Need to vent before discussing my mom’s horse with her - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 01:49 PM Thread Starter
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Need to vent before discussing my mom’s horse with her

I’m at the end of my patience. My mother keeps “her” percheron at my house with my two horses.
This is a horse she has never harnessed up in the eight years she’s had her. I’ve been the only one who does it.
She’s only ridden her three or four times in all those years.
Now that the horse is at my house she does Nothing at all with her. She doesn’t even come give her treats or brush her. She won’t come ride along if I hitch her up.

The biggest issue with this is the horse is Destructive. Just breaks things because she can kind of thing.
At the previous barn she shattered fence rails and crushed all the barn siding.
We set things up so there’s no physical access the the barn siding when we built so at least I don’t have that but she’s snapping fence posts, killing trees, and has wrecked the front of her stall pushing it out to pop the door open.

Walking out this morning to find her finishing off the chicken scratch, wallowing in her mess Again makes me want to scream.

My mother has never offered to repair anything damaged and when I mention it she says her horse is bored. I need to work her more! It’s not My horse!!!

She should be out here doing something about it. I could tolerate the things the horse does if my mom at least came out to visit the darn thing. Instead she acts like it’s some great privilege for me to have her here.
Going to tell her that she has to commit to coming out regularly or commit to finding a new home for her horse.

Just needed to get that out before talking to her.
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post #2 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 01:55 PM
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I think that's a wise choice. You wouldn't tolerate it from a stranger, shouldn't have to just because it's a relative.
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post #3 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 02:22 PM
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So several days since you started this have gone by...thinking you had enough to blow up days ago...
How was your discussion with mom?

And if you haven't had that discussion yet...

Vent away...keep your temper, just state the facts...

If your barn & fencing was not constructed for drafts, then you are going to have damages, period.
This is your home...
You will no longer have the horse kept at your home because of the damages it does being a horse.
You are not equipped or built for a draft in residence, you have tried but the horse has and is doing more damages to your home than you are willing to have occur.
The horse has till end of the month and is gone from your premises.
Mom is going to have to step up to being a true caregiver and caretaker of her horse now so realize she has to make some life changes to spend time with the animal it is now really going to cost her to board at a barn.
December 1st is 10 days away...mom needs to get a move-on making those new boarding arrangements.
Stick to your decision for the sake of your home and barn not to be wrecked further.
It isn't your horse, this isn't your responsibility but it is going to fall on you to force the animal from your property.
There would be no discussion...just actions of horse leaving.
...
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Last edited by horselovinguy; 11-21-2019 at 02:27 PM.
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post #4 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 02:30 PM
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Good idea...definitely shouldn't tolerate that. Make it clear that you will not tolerate anymore damage. Sigh, if her horse is bored...then she should be working with him. Not just letting him sit there, or in this case, go nutso! I agree you shouldn't have to tolerate it. Since she's your mother, she may try to make you feel guilty about not allowing her horse there anymore, but keep it business-like & get her horse outta there, hopefully sooner rather than later.
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post #5 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 03:02 PM
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It never ceases to amaze me how in many families, some people just use other people, and rely on the idea that they're family and can therefore get away with it, when if anything, if you're family, you should treat each other with more care, respect and love than you would the average person.

No wonder you're angry. Don't put up with it, @farrieremily . I'm sorry for your trouble, and I'm sorry for the horse too, who has been neglected by her owner and is bored out of her mind. Some people shouldn't own horses and she sounds like one of them. Please remember to send her the damages bill too. You shouldn't have to shoulder costs caused by your mother's neglect of her animal.

Some of us simply don't have the nice, considerate, kind, fair mothers we always wished we could have had. And if that's the case, they're unlikely to change...

Best wishes, and vent anytime.
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post #6 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 09:22 PM
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This is not specifically aimed at the OP, but this topic always brings things up for some people. In case anyone here has very unkind family, I found a great little clip:


I can thoroughly recommend the School Of Life philosophy channel on YouTube for all sorts of life situations.

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post #7 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 10:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SueC View Post
This is not specifically aimed at the OP, but this topic always brings things up for some people. In case anyone here has very unkind family, I found a great little clip:

https://youtu.be/VDKOY0ZTDPI

I can thoroughly recommend the School Of Life philosophy channel on YouTube for all sorts of life situations.
That was hard to watch. Thanks for sharing. Definitely a good message.
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post #8 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 10:15 PM
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Getting your mother to take responsibility may be a futile endeavor.

But keeping your home safe from a over grown bored pony is not an impossible task!

Why not run a line of electric fencing around every thing you want to protect? A few zaps should teach her respect for fences.

As to busting out of the stall (my percheron/arab cross did that once) I'm not sure she is doing that to be pushy. She might just be bored in there, or maybe the stall is just too small.

Can you leave her out or give her a huge hay net with small holes to nibble on? Or maybe a treat ball?
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post #9 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 10:23 PM
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These are good ideas, @AnitaAnne , but they further enable the OP's mother...who should be taking responsiblity for the horse - instead of the OP slaving away yet more for something that's not her responsiblity - something that's already gone on far too long. If I were in that situation, the horse would go - I'd not be hosting it anymore under any circumstances - with the exception of ownership transfer to me if I liked the horse and had time for it, as an option. But in these sorts of situations, getting the horse off your property is the simplest solution, and may result in the horse being eventually sold to someone who will actually work with her, rather than mouldering in a paddock because her owner can't be bothered looking after her.

I once again extend my sympathies to the OP. It can be a really tough situation if you have emotionally bonded with the horse, but the best thing for the horse would be a new, responsible owner who doesn't expect other people to do their job for them...

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post #10 of 36 Old 11-21-2019, 10:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SueC View Post
These are good ideas, @AnitaAnne , but they further enable the OP's mother...who should be taking responsiblity for the horse - instead of the OP slaving away yet more for something that's not her responsiblity - something that's already gone on far too long. If I were in that situation, the horse would go - I'd not be hosting it anymore under any circumstances - with the exception of ownership transfer to me if I liked the horse and had time for it, as an option. But in these sorts of situations, getting the horse off your property is the simplest solution, and may result in the horse being eventually sold to someone who will actually work with her, rather than mouldering in a paddock because her owner can't be bothered looking after her.

I once again extend my sympathies to the OP. It can be a really tough situation if you have emotionally bonded with the horse, but the best thing for the horse would be a new, responsible owner who doesn't expect other people to do their job for them...
Not that many homes available for drafts, she would most like end up at auction.

I didn't mean to be encouraging her to enable her mother. On the contrary, I think she should just claim ownership of the mare and protect her home.

If it was me, I wouldn't even bother calling a mother like that. I'd ghost her. Too much frustration and heartache, but really it's not the horse's fault she was dumped there.
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