Riding etiquette and other dilemma's (rant post) - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 27 Old 09-05-2013, 11:48 PM
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She sounds kinda mean to me. A real friend would wait for you to water your horse.
I also think she is somewhat afraid of her horse.
Riding a horse for a long time, and then not letting it drink, because she does not want to dismount/remount is very mean to the horse.
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post #12 of 27 Old 09-05-2013, 11:56 PM
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No, I wasn't meaning it badly. Heck, I'm not exactly little. And I was saying her disability is what causes her to not understand things.

It came off as rude, but wasn't meant to be.
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post #13 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 12:18 AM
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She is terrified of this horse for no reason. Either that, or she has some type of complex. The horse is supposedly "wild" and "crazy", but was a kids horse (taught Britt and I to ride when we first started back in 02), and is NOT wild at all.

She doesn't really know what she's doing, but you can't tell her anything or she gets definsive. Like Britt said about the "I wanna go home" stuff is what happens if you correct, or even try to suggest anythng to her. You can all think I'm mean or talking badly of her, but I'm not.

For example, she once threatened, and started to, kick a foal (under 3 months old) she had in the stomach for not standing still when it was tied. When I not so nicely told her if she did that, there would be problems, she stormed home and told her dad, who then came up and cussed me and threatened to "whip me" for bullying his daughter.
She was 20 then, Britt and I were 18/19.

That's the kind of personality she hass.
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post #14 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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Is she riding your horse or her own? If shes riding your horse I would tell her to say 'bye-bye' because if I were to go on a 4-5 hour trail ride, my horse would have as much water as she wants, especially when you're doing about 45 mins total of trotting/cantering. Even if this is your cousin's horse I would tell her what shes really doing.

As for the incident with the highway. Well first, what kind of highway are you talking about? A really big, busy, highway where people are going 70mph? If so it may be safer for you and the cars if you wouldn't take the highway. But if not I would still not take it. If it really bothers you, and puts you in danger, don't ride with her or get very firm with her.
She's riding her horse. I did tell her that she was possibly putting her horse at risk by not letting him drink, but I only mentioned it towards the end of the ride, because if I had said it any earlier, I know I would have said something I'd regret later.

The highway, well, it's really considered a highway, but it doesn't get a whole lot of traffic on it, and everyone slows down and gets on the other side of the road when they see horseback-rider's. What really bugged me was the fact that she kept riding in the middle of the road, even when I told her repeatedly not to. She's ridden on the highway with me several times before and this was the first time she'd ever ridden down the middle of it.

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Simple fix. SAY something! All this being aloud to be an idiot is like rewarding a horse for biting. Grow a pair for BOTH of your safety.
Fwiw to other posters seeing my above comment, I know Britt and her cousin personally. I'm aloud to be blunt. Lolz
Yes, you're allowed to be blunt, lol. :) I did mention her lack of watering her horse near the end of the ride, too... predictably, she got upset and didn't speak much to me the rest of the day.

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You are ALLOWED to be as blunt as you want with then when you see them ? Of course , here , folks are allowed to be direct , even a bit blunt , as long as its not rude or just plain mean.

Why can you and she not get off the horses, lead them o the water and let them drink? 5 hours riding and you never get off to give them a break?
My own butt old need a break and my horses back would appreciate a break, too. No matter how good your saddle fits, giving your horse a short rest unmountrd will help the blood supply to the muscles underplaying the saddle tree.
:)

I can and do get off and give my mare breaks. Five hours is a lot, even for me nowadays. She has trouble getting on and off her horse due to lack of upper body strength. I'm not making excuses for her, because I know she could easily do exercises and stuff to help learn how to mount and dismount, but she won't. The only way she'll get off her horse is if there's a truck or something nearby that she can use to get on the horse.

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It sounds like she's scared of the horse. She gets defensive about not letting him drink because she probably feels bad and is afraid but won't admit it. If the horse she's riding is so kid broke, she should not have trouble getting back on him after dismounting.
I actually think she is scared of her horse a bit. Her horse isn't the reason she has trouble mounting/dismounting, though, as I've already explained.

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I knew I spelled that wrong. :p lol.
I was kidding with that, didnt think I wad being rude. And I am the same with them in person. But I don't usually ride with the cousin for this reason. It's quite annoying to have to babysit this girl and cater to her needs. Britt has more patience than I do.

But I agree with getting off. The problem is really that this girl is....... There's no good way for me to put it, but she has a mental disability... sort of... It's hard to get her to understand basic common sense things without her getting upset and running to her parents and "tattling".

Trust me. It's happened before with me.
No problem. I don't mind your bluntness. I agree, too, it can get annoying 'babysitting', but most of the time, I don't mind it.

And everyone who is getting defensive about TheNinja mentioning my cousin's 'disability', I will second it. She does have some sort of disability, and it does affect her common sense a bit, but for the most part, she's fine, if a little slow on the uptake on some things and she doesn't really have the sense to know that there are some things you do not talk about in public, etc... but otherwise, she's friendly, funny, and fairly 'normal'. The best way to explain it is that she acts like she's eleven or twelve years old at times, but also, at times, she can act her age perfectly.

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And she's riding alongside a HIGHWAY ? Egads!
Yeah, her parents trust me, and before you ask, yes, they know exactly where we ride and she is allowed to ride anywhere I go... on the highway, in the mountains, etc... Also, when we do get on the highway, it is usually only for about ten minutes, just long enough to get from one back-road to another back-road.

Quote:
As for the other thing, tell her it bothers you when she leaves you! And if she won't change, then don't trail ride with her. Trail rides are supposed to be fun.. not frustrating.
I plan on letting her know that it bothers me, though she only ever goes off and leaves when I'm riding my mare. If I had been on my gelding, or if our other cousins had been with us, she wouldn't have left at all. i think she thinks it's ok when it's just us and I'm on my mare, because she knows my mare won't freak out.

Quote:
She is terrified of this horse for no reason. Either that, or she has some type of complex. The horse is supposedly "wild" and "crazy", but was a kids horse (taught Britt and I to ride when we first started back in 02), and is NOT wild at all.

She doesn't really know what she's doing, but you can't tell her anything or she gets definsive. Like Britt said about the "I wanna go home" stuff is what happens if you correct, or even try to suggest anythng to her. You can all think I'm mean or talking badly of her, but I'm not.

For example, she once threatened, and started to, kick a foal (under 3 months old) she had in the stomach for not standing still when it was tied. When I not so nicely told her if she did that, there would be problems, she stormed home and told her dad, who then came up and cussed me and threatened to "whip me" for bullying his daughter.
She was 20 then, Britt and I were 18/19.

That's the kind of personality she hass.
Exactly. Her horse is in his mid-twenties, a perfect gentleman, never bucked, bolted, etc... He's the horse that taught both myself and TheNinja how to ride and put up with all our crap from when we were young and dumb. He is kid-broke, deadhead, etc...

I also agree that she doesn't really even know that she's doing these things. The example with the foal, I think she really didn't know how to handle the situation, therefore went to kick it because she'd seen me kick at my gelding as a weanling (for being food aggressive, I was running my gelding away from his feed, not actively trying to hurt him) and she didn't understand what I was doing of something, and took my actions from back then and tried to replace them into her actions for teaching her foal to stand still... I dunno if that made sense...

But yeah, she went home and told her dad that TheNinja had had some words with her, and he did come up and threaten to whip her for bullying.

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (22 y/o TWH mare), Dakota (10 y/o TWH gelding), Codie (18 y/o Walkaloosa gelding) & Harlow (9 y/o APHA mare)
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post #15 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 07:27 PM
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So, why ride with this girl? Or keep rides short and away from roads. For what it is worth, I think it is in poor taste (maybe its youth) to come online, call someone fat, afraid and mentally handicapped when they can't defend themselves or even be aware that these rather mean things are being said. It may all be true; however, it might be laundry that should be aired on a private forum.
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post #16 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 07:49 PM
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Its about communication.

To me, if someone who was obviously the more confident rider said they were going off the path for a bit, I might not realise they wanted me to wait, and go on without them. On the same note, if someone wanted to stop, talking to family/friends, I'd probably be a little annoyed at that, and go on riding on my own.

If you're going to have stops etc along the way, then talk about it before hand so you both agree on what you want to do.

As it's not your horse you can't really make her water it, but I'd probably organise shorter rides in the future.

When people are afraid of horses it doesn't matter if it's the most quiet horse, or that they've never had anything bad happen. They're afraid and their responses are going to be a reflection of that. Perhaps you can encourage her to take lessons, or do some arena/control work to help build her confidence?

I think if you try to communicate and she consistently does not respect or respond well then I'd consider stopping your riding relationship.
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post #17 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 08:01 PM Thread Starter
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So, why ride with this girl? Or keep rides short and away from roads. For what it is worth, I think it is in poor taste (maybe its youth) to come online, call someone fat, afraid and mentally handicapped when they can't defend themselves or even be aware that these rather mean things are being said. It may all be true; however, it might be laundry that should be aired on a private forum.
Everyone has different views of what's "mean". Nothing bad has been said about my cousin. We (TheNinja and myself) have both explained (rather nicely, too, in my opinion) some of the problems with my cousin that could possibly account for some of her actions (but not not giving the horse water... there's nothing that could make an excuse for that). We haven't said anything negative about her. What has been stated is the truth. Yes, my cousin does have a slight weight problem. She's not shy about it and has been working to lose weight and she herself will tell you that with a smile.

We've explained her mental disability well, I think, with no blatant negativity about the way she is. It's just the way she is and it's not like she's severely handicapped and in no way whatsoever are we 'poking fun' at her.

And as for us discussing the possibility of her being afraid, this is a forum. It's a place of discussion, opinions, and for people to post problems they've been having, etc... and get feedback.

Also, as far as I've read, the only person who has come on here and blatantly called my cousin 'fat' on here, has been you. TheNinja and I have mentioned that she is a bigger rider, but that was just in conjunction with trying to explain why she has trouble getting on and off her horse.

As for why I ride with her... simple, she's my family and the only way she ever gets to ride is if she goes out riding with me. We grew up very close to each other (literally just down the road and we've been friends since we were little kids as well). I see her as a sister and she see's me as a sister as well, and I do enjoy hanging out with her, just some things have been bugging me lately and I felt it would be better to vent my frustrations out here, rather than let it boil up to the point that I said something negative to her.
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Last edited by Britt; 09-06-2013 at 08:09 PM.
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post #18 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 08:09 PM Thread Starter
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Its about communication.

To me, if someone who was obviously the more confident rider said they were going off the path for a bit, I might not realise they wanted me to wait, and go on without them. On the same note, if someone wanted to stop, talking to family/friends, I'd probably be a little annoyed at that, and go on riding on my own.

If you're going to have stops etc along the way, then talk about it before hand so you both agree on what you want to do.

As it's not your horse you can't really make her water it, but I'd probably organise shorter rides in the future.

When people are afraid of horses it doesn't matter if it's the most quiet horse, or that they've never had anything bad happen. They're afraid and their responses are going to be a reflection of that. Perhaps you can encourage her to take lessons, or do some arena/control work to help build her confidence?

I think if you try to communicate and she consistently does not respect or respond well then I'd consider stopping your riding relationship.
I get that. When we ride, we always stop and I give pony-rides, or just stop and talk to people for a bit. It's like an unspoken rule with us that we will be stopping and chatting with people. That's never really been an issue between us, because she likes to stop and talk as much as I do, and she knows that I won't ask her to get off and give ponyrides, because I see that more as 'my thing' and I feel like I could handle a situation better if one arose while leading the horses with a child on the saddle.

She has fallen a few times... back when she first got the horse, we rode together and he was walking and just tripped, stepped on a rock and it rolled out from under his hoof... and she fell off and was just fine at first, but then, later, she refused to ride and made up this huge story about how he'd taken off bucking with her and she fell out of the saddle and he ran all over her and knocked her unconscious and kicked her in the head... She didn't ride for over two years after that...

She also fell just a little over a year ago, when her gelding jumped over a small mudpuddle and she lost her balance. She didn't ride for about six months after that, and just a few weeks ago she claimed that her gelding spooked at a truck that went past his pasture and ran her over, knocked her into the tractor, and stepped all over her... Her horse isn't a spooky horse at all, either...


I think doing some work to help build her confidence would be a good idea, but I'm not sure if she'd be agreeable to it...

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (22 y/o TWH mare), Dakota (10 y/o TWH gelding), Codie (18 y/o Walkaloosa gelding) & Harlow (9 y/o APHA mare)
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post #19 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 08:52 PM
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I can see your point Britt but wouldn't it be far nicer talk to her before you start saying something negative to her or about her to a bunch of strangers?
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post #20 of 27 Old 09-06-2013, 10:26 PM Thread Starter
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The thing is, by posting this 'rant' on here, I did it mainly so I wouldn't say something blatantly negative to her next time we talk. I'm the type of person who keeps thinking on things that have frustrated me and I know I tend to blow things out of proportion and invite anger and frustration in people. She's a person that I don't want to anger like that, because I don't want to ruin over two decades of family/friendship. I'd rather rant my frustrations out instead of possibly say something completely cruel, without meaning to, to her just because I'm 'frustrated'...

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (22 y/o TWH mare), Dakota (10 y/o TWH gelding), Codie (18 y/o Walkaloosa gelding) & Harlow (9 y/o APHA mare)
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