Newbie Friend with Rescued TB - VENTING - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 08:25 AM Thread Starter
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Newbie Friend with Rescued TB - VENTING

I need to vent...

So, I met at girl when I first got back into horses at a horrible barn with a crazy BO/trainer. The BO talked her into adopting her OTTB mare around the end of August. She took lessons for about six months when she was about 12 years old and has trail ridden at public places now and then over the years (she's now 22). So, the old BO/trainer convinces her to adopt this 14 yr old TB mare that is blind in her left eye from cataracts, is showing signs of cataracts in her right eye, has navicular in her right front leg, and has major pin firing marks on both front shins.

The first time the girl rode her horse, she fell off and broke her collar bone. Nobody is really sure what happened since she wanted to get the feel for her without anyone watching. That was the beginning of Sept. She recently moved to the barn where I am currently riding at, and was cleared by her dr to return to riding. I am now realizing how little this girl actually knows. She doesn't know how to handle any horse on the ground, doesn't know how to tack up, doesn't know to clean up after herself, etc. The BO is nervous about her riding alone, so she has spent numerous nights teaching this girl how to pick out her horses' feet, lead her around, tack up, and stays with her in the ring for fear that she could get hurt again. The BO cut her a break on boarding b/c she told the BO that she was an intermediate level rider, how great her horse is, and that the BO could use her horse in lessons. The horse has been lame since she arrived (apparently, the owner decided to pull her shoes off, not understanding her navicular). So, the BO has no horse to use in lessons, is basically giving her free private lessons every time she's there, and the rest of us have to help her with EVERYTHING she tries to do.

I'm just getting really annoyed. I've sent this girl lists of books, websites, and magazine articles to give her more info about her horse's medical conditions, basic riding, basic horse care, etc. She doesn't bother to look at any of it. She doesn't pay attention to the way anyone does anything around the barn and it's up to us to do everything for her. Stupid stuff, like whenever her horse is on the cross-ties she poops and one of us has to pick it up because she just stands there and looks at it. Even my fiance has picked up her horse's poop twice! Last night, we all stood around waiting for her to get done on the cross-ties for a half hour while she figured out how to put the saddle and bridle on. She doesn't ask for help and just stands there staring at her horse. She's scared to death of doing anything on the ground or in the saddle.

Several of us have tried to steer her in the right direction without being rude. We all end up spending an extra hour or two at the barn every night trying to help her. My poor BO didn't start feeding the horses until 9:00 last night b/c she was trying to help her and watch her to make sure she didn't get hurt. It's just frustrating and nobody knows what to do or say! Several of us have encouraged her to consider sending the horse back to the rescue. She can't afford to keep shoes on her or have the vet out and doesn't want to understand anything about her navicular or cataracts. I've recommended she take lessons for now, or even lease a horse at the barn (lessons are included in the leases). She doesn't want to take lessons, she just wants to trail ride. If she can't care for or handle her horse, I sort of feel like she has no business having one! It's not our problem to waste all this time helping her!

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Smart people listen. Not so smart people think they do not need to hear what others have to say.
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post #2 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 09:24 AM
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It sounds to me that yall have bent over backwards trying to help. I'm sure by now she's expecting the BO and everyone else to do things for her... I think at this point continueing to do for her is just enabling her ignorance.

When she has the cross ties for that long, just go tie up somewhere else and tack up - go about your own business. Hopefully when she see's that things aren't going to get done for her, she'll pay attention to learning to do for herself. I do feel for her mare.

Sometimes the best help you can give someone is no help at all

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post #3 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
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^ That's the point I'm at now. It's not doing her any good to have everyone else do things for her. I feel bad when so looks completely lost, but I work full time and go to school part time. I can't waste the few coveted hours I have at the barn helping her! And the BO is too nice to say anything, but she doesn't even realize that she's getting private lessons for free! I'm sure she hasn't even thought to offer her money. Yes, it annoys me a tad that I am paying TWICE what she pays per month and she is getting tons of special treatment and one-on-one time with our trainer.

Her mare is the SWEETEST OTTB I've seen in a long time. Unfortunately, when her mare is just being a horse, she thinks she's freaking out. It's not helping things when she is so nervous and making her horse nervous. Her mare is the type to look to people for leadership and guidance. It just seems like a situation that's going to lead to trouble.

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Smart people listen. Not so smart people think they do not need to hear what others have to say.
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post #4 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 09:34 AM
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Maybe yall could also try the 'tough love' approach.. just tell her straight up what she needs to be doing and/or stop doing... nicely of course and that you've just tried to help, but she's on her own with it

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post #5 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 09:41 AM
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I agree, with qrthrsecrazy, it is time to let her sink or swim.
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post #6 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 09:57 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks guys. At least now I won't feel quite as guilty!!

This will make you laugh though... The day we moved her horse from the old barn to the new one, she showed up wearing brand new "fashion" cowboy boots over her skin tight jeans with a cream colored super tight sweater. Hair and makeup were done for a night out! I thought I might have misunderstood and we were going clubbing instead of picking up her horse!! I wish I had a camera that night... Needless to say, the rest of us did the actual work moving her horse and getting her settled in while she watched.

Ok, that was mean to share, but it really is kinda funny...

Quote:
Smart people listen. Not so smart people think they do not need to hear what others have to say.
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post #7 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 02:30 PM
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Perhaps she is just one of those people who is in love with the idea of owning a horse, but doesn't want to get her hands dirty. I have no patience for these types, or any person for that matter who doesn't bother to do the proper research/learn about the animals under their care. I say you've done all you can for this girl...sometimes they just need to learn on their own, at the expense of their horse of course. I'm sorry to hear that the situation is unfair, it sounds like the trainer is being sympathetic...but no amount of extended one-on-one time and having people such as yourself painstakingly explain things over and over for her will work if she doesn't want to do the work involved/bother to listen. ):
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post #8 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 03:15 PM
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Maybe she's to dumb to take a hint. Start going "bitch" on her and spell it out loud and clear. It will propbably end your friendship but it sounds like it's kind of a one-sided friendship anyway.

There's nothing like the Rockies in the springtime... Nothing like the freedom in the air... And there ain't nothing better than draggin calves to the fire and there's nothing like the smell of burning hair. -Brenn Hill
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post #9 of 21 Old 11-11-2009, 04:14 PM
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Wow. She doesn't sound very bright...

If I were you, I would make a point and just stop helping her altogether. Hopefully she'll find out (probably the hard way) that she needs to get her act together. I feel bad for her poor horse. It sounds like she rides her even though she's lame. O.o

If that doesn't work, I would resort to my nasty side. No more being nice about it. Tell her point blank that she's not doing her horse any favors with her ignorance and she needs to shape up. I'm surprised she hasn't been kicked out yet. Props to you guys for trying to help.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is ultimately to be at peace with himself.
What a man can be, he must be.
" Abraham Maslow, 1968
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post #10 of 21 Old 11-12-2009, 03:41 AM
 
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i feel bad for the poor horse too. would it be worth talking to the rescue place she came from and maybe they could do a check up on her,and back that up with periodic reports on progress,. as to me it seems that if the girl isnt interested in inproving her horsecare standards now , then as time passes, its all going to go downhill, as the mare gets older and has more health issues. i think your bo is in a bind as you all are, as you want to keep the horse in your radar, over concern for it and safety; if any ultimatums were given to the girl to up her game, then she could move the horse, and it would possibly end up in a neglected situation. the rescue should have done more in the way of checking suitability here,and have an obligation to the horse to intervene if its not working out, imo. it seems to me the girl is totally overwhelmed and regretting her action of taking the horse on, and is in denial as to her obligations to the horse, and that doesnt bode well for the future. i would find out the rescue group and call them!
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