Is it rude to make an offer, then back out if you find something better? - Page 6 - The Horse Forum
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post #51 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 02:22 PM
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As a seller, I do not consider a horse sold till the money is cleared in my account and the horse has been moved. Buyers back out, that's just a fact of the business.
I'd be more upset if a person bought a horse from me then re-sold it right away to get something else, rather than being upfront about wanting a different horse. Now having said that, it still wouldn't matter how I felt as the horse would not be mine to be upset about.
OP, do what you want. Some people would find it rude but so what? You can't please everyone and nobody is on the lookout for you except you.
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post #52 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 02:26 PM
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I'd rather a buyer flake BEFORE the sale than after, and then demand their money back. Besides, as a seller I'd rather my horse go to someone who really wants him/her.

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post #53 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 02:29 PM
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Exactly, JDI and SR. As a seller I wouldn't want my horse to go to someone who wasn't 110% sure they wanted the horse in the first place, because if they DO decide they don't want the horse and go to sell it, then I have no control over where it goes. I would rather reduce the chances of my horse falling into the wrong hands by getting it to the right home the first time. There was no contract, no money changed hands, OP didn't do anything 'shady', I think it's silly to get so up in arms...
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post #54 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 02:36 PM
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I think maybe I'll come back in here for a moment. I made the comment about a verbal contract (prefacing it with not knowing its legitimacy under US law). It was just a thought at the time of what can go wrong if the OP backs out.

At this point I should like to add, as my general observation on horseownership, that it is not unusual to find a more interesting looking or suitable mount after you've made your pick and even had it at home for awhile. I know its happened to me and I think to myself "gee if only I'd waited a couple of weeks before buying "X" and then I next think if I did that I would never end up with a horse as I'm always looking for something that probably doesn't exist in reality (only my mind). With this, I am not saying the OP should get the mare if she has decided against it but rather that there's likely always going to be a better horse out there that you want and such is life.
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post #55 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 03:10 PM
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I'd rather a buyer flake BEFORE the sale than after, and then demand their money back. Besides, as a seller I'd rather my horse go to someone who really wants him/her.
I agree, while I don't understand why someone would verbally commit to something they were not 100% sure about and then change their mind, I would rather they do it before then after.

I am so not a mare person, so how come I have mares now? Because I have found that the right mare is worth her weight in gold. I have a mare who is English broke, who is going out to be re started Western, just because a horse rides well in one discipline, doesn't mean it can't do anything else.
If a horse being a mare was a big deciding factor, why would you look at mares? If you did look at a mare, and decided she was "worth her weight in gold", why would you change your mind as soon as a gelding came up?

Because unless you keep an open mind and try a lot of horses how do you know what will fit?
If you wanted an English horse that was already trained in English, why would you go look at horses that were only trained western? Its a different thing entirely if you don't mind retraining, but in this case it sounds like the OP was really wanting a gelding that was trained English/western, settled on the mare, then changed her mind as soon as the horse they were actually looking for came up. if you wanted a trail horse, would you go try some dressage horses that had never been out of the arena? if you wanted a dressage horse would you go try some competing in western pleasure? You try out horses that work for your goals. If English training was a deal breaker, OP should not have been looking at an exclusively western trained horse.

For those who say its like buying a car, first off, unlike car salesman, most of whom get an hourly wage and commission, the hours you take from a private seller are only paid for by the sale of the item. if you take up 8 hours of the sellers time in multiple visits, then decide you don't want the horse, you have just wasted 8 hours of some ones time. People rarely make multiple visits to car dealerships, to test drive the vehicle multiple times, for hours each visit. Additionally, I don't know anyone who walks into a dealership, says "I'll take the red Ford", then walks out, goes to another dealership and picks up a different car. Maybe I just don't know enough people?

I go horse shopping for a horse with qualities I need, find one I like that is sound, then I buy it. I did the same thing with my car.

So I guess to summarize, Yes, it is rude.
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post #56 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 04:11 PM
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I think people are getting too hung up on connecting detached ideas: it can be both rude, and ok to not go through with he deal. It can be rude, and still decidedly better not to get the horse you aren't set on.
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post #57 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 04:41 PM
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I have a friend that was in a similar situation, but from the other point of view. She was selling a horse, and it was a "done deal" with an accepted offer. Over the weekend she changed her mind and decided to keep the horse. Was it rude? I think so. However, she has been working with and showing this horse since, and is so happy that she didn't sell him. Yes, it may have been rude and in poor form. It was the right decision though.
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post #58 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 05:33 PM
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I haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to add some perspective from an interesting angle. When I first inquired into buying my mare, the owner said she was already spoken for. I was devastated, but replied to the email and said if anything came up, please let me know. Lo and behold, within two days, the lady on the other end of the deal had gone from doing a trade that Sunday, to maybe buying her Saturday, to not really wanting to go through, and because of all that, I was able to buy the horse. So, in my case, someone backing out of a previous deal was a very good thing :)

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. CS Lewis
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post #59 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 05:43 PM
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Yes, I see that as rude. I've had that situation happen to me (not with a horse) - I tell one person oh sure, I'll hold it for you. Turn down better offers. Then before the sale, they back out. was I angry? Much so.

I also think that, if you think you would be unhappy, you might just have to risk being rude and making her unhappy. Just, do it as soon as possible so she can accept offers that might come her way. A horse is a MAJOR purchase and it's not air for you or the horse to buy her and then resent her because you'd wanted the other one.
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post #60 of 78 Old 06-25-2013, 05:48 PM
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I didn't read all the posts, but sellers around here generally require a non refundable deposit to "hold" a horse to discourage folks just backing out.
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