The Real Rules of Dressage - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 04-26-2019, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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The Real Rules of Dressage

THE REAL RULES OF DRESSAGE
1. If you really want to get better at dressage, take it up at an earlier age - and grow an extra 3 inches of leg.
2. A dressage test is a test of your skill against another competitor's luck.
3. Dressage is about achieving a harmonious working relationship with your horse, whose only idea of harmony is eating grass in a field with his buddies.
4. If you want to end a drought or dry spell, wear a new jacket and hat to an outdoor arena.
5. Untalented, difficult, aggressive horses have robust health, good hocks and long lives.
6. Talented tractable horses are accident prone and have OCD lesions.
7. You will ride the best test of your entire life just prior to being disqualified for not wearing your gloves.
8. Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your head before a test.
9. Never keep less than another 300 separate thoughts in your head during a test.
10. Horses do not improve their paces because you are wearing expensive German breeches.
11. If you chose a disco theme for your dressage to music test then the judge will be more than 90 years of age and Swiss.
12. The less skilled the rider, the more likely they are to share their critique of your test.
13. If you are considering the services of a horse clairvoyant to help you with training then you have reached the point of total desperation - try the German breeches.
14.Your horse has never heard of Podhajsky, let alone read the book.
15. No matter how badly you ride a test, it is always possible to ride a worse one.
16. If it ain't broke, try shifting your position and it will be.
17. Judges only suffer from temporary blindness (or kindness) when they are judging someone else's test.
18. If you fall off your horse in the arena you will have paid to have the test videoed.
19. If you are feeling confident before a show then three of the USET dressage team will turn up to give their young horses some "experience."
20. Your horse will perform its best piaffe ever when you ask for extended canter.
22. Since runs of bad competitions come in groups of three, the fourth competition is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
23. No one cheats at dressage because no one has worked out how to do it.
24. It is surprisingly easy to end a test with a perfect square halt once you have scored a four for every other movement.
25. The result of an expensive lesson from a top pro is that you will stop believing in that tiny piece of innate ability that was holding your riding together.
26. Remember when buying a dressage horse advertised as "needs experienced competitive rider" this really means "needs the skills of Isabelle Werth just to stay on board."
27. If you think your test was better than someone else's, it probably wasn't.
28. If you pay 60,000 for an imported WB, you will be beaten in First Level 4 by a Quarter Horse.
29. Clinics given by someone with an interesting accent are not necessarily superior to those given by the homegirl.
30. If you go to the expense of raising an expensive WB foal, he will have a talent for jumping and no walk worth talking about.
**Author unknown

I don't break horses, I FIX them!
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post #2 of 12 Old 04-26-2019, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greentree View Post
THE REAL RULES OF DRESSAGE
1. If you really want to get better at dressage, take it up at an earlier age - and grow an extra 3 inches of leg.
2. A dressage test is a test of your skill against another competitor's luck.
3. Dressage is about achieving a harmonious working relationship with your horse, whose only idea of harmony is eating grass in a field with his buddies.
4. If you want to end a drought or dry spell, wear a new jacket and hat to an outdoor arena.
5. Untalented, difficult, aggressive horses have robust health, good hocks and long lives.
6. Talented tractable horses are accident prone and have OCD lesions.
7. You will ride the best test of your entire life just prior to being disqualified for not wearing your gloves.
8. Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your head before a test.
9. Never keep less than another 300 separate thoughts in your head during a test.
10. Horses do not improve their paces because you are wearing expensive German breeches.
11. If you chose a disco theme for your dressage to music test then the judge will be more than 90 years of age and Swiss.
12. The less skilled the rider, the more likely they are to share their critique of your test.
13. If you are considering the services of a horse clairvoyant to help you with training then you have reached the point of total desperation - try the German breeches.
14.Your horse has never heard of Podhajsky, let alone read the book.
15. No matter how badly you ride a test, it is always possible to ride a worse one.
16. If it ain't broke, try shifting your position and it will be.
17. Judges only suffer from temporary blindness (or kindness) when they are judging someone else's test.
18. If you fall off your horse in the arena you will have paid to have the test videoed.
19. If you are feeling confident before a show then three of the USET dressage team will turn up to give their young horses some "experience."
20. Your horse will perform its best piaffe ever when you ask for extended canter.
22. Since runs of bad competitions come in groups of three, the fourth competition is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
23. No one cheats at dressage because no one has worked out how to do it.
24. It is surprisingly easy to end a test with a perfect square halt once you have scored a four for every other movement.
25. The result of an expensive lesson from a top pro is that you will stop believing in that tiny piece of innate ability that was holding your riding together.
26. Remember when buying a dressage horse advertised as "needs experienced competitive rider" this really means "needs the skills of Isabelle Werth just to stay on board."
27. If you think your test was better than someone else's, it probably wasn't.
28. If you pay 60,000 for an imported WB, you will be beaten in First Level 4 by a Quarter Horse.
29. Clinics given by someone with an interesting accent are not necessarily superior to those given by the homegirl.
30. If you go to the expense of raising an expensive WB foal, he will have a talent for jumping and no walk worth talking about.
**Author unknown
Cute, I've seen it before, but thanks for the giggle again-!!
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post #3 of 12 Old 04-27-2019, 01:54 AM
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Hey Susie, @alsosusieq2 good to see you in here again! It's a nice break from our usual pursuits. 😉😉
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post #4 of 12 Old 04-28-2019, 03:55 PM
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Wait, what? Those expensive German breeches don't really make my horse go better. Ouch.

Just winging it is not a plan
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post #5 of 12 Old 04-28-2019, 06:35 PM
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@Green rtree,, I lLOVE it and believe me I can relate to many of those items.
On one test it said "off center line" at the end, I said I was right on the line but the video proved me wrong. Who would ever doubt the Judges wisdom.

If I thought for one second the expensive German breeches would help my ride, I would be the first one in line at the Expensive German Breeches store.
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post #6 of 12 Old 04-28-2019, 07:29 PM
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All too true! Once during a thunderstorm at Conyers I took a second on a $1000.00 grade QH, who loved to show, over a lot of expensive WB that spooked badly with the rain thundering on the roof
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post #7 of 12 Old 04-28-2019, 07:58 PM
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Originally Posted by jaydee View Post
Wait, what? Those expensive German breeches don't really make my horse go better. Ouch.
Lol! Well, wait, they work after you already tried the horse psychic apparently!

I DON'T LEAD 'EM AND FEED 'EM, I RIDE 'EM AND SLIDE 'EM.
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post #8 of 12 Old 04-28-2019, 09:01 PM
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Wait, then why DO those breeches cost so much? Is it just so I can tell everyone how much I paid for them?
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post #9 of 12 Old 04-29-2019, 12:27 PM
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@AnitaAnne all too true about rain and bad weather.

I have done well at these shows because I ride in all kinds of weather, like today with gale force winds and a new horse, at our shows they are outside and I have ridden in the pouring rain and the ring with great puddles in it. The Judge one time told me that I was the only rider who rode the test accurately as most avoided going into the puddles. my horse wanted to do the same but he sloshed through them when I asked. Got some year end awards by not avoiding riding in bad weather,
Hubby once told me after a ride with huge puddles These Prima Donnas don't want to get their petticoats wet.

Plus I was riding an Appaloosa against some pretty well bred horses. He really came through for me as we won five year end awards that year, Persona; best for me.
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post #10 of 12 Old 04-29-2019, 01:11 PM
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On the topic of bling, gloves, and helmets, here's a handy-dandy fact check of all the latest fashion trends in the dressage ring of the Kentucky Three Day Event 2019



Kentucky 2019 At-A-Glance: Dressage Gear | Eventing Nation - Three-Day Eventing News, Results, Videos, and Commentary
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