Should I quit?? - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dbarabians View Post
OK everyone we are talking to a 13 year old here.
No need to call her names or insist she is ungrateful.
SHE IS 13. She doesnt know what she wants and that is completely normal.
We have all had periods in our lives when we were not sure about our future even if we were happy doing the thing we supposedly loved.
OP get more involved in your schools activities and branch out. Spending all your time at a barn probably does get boring.
There is no need to throw all that experience out the door. Just step back and relax. Enjoy your teenage years. Ride at your own pace. For fun. Shalom
Ungrateful is not a name. It's a negative attitude towards something.. and age should not matter. Any child at any age should not be ungrateful for things that they have.

As this is a forum for discussion I pointed out that she had an ungrateful attitude, not that wanting to give up horses was her being ungrateful (that is quite ludicrous since everyone has different thoughts and passions)

I honestly wish her the best on finding what makes her happy, but I wish she'd change her attitude about things (not her mind, her attitude.. her approach)

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #32 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel View Post
The fact that she is ungrateful for what she has at that point in time is what bothers me. It doesn't matter if she doesn't want to do it anymore.. that's HER decision. Her attitude is what bothers me.

I did not mention anything on the lines of "you bought all this stuff for this... Why are you MOPING about it? You should consider yourself LUCKY that you have all of this stuff, stop being so down" so I'm not sure why you're saying that? I wasn't implying that at all.

It's fine to take a break or quit. But having something and moping about it is not good.
You took my post completely wrong. That's your mistake, not mine.

~~

Also I should mention in my original post I was not being condescending, but I did get heated when she said "If you were in my situation you may feel the same way" which was my mistake. That was my own vent and I apologize about that.
I guess it sounded that way to me. You mentioned her having all of the stuff ("Your post is making me upset. You have a horse... and your own jumps... and your own place to ride... AND an instructor that makes time for you"), that she should consider herself lucky ("Maybe you should consider just how lucky you are before you get all down and stuff"), that you would be "over the moon" in her situation, and then told her to stop moping ("Stop thinking "poor me").

If I misunderstood that, then that's my bad, but it seemed to be a pretty clear message, at least
worded like that.

ETA: Your last post, "I honestly wish her the best on finding what makes her happy, but I wish she'd change her attitude about things (not her mind, her attitude.. her approach)" - How SHOULD she approach it? Genuinely, here, not being a snot. If she's starting to be unhappy and wanting to move forward, of course she's going to seem to have a negative attitude... But, negative attitude doesn't always equal ungrateful. She can be very grateful for all she has, and resent it because she feels like she's in a tight spot and doesn't know what to do.

Last edited by Shoebox; 05-16-2013 at 11:28 PM.
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post #33 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:30 PM
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I hugely agree with Isuel. I didn't see her complaining about having just a coach, but was comparing it to having a whole team, and about how she would like to be able to do something with a whole team cheering her on. Not necessarily ungrateful but wanting to be doing something more. Team sports is a big thing in middle/high school.
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post #34 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel View Post
Ungrateful is not a name. It's a negative attitude towards something.. and age should not matter. Any child at any age should not be ungrateful for things that they have.

As this is a forum for discussion I pointed out that she had an ungrateful attitude, not that wanting to give up horses was her being ungrateful (that is quite ludicrous since everyone has different thoughts and passions)

I honestly wish her the best on finding what makes her happy, but I wish she'd change her attitude about things (not her mind, her attitude.. her approach)
Ungrateful and a negative attitude are not one in the same. Negative attitude is not WANTING something. Ungrateful is complaining that what you HAVE isn't good enough.

I'm still not understanding how it came off as ungrateful.

You compared a 13yr old to your current self..How much older than her are you? She's still a kid, you're not.

Comparing a coach that tells her what to do and a team that would cheer her on is NOT ungrateful, I'm assuming you missed that part of her post. I wish I had someone to cheer me on and give me praise when I have something big happen with my horse..but I don't have a team, and maybe she doesn't either. My mum couldn't give a rat's *** about my horse and recently told me, "You need to sell that thing, it's costing you too much money getting hurt all the time"..I get put down for having a horse, atleast she's NOT trying to mope about like I do sometimes. I get put down for my horse still being skinny, hurting herself, not being perfect, etc..and it upsets me to no end, but I won't get rid of her to make someone else happy, I just tell them to shut up and walk away (my mother too, because she knows it upsets me and still does it). The difference between me and OP is that I'm old enough to spend my own money to keep my horse, OP's parents (I assume) pay for hers.

Point being..I don't think everyone read the entire OP more than glancing over it.
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post #35 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:34 PM
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Wow. Are all y'all on the same cycle as my wife? If so I'm gonna go hide now! Mare magic isle 6.


To the OP, if you think you've done what you want to with horses, feel free to try other things. You seem kinda set that you're done. Find what your real passion is and give it heck.
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post #36 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:34 PM
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I took a break from horses for awhile. It wasn't really boredom, more making excuses based on issues that may or may not have REALLY stopped me from riding, but I totally get it. I was wanting to spend more time with my friends and using excuses to not schedule lessons so I could ride.

Fast forward to me getting back into the saddle: My horse is still green as well, and while he has good, potentially great breeding, he doesn't have awesome breeding or a foundation put on him by a big-shot trainer. It can be really frustrating when they regress or plateau, and you can't really seem to get anywhere, trainer or not. I love him to death. He is my baby whether we show or not, but if we can't I may get a second horse for that when I can afford to and just use Sock for trails. I honestly hope that I can do well at local shows with him, and I know he loves his job and when he shows that he loves it too, he truly excels. He probably just gets frustrated with ME not asking him right or in a way that he understands, even though I'm pretty much the only person who's ridden him since I got him.

Main point, do whatever activities you want to do, and nobody should judge you for it or call you ungrateful. Maybe some people are less fortunate than you, but that doesn't mean you have to keep riding if you aren't enjoying it. I have arthritis that started at the age of 16 and then really blew up at 18. Though it's generally under control, it gets so bad sometimes that I can't even walk. Do I hate everyone who is normally healthy because of it? Not a chance! They have issues of their own, so who am I to say? Be true to yourself and do what makes you happy. It doesn't matter who understands it.
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post #37 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:39 PM
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skyseternalangel. a thirteen year old or any child probably does not realize how much they are blessed with. I for one did not.
Your post reeks of jealousy and I as a parent find it disturbing that an adult finds it necessary to put a child in their place. Especially when all she asked for was advice.
Your struggle to receive an education and maintain a horse at the same time in another country is commendable. That doesnt mean everyone must undergo such hardships or that those who live in comfort are ungrateful.
I do not find you to be a mean person. You have good advice. This time however you sound like a bully.
However since you are 19 remember talking to an mature adult in a certain manner may be acceptable. A 13 YO is another story. Shalom
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post #38 of 58 Old 05-16-2013, 11:48 PM
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One more point I was thinking about before I hit the sack for work at 5.30am..

If you don't enjoy something, you won't progress at all, you may even get worse. That talent you have, OP, might not shine through if you continue riding but don't enjoy it.

I know when I'm having a bad ride, I look visibly miserable and my horse acts up much worse. When I get angry with her now, I do something simple like walking and stopping on lead and throw her back in the pasture before we get into another fight.

If it isn't enjoyable anymore, then it is time to take a break. Horses aren't endangered, they'll still be here your whole life if you want to get back into them. That natural talent will come back and shine through as soon as it's enjoyable again, I've seen and felt it happen.
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post #39 of 58 Old 05-17-2013, 12:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoebox View Post
I guess it sounded that way to me. You mentioned her having all of the stuff ("Your post is making me upset. You have a horse... and your own jumps... and your own place to ride... AND an instructor that makes time for you"), that she should consider herself lucky ("Maybe you should consider just how lucky you are before you get all down and stuff"), that you would be "over the moon" in her situation, and then told her to stop moping ("Stop thinking "poor me").

If I misunderstood that, then that's my bad, but it seemed to be a pretty clear message, at least
worded like that.

ETA: Your last post, "I honestly wish her the best on finding what makes her happy, but I wish she'd change her attitude about things (not her mind, her attitude.. her approach)" - How SHOULD she approach it? Genuinely, here, not being a snot. If she's starting to be unhappy and wanting to move forward, of course she's going to seem to have a negative attitude... But, negative attitude doesn't always equal ungrateful. She can be very grateful for all she has, and resent it because she feels like she's in a tight spot and doesn't know what to do.
~~

That over the moon part I already apologized for since I got a bit heated there.

~~

Since you're asking me, I think the best way to approach it would be to be thankful for all that she has been given

That she has a horse of her own, that her coach makes time to teach her, that her parents (or whomever) have paid for her horse, that she was able to be a working student, that she's able to have a green horse to train her way, that she has access to the riding facilities.

And once she has done that, she can think about what she wants to do now that would continue to make her happy. She could have a talk with her parents and talk about some options that would make her happier.


Quote:
Originally Posted by dbarabians View Post
skyseternalangel. a thirteen year old or any child probably does not realize how much they are blessed with. I for one did not.
Your post reeks of jealousy and I as a parent find it disturbing that an adult finds it necessary to put a child in their place. Especially when all she asked for was advice.
Your struggle to receive an education and maintain a horse at the same time in another country is commendable. That doesnt mean everyone must undergo such hardships or that those who live in comfort are ungrateful.
I do not find you to be a mean person. You have good advice. This time however you sound like a bully.
However since you are 19 remember talking to an mature adult in a certain manner may be acceptable. A 13 YO is another story. Shalom
No I'm not jealous.. I am making my situation work. I'm grateful for being here in New Zealand and having access to this mare, I just miss my horse. I already apologized 3 times for that post. That was me being heated. I informed her of my situation but I did so in a silly way.

This thread isn't about my situation, nor am I struggling....please do not assume..... I was merely telling her my situation, NOT comparing myself to her.

I should have ignored her comment and not responded. A mod can remove that post if needed. I know for the next time.

But I agree about not knowing how blessed they are, that was my entire point. I hope in future the OP realizes that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iseul View Post
Ungrateful and a negative attitude are not one in the same. Negative attitude is not WANTING something. Ungrateful is complaining that what you HAVE isn't good enough.

I'm still not understanding how it came off as ungrateful.

You compared a 13yr old to your current self..How much older than her are you? She's still a kid, you're not.

Comparing a coach that tells her what to do and a team that would cheer her on is NOT ungrateful, I'm assuming you missed that part of her post. I wish I had someone to cheer me on and give me praise when I have something big happen with my horse..but I don't have a team, and maybe she doesn't either. My mum couldn't give a rat's *** about my horse and recently told me, "You need to sell that thing, it's costing you too much money getting hurt all the time"..I get put down for having a horse, atleast she's NOT trying to mope about like I do sometimes. I get put down for my horse still being skinny, hurting herself, not being perfect, etc..and it upsets me to no end, but I won't get rid of her to make someone else happy, I just tell them to shut up and walk away (my mother too, because she knows it upsets me and still does it). The difference between me and OP is that I'm old enough to spend my own money to keep my horse, OP's parents (I assume) pay for hers.

Point being..I don't think everyone read the entire OP more than glancing over it.
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I'm only responding to the parts in bold..

I didn't reply to her OP because I found fault in only the post that I quoted.. hence quoting it...

And to me a negative attitude is very much on line with being ungrateful. Negativity to me is focusing on the bad thoughts, things you don't have, not feeling blessed, etc.

~~

I've already said a few times what I feel, and I've expressed it. I don't have access to the forum at home but I hope that the OP figures this out.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #40 of 58 Old 05-17-2013, 12:08 AM
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Skyseternalangel, your last post was very hounorable and mature.
I have no problems with you.
Thanks for clarifying your post. My best wishes to you. Shalom Donald
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