people and the borders are really nice. We have parties and share horse stories. Its just really disappointing to me that this happens.

I know I sound like I'm whining but this is just the stuff that I've seen over the years I've been trying to learn how to ride. Some people take so many things for granted with horses.
 
#24 ·
Perhaps a good idea is to sit down and talk to your friend. Explain that their daughter just isn't a good fit for you to learn with. Then ask if you can find someone else to do lessons with. I've found a few instructors who will go out to other people's barns and do lessons there, so you might ask if you can work off a lease of a horse you do like, then pay for an instructor to come out. If they get worried, just explain that you value their friendship and that you don't want it to be upset by such a business deal. If they are as nice and understanding as you say they are, this shouldn't be a problem.

Also, I find that you learn alot more outside of a roundpen/arena. So, perhaps if there are nice boarders there, ask if one of them will ride WITH you and just pal around a bit.

I personally get REALLY nervous in roundpens or arenas, but as soon as I relax in an open field, both my horse, and I do MUCH better! And, if you're not looking to show, that might be a better approach to learning. If you have your basics down, just work on practicing. There's so much more out there than round pens and arenas! And not just trail rides. I personally love a good pasture jaunt. Around the fence line, 'investigate' some trees, so on and so forth.

It really sounds to me like you need a breather from regimented lessons and could really benefit from a more relaxed type of riding.

I hope it works out whatever you do...And just so you know...Me and my horse are still WONDERFUL partners, even though when I got her I was injured, completely not confident, and didn't know what I was doing....apart from the injured part, she was previously abused, scared of EVERYTHING (even her own shadow if the sun shined just right!) and a total basket case...While our journey isn't the best for many people, I find it's really rewarding so long as the work is stuck with!
 
#25 ·
That sounds like a good idea. Actually the last time I been back to the barn the Husband was stating that the daughter is mostly English not Western (which is what I trying to learn.) He stated that he wanted the place to be "unique" because every place around us is English riding. They spoke about another place hiring a trainer, so they might be open to the idea. When I see them this weekend I will ask them. In the mean time I am going to take a break from this and move on.

However I will keep everyone posted on what goes on.

The horse I ride now is very awesome he's very sweet but just lazy. I feel very confident on and around him. He's the type that has been ridden then left for the next rider, so when he sees people coming he runs. I would like to have bond with him but I don't think he cares, lol. Oh well at least its nice for me to be around him.
 
#26 ·
Well, Suffolk is far from anything I have looked at. However, to find the one I am ending up at, I did lots of searching on the net, went to tack shops and looked at bulletin boards, picked up the free local horsey papers, etc. Then, when I found a few that sounded like possibilities, I called and visited. (I did NOT have many to visit, it was a very short list, lol). One site that may help is Virginia Equestrian. Good luck, wish I was more help, but most of the western barns tend to be mid-state. Maybe NC if it not too far?
 
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