I sold my horse today. I keep telling myself it's what was best for him.
I never thought my heart would feel ripped in two.
All of this for some stupid truck.
All because I had to be stupid and hit someone, I lost my boy.
He really was special to me. My hero really.
I know he's going to a good home. They were prepared to bring him home. I saw the trailer and I knew it was the end. The end of our story together, but not the end to it all.
One of these days, when I can afford it better, I'll have another.
I gave him the usual pat on the shoulder and the scratch on the forehead, nothing more. I knew if I lingered, I'd break my false calm. I'd lose it, crying to them, "Take the money! Just let me keep my baby!"
I love him far too much to hinder his well-being though. He deserves so much more than what I can selfishly provide. I'm just going to miss him. I still cannot believe I watched that trailer pull away without a struggle. I cried a few tears and went to work. Cleaned my stall out, took what little was left of my other belongings and sent them aside. I even took the stall card out. I looked it over a while. It read "Horse owner: Reann Phillips".
Not anymore. I'm still looking at the card, the ink is now running from my tears.
I'm typing and I can barely see the keyboard.
My heart is literally breaking. I don't want to feel this new found pain. It aches, almost burns.
Why didn't I feel like this when I sold my first horse? Does this pain mean I choose wrong? I don't know, I fear I've made a terrible mistake.
I'm going to check up on Apollo and his new family in a few days. I dare not call them, I probably wouldn't be able to speak.
Someone, tell me I'm dreaming. Wake me up, shake me from this nightmare.
Please?
Keep that card. Right now it is a sad thing, but let it be inspiration to work hard to be in a place where you can be "Horse owner: Reann Phillips" again.
My grandma always says, "This too shall pass." I bet you'll feel at least a little better when you visit him and see that he's in a good home. And who knows? Lives change. Maybe he'll end up with you again someday.
I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, except that I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. (hugs)
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