This is correct,
, but you understand the distinction.
When working with animals or children, we should:
a) Be good examples of fair leaders, and model the very principles we are trying to teach them, not just expect them to toe our rules while we behave badly ourselves;
b) See respect as a two-way street, and not think we can do anything
we like with them - respect their boundaries, as well as teach them to respect ours, and ask, "Is that okay with you?" on a regular basis, and teach them to ask us, "Is that okay with you?" on a regular basis as well;
c) Work together for the mutual
good - find ways of working that are enjoyable for both
d) Have the primary emphasis on looking for good behaviour to reward, rather than looking for misbehaviour or stupidity to punish - spend the vast majority of the time creating a positive and constructive atmosphere;
e) Have clear and immediate consequences for boundary infringements - and most of these can be low key if you get in early. If you're needing a whip to feed a horse, then either you or someone before you didn't set the ground rules down clearly in the first place, and the behaviour has already escalated. Unless you are dealing with the odd psychopathic human or animal.
f) If you do have to deal with escalated behaviour, do it creatively rather than harshly, so you don't damage your working relationship unnecessarily. I've got an example of that here, for dealing with a biting horse: https://www.horseforum.com/horse-tra...post1970522651
On very rare occasions, I might tip half a bucket of water over a "new" horse because it is giving me a really rude display, or interfering with another horse - or I might kick a backside and do some impressive chasing because an animal aimed a kick at me. But, these are rare situations, not standard responses. If they were standard responses, the horses would see me as a person to fear, rather than as a person they like and want to cooperate with because good things happen when they do, and because I make sure the behaviour of herd members towards each other is good - as the best lead mares in horse herds will also do.
And by good things, I actually don't mean treats either. I really liked what
said about treats:
Treats: I treat copiously, but I never fork over the treat while the horse is doing something I find objectionable (rifling through my pockets, nudging me, cutting me off, etc.) I will give the treat once the horse has assumed an inconspicuous posture, or I sneak up on the horse and - voilą - a treat appears, not even giving the horse a chance to do something pushy.
Food: While I'm dispensing food, the horse will give me room until I have placed the food. Then I step aside and the horse can do whatever. Sometimes I take my horse away from his hay in the middle of eating, but then it's only for a trip to the grain bucket, or to eat some fresh grass outside. It shows the horse that I'm in control of the food, but also doesn't give him a reason to be resentful, because it's always an upgrade to what he was just eating.
I tend to give my animals treats when I'm at leisure with them, rather than working with them - just because. When I'm working with them, that
becomes the treat, if I'm doing it well. My riding horse will get collected for work, or called up for work (that works too, and it's really handy - our horses come when called), and the first thing is a nice long scrub of all his itchy spots with a brush. "Which spots are itchiest today?" Other animals see his antics and nose-wiggling and usually hang around hoping they too will get a bit of a scratch, and often they do. Then we tack up, and are off. "Oh goodie, where are we going today?" My horses have always liked to work. In part it's that they were all working breeds, in part that I never ask anything from them that's beyond their current capabilities, in part it's that all of us love fresh air and exercise and a good outing. These days, when I do the trails around our own farm, I am often followed by several horses and/or donkeys who just want to tag along for fun.
An old example of what happens when we call our horses. The camera person is on the incoming route, and the horses are running to the caller. The bay and grey are now deceased - this was years ago. But all our horses will come when called. This is because we always call them at feed time, and then they also come if you happen to need them for another purpose, and call them at non-feed time.
My horses like to learn, and like me to tell them how clever they are. They enjoy doing a good job, and trying to figure out something new. This is an attitude that is fostered with good training and with a mutually respectful relationship - not with lording it over someone or something.
My treats are usually carrots, and in stone fruit season, overripe peaches, nectarines and plums off our trees, which the horses and donkeys love. I don't feed treats all the time - maybe once a day maximum, and sometimes not for a week. I tend to give a carrot when I'm taking off rugs - they stand so still when they're busy chewing!
And they all know they get one carrot each, and that's it, and there's no point trying to see if they can try to get another horse's treat off me, because that's not going to work, and they know not to make faces at each other because of it.
I've seen trick trainers use treats to great effect, and see nothing wrong with that. I just don't need to do it for my situation. I prefer horses to think of the job we are doing, instead of having half their brain engaged in thinking about what might be in my pockets, for the sort of work I do with them. I can completely understand how treats can be really useful for actual training when you are training a horse to do really unusual things, though!
My horses and donkeys come up to me, not because of treats, but because they enjoy hanging out. I know all their itchy spots, and I dispense much warmth and affection to them. The horses no longer have an actual lead mare, and now the boys get all soppy trying to put their heads under my arm etc, and having a nice bit of attention from me - more than they did before - their lead mare was very affectionate with them and kept good order in the herd. Now there's just me to do that. These horses want
to please me. And that's what makes working with them delightful.