Riding Instructors and Yelling/Insults? - Page 9 - The Horse Forum
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post #81 of 89 Old 12-25-2013, 06:22 PM
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Like Tessa, most (but not all) of my students are children and I certainly don't treat them the instructors you describe. I will raise my voice when I see a potential incident starting to happen and the kid needs to correct it immediately but I don't really understand why anyone would pay to be abused. When you take the fun out of horses, what's the point?!
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post #82 of 89 Old 12-25-2013, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Ashsunnyeventer View Post
I could handle the yelling because, whether i like to admit it or not, this lady knew what she was talking about, she just didn't know how to communicate it correctly.
The art of being able to do that is called tact. It's lost on many people.

You can get a point across strongly, or even abruptly, but in a fashion that doesn't belittle, embarrass, or decimate the person on the other end of your words. Unfortunately for many, just yelling whatever drivel rolls off their tongue instead of spending 5 seconds thinking about what they are going to say (and coming up with a better way to say it first) is how they roll.

It makes for a crappy teacher. There's a difference between proactive coaching and getting your point across firmly yet politely, and just yelling profanity across the arena with little intent except to belittle someone into compliance.

If I were you I'd walk away from the facility in a heartbeat..and depending on how bad it was, email them a link to this thread a few weeks down the road so they can stop and think about their antics.

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post #83 of 89 Old 12-25-2013, 07:44 PM
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Teaching is a skill in itself, independent of the subject (e.g. riding), and many people that are excellent in their field make terrible teachers.
As to the teaching style, yelling/criticizing/belittling makes some students more motivated to try harder, but destroys the confidence of others causing them to give up. In my old sports days, coaches would say this is how you separate the "true" athletes from "recreational" ones, but I played with a number of excellent people that just didn't fit that method of coaching.
In my experience, I good teacher can tell which method(s) will work with a specific student/age/motivation/experience level, and uses the one(s) that will help teach, advance, and get the most of the student, which is the goal of the $$s you are paying.

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post #84 of 89 Old 12-29-2013, 10:33 PM
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That is nuts! I have been lucky so far and not heard anyone at any of the stables I have boarded ever be rude like this, and as a student, I certainly would not put up with it. I think these poor folks need to be given a few phone numbers of other instructors who will treat them with respect. That's definitely not a good learning environment.
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post #85 of 89 Old 01-14-2014, 08:01 PM
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Originally Posted by PrivatePilot View Post
There's a difference between proactive coaching and getting your point across firmly yet politely, and just yelling profanity across the arena with little intent except to belittle someone into compliance.

If I were you I'd walk away from the facility in a heartbeat..and depending on how bad it was, email them a link to this thread a few weeks down the road so they can stop and think about their antics.
It took me about a year and a half to realize that there was no reason to subject myself to her insults. I've been at a new barn for almost 2 years now and my new trainer is tough, but in a helpful, confidence building way. But now I've hit a road block with the new trainer too- she doesn't like my horse- not even that, actually, she just doesn't like thoroughbreds in general. She manages to keep most of her comments to herself, but if we hit a wall (like any horse in training eventually will) sometimes the judgemental comments come out.

I take the insults about my horse harder than insults about myself lol. I don't think we will be leaving this trainer any time soon, so we just work extra hard to prove that thoroughbreds are just as good, if not better than the horses she breeds :)

All of these experiences have been learning opportunities, though. Each barn we board at, I learn one more thing to look for to avoid if we have to move barns again (but hopefully, next time we move it will be to our own farm).

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post #86 of 89 Old 01-19-2014, 07:01 PM
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I think it depends on what kind of person and personality you get along with and can learn from. Me... I took dressage lessons years ago on a mare I had and my teacher yelled at me constantly and I was SO UPTIGHT I couldn't learn. I had the worst headache after each session.
I also don't do well with someone who won't give it to me straight and won't correct me. So for me, stern but nice does the trick. I have a trainer now who is nice but will tell me, "ok... you need to be firmer, you are out there coddling and he's ignoring you." When I first got with her, she set me up to SHOW me that I had no relationship with my horse. Because I didn't want to do ground work and she said it's IMPORTANT. I just wanted to "ride". She was a smart one. She took my horse into the round pen and worked him, got on him, he did really well with her. She told me, "come get on and move his body around." I did and I got NOTHING!!!! She then said, "now... if it were me, I would NOT want to be on this horse on the trail if I can't even move his body parts around!! Do you see now?" She wasn't mean about it but she had to prove it to me. And it really hit home. I kept complaining that my horse was not listening to me on the trail so he needed to be "trained." LOL!!!!! Oh he was trained - he was training me to listen to HIM.
I went to a clinic years ago and the trainer screamed at everyone the whole time. He was actually abusive to some guy who was a newbie. The newbie finally said, "I didn't pay all this money to be screamed at and humiliated." The trainer said, "there's the door then - I'm sure you can find it."
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post #87 of 89 Old 01-19-2014, 07:23 PM
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I posted on this thread a while back and gave my thoughts. Anyways, I was discussing this with my instructor. She said it is a matter of respect, the person she is instructing is paying her, if they are not paying attention or not doing what she is telling them, it's their loss, she will not reduce herself to yelling or insulting them, in her experience, it's not effective.

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post #88 of 89 Old 01-27-2014, 12:06 PM
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One of the best trainers I've ridden with was a militant cusser! Whew, the mouth on her was crazy and wow was she intense. Her bar was set extremely high and she expected nothing but 100% from me. She scared me to death at first but let me tell you, I learned more from her then I have anyone else. At the same time, she wasn't condescending and she wasn't rude, she was just very very intense and expected a lot. Where I am in my riding though I don't want to be coddled and when I ride with someone I'm not looking for compliments. But it is important to ride with someone you will learn from.
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post #89 of 89 Old 02-02-2014, 12:13 AM
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Some ppl are telented and can let things role off thier backs. I am not one of the talented.

I think belittling, berating or using foul language is not savy nor should it be tolerated. Being pushed (when nessesary), being firm and being direct using tact is better and more productive. You belittle me, use foul language, call me ill names and trash talk me is a good way for me to shut down, get off my horse and quite possibly deck you a good one. There is no need in it and can be VERY counterproductive. Its an Ego trip in my opinion. I NEVER would treat my students who pay me to teach them, not belittle them or make them feel less than (and that includes thier horses) and make them feel stupid or patronized. I dont like it done to me and will not condone it to others and do not practice this myself. Now I tell the truth, if you ask me a question i will answer it and sometimes bluntly. I dont candy coat or babify things and am pretty straight forward. I also expect 100% effort from mstudents and I expect my student to practice outside of lessons. If they dont I let them know. If my student is doing something wrong or is failing to do someting then I let them know promtly but with tact. If I see that a student is doing something repeatedly and is not listening to me I will be more forcefull about it and will have a tet et te' with them. However I will not resort to foul language or belittling practices. I will yell when nessesary esp if the rider is having problem hearing me or enforcing a specific command that needs to be done imediatly. I want to encourage my students to ask me questions, to explore ideas and to feel like they can achieve the goals we are shooting for. However I do not allow them to be to passive, lazy or argumentative and definatly not whiney. If one wants to learn I will teach them, if they do not then I will walk away for I have other things I can be doing with my time.
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