Such thing as too late? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 03-11-2010, 06:59 PM Thread Starter
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Smile Such thing as too late?

Hi guys!

I just wanted to get your opinion out of curiosity. When you are riding, and you get frustrated and start to take action the wrong way, do you ever get a feeling almost like you already got mad so there is no reason to calm back down?

I almost feel like once I get mad I already screwed up bad enough and there is no way to fix our ride, and there is no point. Weird.

Another question: Just in general, do you guys ever feel like once you started training your horse a certain way, there is no changing it. Let's look at something as different as going from someone who beats the tar
out of their horse, and then wants to switch to natural horsemanship (pfft, big change of heart for that person, but a good one ).

Or if you and your horse have been having a hard time with your bonding, and you feel like it's messed up, but you focus on getting it back up to mark.

Do you guys feel like it's ever too late to change something you feel needs to be changed?

*By the way, none of these problems are mine (except the first thing), I'm merely just looking for your view on a topic like this. Just curious =]

Thanks!
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post #2 of 12 Old 03-11-2010, 07:17 PM
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If you are so angry that you can't calm down, I would rather get off my horse and walk away . Give the reins to a friend or put on a halter and hand graze the horse for awhile just to give both of you a break. When you have calmed down , go back to something that you know and your horse knows really well. Could be just walking around the ring or a short trail ride and end on something positive. That is JMO , others may have other suggestions what works for them.

To the second part : I don't think it is ever too late to change how you are with horses when it is for the better. While it is true horses never seem to forget , they often forgive, by this I mean most want to please.

Like I said , this is JMO ...and has been my experience. Others may have a complete other out look on this.

Horses and children, I often think, have a lot of the good sense there is in the world.
Josephine Demott Robinson
Feed, muck, groom, ride. Repeat daily!
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post #3 of 12 Old 03-11-2010, 07:34 PM
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I got a call one evening while I was riding my previous horse in the riding ring. We were just walking around...nothing major or stressful. The person on the phone made me so mad that I was seeing red. Before I could even start thinking about taking it out on Ty, I jumped off, walked him around on a lead, and proceeded to *not so nicely* tell the guy where he could go and where he could put the thing we were talking about. I sat on the ground, let Ty graze around me. Then when I was cooled down, we resumed our ride. I know he could pick up on my tension and anger, but while grazing, he really didn't act as though he was concerned. Riding him at a nice slow pace actually put me in a much better, more relaxed mood.

When I'm angry or upset over something, I go to the barn. It seems to be the only peaceful place in my life right now that's not 300 or more miles away. I spend the time with Rosie, and for a while, everything is right in my little world.
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post #4 of 12 Old 03-11-2010, 07:38 PM
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I agree with RadHenry and charlicata.

I had a similar issue with getting so mad that I can't think straight sometimes. Lacey's been really good for me in that respect because I can't get that mad with her (even when she pushes me that far), if I do she starts freaking out and she doesn't back down so I absolutely have to get myself under control to do anything with her. What works really well for me is a kind of meditation, in a sense, I don't think it really is "meditation" in the real sense of the word but it has the same effect. I remind myself that it's not about me, it's all about the partnership with the horse and I can't have that if I'm mad. I push all my emotions down and out my legs, sigh, roll my shoulders to let my stiff tension out (I get really tense when I'm scared or angry) and remove EVERYTHING from my mind. I focus my mind on feeling the horse and not whatever I'm experiencing inside. This has helped me SO much with my riding. I taught myself to do this and I can't begin to explain how much it's helped me. The out loud sighing is a big part of it for me, taking a big breath and letting it go...not sure how exactly that helps but it does. I've actually started doing this second nature in real life when I'm having a confrontation with someone else. It's really helped me.

For the second part - Like RadHenry said, horses have an amazing capacity to forgive. I would not hesitate to start over, and change how you are around horses. They will feel the difference and they don't hold grudges!

Lacey was basically mentally abused (I dislike the term "abused" but there really isn't a term that conveys the full picture of what happened to her other than abused) for the first 23 years of her life. And yeah, it's taken her a year of consistent love to get mostly over it all, but a year compared to 23 of mistreatment? I expected it to take WAY longer! Haha
Horses are amazingly resilient. After seeing how Lacey's come around, I really don't think anything is impossible.

Hopefully this helped you some and I'm not just randomly running my mouth. Heehee

Fabio - 13 year old Arabian/Lipizzan gelding

~
Rest peacefully, Lacey.
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post #5 of 12 Old 03-11-2010, 07:55 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for all of your opinion guys! Wallaby - your way of calming down is GREAT and I think it would work out well for us =]

On the other things, we all seem to have the same opinion! I've always wondered about how others portray things like that.

***Another thing I forgot to mention, do you guys think that EVERY ride no matter how bad or good is beneficial?
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post #6 of 12 Old 03-11-2010, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamrideredc View Post
Thanks for all of your opinion guys! Wallaby - your way of calming down is GREAT and I think it would work out well for us =]

On the other things, we all seem to have the same opinion! I've always wondered about how others portray things like that.

***Another thing I forgot to mention, do you guys think that EVERY ride no matter how bad or good is beneficial?
For the last question, yes. Every time you ride, you're learning or discovering something new that you probably didn't see before. i learn something every time i ride, even if it's just a little thing. JMO, though.


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post #7 of 12 Old 03-12-2010, 05:36 PM Thread Starter
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My opinion, too!
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post #8 of 12 Old 03-12-2010, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamrideredc View Post
I almost feel like once I get mad I already screwed up bad enough and there is no way to fix our ride, and there is no point.
Thanks!
Rather than thinking of it as a ruined ride, because you got mad and messed up, think of it as a ruined moment, minute, five minutes (however long you stayed mad and were rough on your horse) and then work on making the rest of the ride better. If you ride for an hour, and get mad and rough for five minutes, that leaves 55 minutes to have a good ride. Sure you want to eliminate the times you get mad and rough, but there's no reason to keep messing up over and over when you have a new chance each moment to calm down and get it right.

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All horse people are crazy, but some of us are higher functioning than others.
http://crazychicknlady.livejournal.com/
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post #9 of 12 Old 03-12-2010, 06:52 PM
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IMO, every ride is beneficial. Even if it isn't a particularly good ride, both you and your horse got some exercise.
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post #10 of 12 Old 03-12-2010, 11:32 PM
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I agree with others, just get off, I used to get made at my first horse, but I learned how bad that was for him and I figured out a way to calm myself Down. I never carry my phone when I ride, and if I have learned to just laugh it off when we make a mistake, afterall, it's my fault, never the horses. :) even though I would love to blame the horse sometimes ;)
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