Not sure how to approach this BO issues - The Horse Forum
  • 1 Post By Chiilaa
  • 2 Post By Prinella
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post #1 of 9 Old 06-20-2012, 11:55 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne
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Not sure how to approach this BO issues

Ok I apologize in advance this will be an essay!

Currently I have both horses agisted at the riding school where I teach.

There is no contract I'd never heard of one when I started there.

The arrangement as it stands is full care agistment for both horses in exchange for me teaching Saturday's.

Previously I spent a year living out there as a trainee. Working 6 days a week often 8-9 with a 3 hour break for our personal horse time. During this year the boss got sick. This was 3 years ago. I was supposed to be having a lesson a day and was ok when that didn't happen. I signed on as her full time carer.

When she was sick I took over I ran all lessons organized farrier/feed etc

Had it not been for me she would have had to close the business years ago. I went back to uni and organized other 'trainees' and work for board to take over.

Ella has been a bit of an issue with other people for a few years. It started when she hurt herself had to be yarded. 'staff' at the time let her get away with a lot and her behaviour turned. Ella hasnt been full care for a couple of years, That was fine Slightly annoying but I accepted it.

I've continued to teach saturdays for agistment, running holiday programs teaching lessons during the week. And playing taxi. She was taking horses up to a chiro an hour and a half away once a week for about 2 months. I did that for her including the week of my exams.

Point being I feel I have helped her out greatly. We also are quite close most of the time.

Recently she's been slipping in the care of her horses and those agisted there. It's not like her she's always put the horses first second third and fourth.

She's recently been in hospital trying to deal with some psychological issues that could be the root of her illness.

During her stay i helped a friend Billy run the school in her absence. Billy had lived with BO for about 7 years they were the best of friends and Billy was my instructor as a kid. It was through Billy I found BO.

Billy taught one day on the weekend I taught the other Billy took no money for these 8 hour days and delt with the day to day running whilst holding down a full time job.

We organized all the horses see the farrier as they were all overdue. I was spending 4 hours a fortnight with the farrier. We built the business up to it's former glory. Students were progressing. I recruited from their ranks some assistants so I could do privates as the group was preparing. I worked through my lunch hour.

Billy was feeding and rugging my horses at this point.

I focused on putting training into 3 horsesand getting them ready for the school. Both are now being ridden for intermediate riders.

BO got back and there was a rather large fight with Billy. I won't specify but I will say she was lashing out.

They had been fighting over money recently. Billy told BO she would move out as soon as she found a place.

another big fight ensued. BO moved bully's horses off property without permission and tried evicting her on the spot, when that failed she tried banning her from certain areas. Not allowed through vtac. So BO got a restraint order.

I've found Billy an awesome house and she Moves in Saturday. She hasn't told BO as she can't also as she's been told to get out and has no contract feels no need to give notice. She also worries if she tells her shemay start claiming Billys property as her own, much of it is in the main house where BO is using it.

My horses will be going with Billy. The property is literally around the corner.

Bear in mind I remain close friends with both these women.

It was arranged a while ago that I wasn't going to teach weekends anymore. I want some time to enjoy my horses I want to go hunting and with uni it can't all fit. BO understood this and has restructured business accordingly.

I will still teach during the week.

I don't want to cut my ties with this person.

A friend has been asking some innocent questions and has found out BO is happy for me to go as Ella is a pain because she has to feed her. ( Billy can't feed my horses anymore not allowed in barn)

How do I do this?

I want to continue to use facilities and such. I feel I am entitled to this after all I've done for her. Mostly riding areas.

Basically the only thing that will change for her is that my horses won't require feeding / monitoring and more space for hers.

I really want to remain friends. I'll probably Talk to her monday but move horses Sunday AM.

It will be a 2 person job and it's getting dark early ATM. I'll have a brief chat Saturday after lessons. I'm off to Fiji next Sunday so the move needs to be this week.

How do I do this?
I was thinking of stressing the points that
- it will be easier for her not having to worry about Ella
- I can't always get out and I need full care ( she's not offering full care after this week )
-There's a heap of grass at Billys

If anyone's read all this congratulations!
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post #2 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 12:03 AM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Quad Cities, IL
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Honestly the best you can do is try to talk to her as you've laid it out here. Explain that you're making it easier for her but with you continuing to help at her facilities you'd like to have use of her facilities. I guess I didn't catch whether you are getting paid or partially paid for the work in exchange for the boarding of your horses? I'm sure if it came to it she'd rather let you use the facilities if the choices were that or raising your wages.

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post #3 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 12:17 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne
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I get paid $20 a teaching hour, except Saturday's. Some holidays I'm paid some im not.

Teaching is the only thing I'm paid for the rest is me helping a friend. Considering my first Tuesday lesson needs an hour preparation ( disabled group) I'm hoping that'll work out.
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post #4 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 01:02 AM
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From what yours saying it seems like you have put in more then your fair share of work! Then she says feeding your horse is a CHORE? Tell her to get out there and teach her own lessons!! She doesn't seem like much of a friend, honestly. It sounds more like she is using you. I say move and cut ties with this woman. If she allows you to use the rings then fine, if not oh well. After all... What has she been doing for YOU? You could of been building your own business all this time.
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post #5 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 02:20 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Prinella, I want to give you these.

They are big girl panties. You need to put them on. And I mean this in the nicest possible way. We all have times when we feel like we don't want to have a conversation with someone, and that is when we need to put these suckers on.

Talk to the BO. Tell her what you have told us here. Print out the choice bits for her even. A "reasonable" person who is your friend won't have a problem with that. However, if you don't let her in on the idea before you move your horses, she is probably going to get her own knickers in a twist. Just tell her honestly why you are moving them. She can either deal with it or not. That's something you can only mitigate by giving her the best possible explanation. You can't control it any further than that.

I do hope you take this the right way, in the light-hearted manner I mean it

Mods, grant me the serenity to see the opinions I cannot change, courage to change the ones that should change, and the wisdom to spot the trolls.
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post #6 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 03:13 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne
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Them some BIG panties

That's why I planned on having a quick chat Saturday. Before moving them Sunday.

Ideally I'd move them next week but I'll be in Fiji. I debated leaving them there longer, till I get back, but seems silly when I know they'll be better looked after.

Holiday pay depends on lessons I get. I do occasionally get free lessons off her.

Timings kinda sucky,
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post #7 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 03:36 AM
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Location: Perth, Western Australia
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I promise they're not mine *blush*
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Mods, grant me the serenity to see the opinions I cannot change, courage to change the ones that should change, and the wisdom to spot the trolls.
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post #8 of 9 Old 06-21-2012, 05:08 AM
Green Broke
Join Date: Jan 2010
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u just have to be upfront with her. she could take it either way. hopefully for the sake of yalls relationship shes understanding

*Insert something witty*
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post #9 of 9 Old 06-22-2012, 03:31 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne
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She was told about the mOve today so I called up.

Started with chit chat, great sale at the saddlery weather etc.

Then she tells me that my horses are out of hay, it's too wet to get a round out and she's low on squares. ( I have 2 rolls sitting there). Aha I think theres my in! Gotta love how the universe works!

Bit more chit chat about her horses and saddles then I say 'so you've heard about the move' she asked whether I was going or staying. I said 'well with Ella it'll probably be easier for both of us' she agreed wholeheartedly.

Went back to talking about hay and I suggested I move them tomorrow so she only had to give me one square to tide them through the night.

She agreed and is giving me an hour when I supposed to be teaching so I can move them early. It's pitch black by 530 at the moment so the earlier the better. I said I would do it before I starts but I'm working till 2am and will only get 5 hrs sleep on a standard start time.

I slotted in a comment about it being good that's it's so close as we can still play ponies together! Got no response to that but at least moving them on good terms.
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