Feedback wanted on my (in)experience - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 16 Old 11-06-2016, 09:18 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
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I'm wondering how you aren't paying board anynmore. even though you think you were misled into agreeing to this purchase, you did still AGREE to a half. so , now, if I understand, you aren't paying your half anymore, but she's doing it all and on a low income and raising kids alone? I suppose you two agree on this, and to each his own, but to me , it seems way out of balance. sell the hrose then reimburse her out of the proceeds your half of the upkeep.
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tinyliny is offline  
post #12 of 16 Old 11-06-2016, 11:51 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
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Thank you all for the prompt and comprehensive feedback. While I'm not exactly in a position to make major decisions on the matter, I mainly just wanted to get some perspective from knowledgeable equestrian enthusiasts on this complex scenario.

Originally Posted by tinyliny View Post
I'm wondering how you aren't paying board anynmore. even though you think you were misled into agreeing to this purchase, you did still AGREE to a half.
Perhaps I didn't specify well enough. My ex-girlfriend purchased the mare and I simply paid half of the board every month we were together, not the purchase price. Therefore, she still owns the mare and is still paying board. My role at the moment is inactive as I'm temporarily living an hour away from the stables and haven't been out there in many weeks.

The suggestions that I sell the mare are therefore null because I don't own her. I cringe at the idea of suggesting to my ex-girlfriend that she sell the mare, whom I know she is very attached to. Sadly, she had two previous horses that she gave away only a year or so prior to buying this mare because they were boarded an hour's drive away and she couldn't properly tend to them. She didn't feel right selling them and instead relinquished them to a friend who handles rescue horses. She has dreams of having horses and living on an acreage someday, but she simply doesn't have the means to achieve that. I have to wonder if history will repeat itself.
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post #13 of 16 Old 11-07-2016, 02:17 AM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
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very likely. the history repeating itself.
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post #14 of 16 Old 11-07-2016, 09:11 AM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: MD
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I recommend selling the horse too. It'd be in your best interest & your ex's best interest to sell her to someone who has the time/money/etc. to care for her. While it will be hard to do, it would probably be for the best in the long run. Split the money for sure though.
Next time, however, I'd definitely look into a leasing option if possible. Me personally, I don't have the money to own a horse so I am leasing one & it's actually been really great! I don't have to worry about vet bills/dental/farrier, etc. & I can ride as I please. Instead of taking on such a big responsibility.

Ride more, worry less.
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post #15 of 16 Old 11-07-2016, 11:03 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: BC
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Ah. The issue is the attachment. While that is understandable, it doesn't address the horse's best interest or welfare. And given the previous history of the other two horses, I think it's hard to argue that (with her). Best care scenario would possibly be someone your ex likes or knows taking on this horse and its care and training. I wouldn't hold my breath though. It sounds like she has expectations that are somewhat unrealistic. Good luck and hope you do find resolution to your dilemma.
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post #16 of 16 Old 11-08-2016, 01:46 PM
Join Date: Dec 2013
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Cale, this whole situation is sad (especially for the poor horse!) and happens more than you can imagine. If I had $5.00 for every person I knew who bought a horse on a whim and ended up with disaster, I could afford to support many more than I currently have!

Chances are, your ex-girlfriend will not change her ways and will continue to buy the wrong horse and then dump them when they don't work out. It sounds like you were at least trying to do the right thing with the lessons and a bit of training help but any experienced horseperson here will tell you that a green, 3 year old horse is completely unsuitable for beginners. Those relaxing, mosey trail rides that you imagined come with years of training and a novice should buy a horse already nicely trained to fulfill that dream.

This is a harsh lesson and it's one I've warned all of my lesson students about, usually to no avail; Don't allow yourself to get emotionally invested in an animal you don't and can't own-you have no control over what happens to them.
I myself learned this the hard way as a young teen and it about killed me.

If you truly care for this particular horse, see if you can buy her and continue your lessons and training help on your own. That doesn't mean "get back with the girlfriend", this is something you can do on your own with some good help. You also have the option of finding an older, completely trained trail horse, join a trail riding club and "live the dream"!

You will (as an added benefit) meet a lot of nice ladies in the horse world where men are in short supply!
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