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"Playing the Hero" -- when to 'stick with it' & when to realize it's time to move on.

102K views 224 replies 143 participants last post by  DannyBoysGrace 
#1 · (Edited)
"Playing the Hero" -- when to 'stick with it' & when to realize it's time to move on.

We've all seen it happen, and I'm sure most of us have been there one time or another. Perhaps some of us are there right now: buying the horse that's, well.. too much horse for us. I'm not talking needs a bit of training/settling... I'm talking that horse that makes us look like fools... the horse that has problems, the horse that bucks/bolts/spins/rears/kicks.. you name it... and it's beyond our knowledge level.
It's a frightening spot to be in, and it is one that tests our very mettle.
What it really comes down to are two decisions: do we keep the horse, and work through the problems, or do we sell the horse, and get one that's more level-appropriate?

There are major problems arise with this question:
1) the human ego. We don't like to admit we're wrong, or don't know enough, or aren't strong enough, or ... well, we just don't like to admit that we aren't enough, period.
2) we feel that we've somehow let the horse down. We humans (most of us anyways) get attached to the animals in our lives, however briefly. By the time we realize that the horse is too much, we've already gotten attached. Thus, the thought of selling said horse becomes more difficult.
3) we have been bombarded with so many stories of the underdog (read: inexperienced horseman) taming the wild horse that a lot of people have started to think this is the norm... it is not.
...right along with this point is...
4) the romantic idea of "taming the wild horse" is very, very over-played. Believe me, there is nothing romantic about taking a problem horse and trying to fix it. There is a lot of blood (so to speak), sweat and tears. The end result is worth it... if you know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing... well sometimes it doesn't end well at all.

Sticking with it

This is the option that most of us at least flirt with for a while. The biggest problem with this option is that when we buy a horse that's too much of us, obviously we don't have the experience to deal with the problems the horse has, or to bring the horse along correctly. This is a catch-22. We try our darndest, but we cannot see what we're doing wrong, as we just don't have the experience to see what we're doing wrong. So we keep doing things wrong, thinking we're right -- um, the problem with this is apparent.
So how do we deal with this?
The most obvious answer to most of us is get a trainer/instructor. That would be fantastic... if only we could point at any name in the Yellowpages under "Horse Trainer" and get exactly what we need. Oh, and there's also the slight hiccup of money - trainers cost money.
Not all trainers are created equal... in fact, I'd be so bold to say that there are more bad trainers out there than good... so the odds are stacked against you from day 1. Well, that's kind of crummy, to say the least.
Nonetheless, finding a decent trainer will likely take care of our problems. The horse can either get sent away for training (and come back to us with more wet saddle blankets and miles under its girth) or we can opt to take lessons and learn with the horse, and how to handle its problems and quirks.
With a good trainer, either of these options can be very beneficial, and you can end up with the horse of your dreams... or at least one you can ride and handle.
So, how do we go about finding that special trainer? Your best bet is word of mouth. People like to talk. A lot. They especially like to talk when they can complain - so go hang out at your local tack store, go to shows.... and keep your ears open.
Anyways, that isn't really the point of this post, more of a side-tip. The bottom line is that if you are in over your head with your horse, finding someone reputable that can help you is one of the best steps you can take.


Unfortunately, due to many circumstances, a lot or people that are in over their heads to not get help.... or get the wrong kind of help - though I'm not quite sure which is worse. A lot of horse owners keep a horse that is too much for them. They think they can work through it, but either can't or won't spend the money on a decent trainer, or they don't have any decent trainers around them to help.
With that intro, let's move on to the main point of this post: When to quit playing the hero.
Like I said earlier, it's human nature to either not want to admit we have a problem, or not admit we need help when we do realize that we might just have a big problem on our hands. Couple that with our human need to care for living things, and you can see how easily this becomes very dangerous.
We want things to end up like they do in the movies; we want so badly to be that main character that is able to tame the wild horse that we don't really see the big picture, nor the lack of romance that real life really offers us.
Horses are big animals. They can throw their weight around, and they can hurt us. They can kill us. It's not in their nature to do so, no, but if we're in the wrong place at the wrong time, or react wrongly, well.. we can end up dead.
I don't think enough people appreciate this sentiment.. especially not when we're young and invincible.
Training horses takes a lot of instinct, or 'horse sense' as some call it. The nice thing about this instinct and horse sense is that it can be learned. The problem is, it takes a darn long time to learn it... it's not an easy lesson, nor is it readily acquired.

When a horse is untrained beyond our abilities, and we have no trainer or mentor, we are very liable to ruin said horse, at least for a while. A trainer once told me that we ruin the first 10 horses we touch. We don't have the know-how, we don't have the instinct, we don't have the experience to truly to any real favors to the first horses we touch.

How do we acquire such talents? We learn from experience. We learn from talking to people who know more than us. We learn from paying people who know more than us to teach us how to react in various situations. We attend clinics from people who know more than us. We read books written by people who know more than us..... see the pattern?

As a disclaimer of sorts, I must say that there are some very rare people that can learn by trial and error, and fix a problem horse that they originally had no idea how to fix and do it on their own.... but, let me say this very clearly.... this is not the norm, and it is very very rare.

How does it usually end, if you don't seek help?
More often than not, there's an event or two that lead the owner to realize that they cannot do this alone. Usually this realization results from injury, either to the horse or to the owner.
Sometimes it takes a serious, life-threatening injury to make the owner realize that something has to change.


When you realize it's time to move on.

Right off the bat, I want to say that there is nothing wrong with selling a horse that is too much for you, and getting something more your level. Nothing. In fact, I commend people who realize that they are in over their heads, want to find a good home for the horse, and find a horse that is more suited to their abilities.

This usually comes after flirting with the idea of fixing the horse yourself, or even after having someone try to fix the horse for you. Sometimes it happens when the person sustains the injury I mentioned a few paragraphs above.

If you cannot afford to hire someone to teach you how to deal with the problem horse, or send the horse away for training, or there is no decent trainer around you, I usually suggest selling the horse.
Why?
If you try and "play the hero" and fix the horse yourself without any know-how or guidance, it usually doesn't end well. You either don't know how to react in a situation, or react poorly in a situation, and make it worse. For example, I saw one lady that simply jumped off her horse when it started to hunch up or buck; she didn't know how to deal with the bucking horse, so she taught the horse that if it hunched up or bucked, it would be rewarded by being allowed to relax. The owner had no clue what she was doing wrong, and grew more and more terrified of the horse, and kept teaching the horse bad habits.

If you don't know how to fix it, can't send the horse away to get fixed, and can't get the help to learn how to fix it, sell or give it to someone who DOES know.
A horse is not worth your life. If you can't get the help, it is not worth risking your life to fix. It is also not worth ruining the horse more for the sake of your pride.

Sometimes, a horse is just too much for us. There is nothing wrong with admitting this. Even if you've worked with a dozen trainers, and you're still in over your head.... well.... it's time to move on.

It will be best for you and the horse to part ways. You can take necessary precautions to make sure the horse ends up in a good home - usually, a problem horse won't fetch a lot of money, but they also won't take up more of your money in feed and upkeep costs. This way, the horse can be ridden and trained by someone that has the knowledge to work through the problems.
You, in turn, can either spend money on lessons, or buy a horse that's more appropriate for your level of riding, and learn on it.

Of course, another option, if you have the time and money, and if the horse is safe to handle on the ground, is to retire the horse to a pasture ornament. This works for some horses, and not for others... some horses need to work to be happy, and others are perfectly content being a pasture puff, but it is another option to consider.
 
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#2 ·
Amen, sister. Won't write a while lot because I'm on my phone, but I agree wholeheartedly. I hate seeing people overhorsed - we were recently able to convince the parents of a begginer rider at our club that his horse was way too much for him - and thank god because that was a case were he would have definately gotten hurt. I also think the biggest factor is ego, as you mentioned.
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#4 ·
I'm afraid we were in a situation like that a few years ago, where I knew deep down the horse was way too much for me, so I slowly started to let go- after the inevitable injury happened. It wasn't big, she bit me -hard-, hard enough to leave a bruise that didn't fade away for over six months, and make it difficult to ride. Not to mention the fact that she nearly (thank god for that NEARLY) kicked me in the head, totally un provoked. It wounded my pride, wounded my confidence, but I'm so glad now that we realised it in time, before she hurt me or anybody else who decided to go near her, it just wasn't worth it.

Turns out, in the end, it was a pain issue (that previous owners didn't tell us about, but that's beside the story) and we gave her away to people who could RECOGNIZE and TREAT the issue. I've yet to meet her again, but I want to, because get this- she's doing beginner trail rides and has gone back to her previous 'bombproof' status, so not only was it safer for us it was so much better for her and now she's living the life she deserves with people who know how to handle her issues.
 
#5 ·
There is a very old saying: "Pride goes before the fall". Taken literally and in this context, it means get out of that horse before you get hurt.

I've bought and sold many horses in my life and some should have been keepers but I wasn't ready for them at the time. I love horses and I have my entire life but I have no problem admitting that, for whatever reason, I bought the wrong horse. Horses are for my enjoyment and if that particular horse is not giving that to me, then out he goes.

This is really aimed at the younger members but I find it ridiculous that some will whine about owning a horse that is trying to kill them yet can't part with him because he is their life or their best friend or their soulmate. It's horse and if you are over your head with that horse, it is better off (for both you and the horse) to be in the hands of someone who is at the same level with him. You are not going to make it better but only make it worse if you keep a horse that is too far above your expertise.

If you own a horse that is still bolting, rearing, biting, bucking, after a year ... you don't need that horse. I'm also tired of hearing "he's come a long way" but he is still bolting etc. The longer you keep a horse like that the longer it takes to break the habit you fostered. Misguided youthful ego.

OK, rant over .... back to the thread.
 
#8 ·
This is really aimed at the younger members but I find it ridiculous that some will whine about owning a horse that is trying to kill them yet can't part with him because he is their life or their best friend or their soulmate. It's horse and if you are over your head with that horse, it is better off (for both you and the horse) to be in the hands of someone who is at the same level with him. You are not going to make it better but only make it worse if you keep a horse that is too far above your expertise.

If you own a horse that is still bolting, rearing, biting, bucking, after a year ... you don't need that horse. I'm also tired of hearing "he's come a long way" but he is still bolting etc. The longer you keep a horse like that the longer it takes to break the habit you fostered. Misguided youthful ego.
I didn't want to make my main post about this, but yes, I had this in mind when writing the piece. Thank you for bringing it up, Iride.

"Playing the hero" and 'sticking with it' longer than one should usually goes hand-in-hand with the invincibility of youth. Even by the time we're in our 20's, our bodies stop bouncing like they should, injuries seem to hurt more, or we've got families, and significant others that make us realize that life is much, much bigger than one horse. Suddenly, dealing with a bronc doesn't seem like such a good time, or worth injury or death.
I'm not saying adults aren't sometimes the ones that hang on longer than they should, I've seen it happen, but it's generally the younger ones that feel that "I can't sell him! S/He's my soulmate! S/He's my everything!"
 
#9 ·
Coming from yourself, Marecare, this is quite the compliment. Thank you. I always enjoy reading your 'articles' (as they're usually much more than simple posts) and actually had you in mind (as far as writing goes, you're definitely not in my target audience!) when I was writing this.
 
#10 ·
Intersetingly i come from the other perspective i obtained a "problem" horse 3 years ago.A girl in my yard with 3years experience on "bomb-proof" riding school ponies decided between herself and parents she was ready to own a horse. The horse they bought was a beautiful 16.2hh 5year old anglo-arab mare who are difficult to handle at the best of times this mare however was incredibly mareish so come season time she was a handful. They kept the mare for 3 years after this length of time Magi no longer jumped despite clearing 4" courses on arrival due to being held back coming into jumps then getting flung at them and chucked on landing the result was that this mare ran backwards,reared stopped dead and wouldnt move or if forced over the jump she wouldnt lift her legs she ran through it. Through inexperience she destroyrd the horse who no longer did anything she bolted in canter stopped dead in trot couldnt go on the road or fields due to rearing bucking napping you name it she did it. The reason she finally decided to sell her "bestfrien in the world"..... Maggie reared up fell over backwards the girl ended up with a broken pelvis and severe concussion. I had always gotten along with the mare so for a couple of hundred i bought her and my god it was a journey to try go through her problems one by one she was schooled and lunged solidly for a year not a jump or hack in site i took her out of a stable the first year and she lived in a field this burnt off all boredom habits and energy the second sumer i had her i introduced light jumping three years on and my girl is a champion eventer and dressage horse. it just goes to show people who are clinging on to these horses that have the potential to kill you that your not only destroying your own confidence but your horses in the long run its better and safer to even lease the horse out for a year whilst experience is gained. jus thought id share that getting a problem horse is ALOT of work and dedication on the new owner to try and achieve a rideable horse. everyone has been in a situation of being over horsed the safest option is to get out as quickly as possible as once the horse realises he can get one up on you its a very very very slippery slope from then on!
 
#11 ·
I'm not talking needs a bit of training/settling... I'm talking that horse that makes us look like fools... the horse that has problems, the horse that bucks/bolts/spins/rears/kicks.. you name it... and it's beyond our knowledge level.
I would just like to re-iterate this piece, if I may: The horse that's over your head doesn't have to do all this stuff.... I simply mean that if the horse does stuff that you're uncomfortable with, whether that's bolting, taking the bit, or rearing or bucking, and you don't know how to deal with it effectively and within a timely manner, realize that you're in over your head.
 
#12 ·
This post is awesome. I was one of those people who bought two horses that were over my previous level of horsemanship. Once I realized this, I took the actions necessary for me to keep my animals. I hired a trainer who taught me the basics of how to handle a horse on the ground, and from there I worked on it every day to get to where I am now. I used to babysit for my last trainer to get discounted/free lessons whenever possible. I worked at a feed store for 2 years and learned everything about feeding and caring for horses because they are my passion and I wanted to learn as much about them as possible. I went to the trade shows and the horse expos and the clinics with top dressage riders just to watch how people not only handled and rode, but how they connected with and took care of their horses. I'm happy to say I've always had horse sense, and I love deepening and broadening my knowledge. I am still not world's greatest rider because I don't have the money to take lessons. I get most of my experience through working deals. I often take on challenges that are over my head and learn and work to overcome them. But that's the difference! You have to be willing to work hard and learn, not just continue to do nothing and destroy both your and your horses life.

All I can add is that if you really need help, there are ways to find it. Offer up a room in your house in exchange for daily training from a horse savvy college student or trainer. Attend clinics and watch DVDs or watch training sessions other people are giving. Get involved with a local barn and clean stalls in exchange for lessons, and meet people in your area willing to mentor you. There are many opportunities, and if this is something you really WANT you CAN find a solution without paying a lot of money. :)
 
#13 ·
Thanks for writing this JDI!

Looking back on Lacey and I, when I first got her, I'm still amazed that I'm not dead. Hahaha I guess I got lucky that I joined this forum when I got her and was able to learn by trial and error with her because otherwise...I don't even know.

I also second what iride said. Especially about how if your horse is still having major issues after you've been working with it for a year, you have a problem. I do know, however, that it took Lacey and I about a year to iron all the major kinks out of our relationship that were causing her difficulty, but pretty exactly on the one year mark we had gotten it all figured out. We still had little kinks to work out then but now, about 20 months into our relationship, we're pretty much golden.
I feel like, if you have a "problem" horse and you aren't making huge strides in your understanding of what's going on and then noticeable strides in the direction of fixing it, from about the second month (because I feel like you don't truly see a horses true colors for about a month, also you need to know the horse enough to know what's going on), you need to either sell the horse or get help, real honest to goodness professional help, not your next door neighbor who's trained a horse once or twice.

Really, the only reason I stuck with Lacey was because if I gave up on her, the auction and slaughter were her next stop (according to my BO/trainer who was her real full owner at the time). I just couln't have that on my conscience, so I stuck with Lacey way past anything my trainer/myself felt comfortable with. I mean, Lacey scared me so badly that I did not ride her for 4 stinking months! I mean, I was doing tons of groundwork in that time which I'm sure helped me once I did get back in the saddle, but still. 4 months should have been the giant blinking light that said to me "this is too much for you!!".

But in any case, I feel very fortunate that Lacey is good natured enough to not have killed me and that I was experienced enough as a horseperson to know how to pick and choose my battles. Very fortunate indeed.
And as a plea to anyone who might read this and think "Some girl on the interwebs did it! I can do it too!" Please don't. It was not good for my mental health and I really wish I had just gone with something that was my actual skill level. Also, before I met Lacey, I had/have spent many many hours retraining horses that were problems on a smaller scale than Lacey was. The only reason I didn't die with Lacey was that I had already learned how to sit quietly, how to calm my insides when they are FREAKING OUT, how to feel when a horse is about to o something and how to stop them before they do, I had already learned the lesson of "velcro-butt," and even then, I was on this forum asking for help ALL the time. Otherwise, I probably would have died, just sayin.


Thank you, again, so much for writing this JDI! It's something everyone should read and really consider.
 
#14 ·
Great read.

I know I've leared so much from the first couple of horses I ever touched, and I nearly did ruin my first horse. Thankfully someone with ALOT more know how took him on and was able to deal with the issues that I had created.

I consider myself an intermediate/experienced horse person but I am still not afraid to ever send my horse to a trainer or work with a coach if I am stuck on something, nor am I afraid to sell that horse if I know it's just not going to work out. But I wasn't always like this. I held onto that first horse that I nearly ruined for a good long time...I wasn't willing to give up (both a good trait and a bad trait)
 
#15 ·
thanks for the post, it means a lot for me even. it's almost funny, here i am, newlywed and mid 20's, and i'm fussing with an OTTB that very well may be over my head. i'm risking my neck because i'd much rather it be me than my wife as it's her horse.

i didn't do anything with him for over six months because i just plain didn't know WHAT to do with him. i'd spent over a year before that on a learning curve getting education on how to do and work with horses. but he was still just that much over me. i'd gotten on him a few times, but didn't really get anywhere with him. however, my brother did grow up with them and he came out a couple times and worked on him. gave me some ideas and pointers, really boosted my confidence on the whole deal.

so the wife and i had come up with a different plan that if we hadn't gotten him behaved and ridable by the end of summer it was time for him to go. but then another idea was given to me. given 60 days of DAILY riding, we'd have one of two things. either we'd have a usable horse who's half decent, or my wife would say that it's time to get rid of him.

so far, about a week into this thing, i'm not going to throw any suggestions out there as to what's going to happen yet. he's not horrid in terms of behavior. he's well mannered on the ground until i go to get on him, but once on, i have control. he's got some pretty bad manners sometimes, but is making progress well. next weekend it may be time to start incorporating my spouse into his training program. plus she IS involved because she does good ground work, thus is going to be the one to learn him to stand while being mounted.

i just hope and pray that if it does come to that time that she it and won't fight me. i haven't felt in REAL danger yet, however there's been a couple of times that i wondered if he was going to try and rear or buck. however, he still hasn't and it was pointed out that often times the feeling comes from him tripping over himself.

anyhow, thanks again for the post, and i hope that someone out there will take it to heart and save themselves some time, trouble, and possibly pain/injury.
 
#16 ·
I'm NOT arguing here, but just wondering. If you get say wild horse (btw, I don't see anything romantic about getting wild horse, but only problems unless you have tons of experience to deal with one) or horse with problems (for example, seller lied or you took one out of pity (YES, it's NOT the way to go, but things happen)), and horse is too much for you AND noone is interested even in taking it for free. Now what should you do? Put it down? Sell it to the meat plant?
 
#30 ·
that's what REALLY chaps my butt about the shutting down of kill houses in the states. there ARE some horses out there that are just plain truly useless. if they had not shut them down, then those who are in over their heads and know it would have an out that would be able to even come out with a buck or two in hand instead of absolutely nothing.
 
#17 ·
^

In my opinion, if a horse is SO dangerous that you can't even give it away, you're probably better off loading it on a one-way truck so nobody else gets hurt anyway. I suppose the kind thing to do in some eyes would be to put them down, but if I was somehow tricked into paying money for such an animal (tranq'ed at selling for example), I would ship it and recoup some of my losses. I couldn't personally ship a doting pet, but a rank bronc who had no interest in learning manners doesn't matter which trailer he's in, he's still on the fight, so let him fight it out with the packers.

Excellent post JDI. People seem to really hang on to this old cowboy idea of rough riding a horse into the ground and never giving up. They don't realize that plenty of stock got a bullet to the brain after it had crunched the third or fourth cowboy. These horses were a livelihood back in the day, and having to admit defeat usually meant a wincing hit to the pocketbook, so they were determined to try as hard as they could to make a worker out of a mean range cuss. There is also a HUGE difference between the one in a thousand wild bronc who would fight to the death, and a spoiled miserable rotten domestic horse that someone has ruined.

There was a time when I'd climb on anything. Now, I look long and hard at what someone is asking me to climb onto. There are just certain vices and certain states of mind in horses that nobody should ever have to deal with because the chance of bringing them around is slim to none.

And agreed with whoever mentioned the insanity behind teenage kids professing undying love to a horse that tries to maim them daily. You need to learn damn fast that your horse doesn't know what "love" is and nickering for you at the fence does not mean he's going to think twice about piling you into a wall and going after you with his teeth if he doesn't feel like being ridden. Get rid of him and get something worth your time and effort - quit foolin' yourself into thinking a horse that delibrately tries to hurt humans is worth saving.
 
#91 ·
^

And agreed with whoever mentioned the insanity behind teenage kids professing undying love to a horse that tries to maim them daily. You need to learn damn fast that your horse doesn't know what "love" is and nickering for you at the fence does not mean he's going to think twice about piling you into a wall and going after you with his teeth if he doesn't feel like being ridden. Get rid of him and get something worth your time and effort - quit foolin' yourself into thinking a horse that delibrately tries to hurt humans is worth saving.
100% truth. I worked on a young girl for ages to sell her insane horse before it killed her. She tried really hard but the horse was way beyond her. She did finally sell the horse and now owns a nice sane horse that she enjoys riding.
When I was younger I had a friend who owned an old quiet broke do everything appy mare. The mare passed away and mom decided the girl needed a nice 2yr old Morgan show filly..... guess who's not riding horses anymore.

Like I tell people... you don't get along with every person you meet... why insist that every horse you meet is going to be your best friend.

Some horses you bond with... like me and my arab mare. Some you tolerate and they tolerate you... like one of my appy mares. And for some the feeling is mutual :evil:... and those ones you sell. Doesn't make them bad horses... just not right for you.
 
#20 ·
I would like to add a personal story...I appologize for the length but I think it really is an eye opener for some of you.

When I was 11 my trainer rescued an abused, neglected underweight 2 yr old colt. His name was Raymond. I was horseless at that time and spent hours that summer reading in his pasture, feeding him treats and desensitizing him to the "simple things in life" like brushes, carrots, people...etc. I was the first to brush him, the first to halter him, the first to lead him,you get the picture. I was also officially the first person on his back when it came time to back him and he was gelded (i.e pony ride with the trainer at his head). I was light, had a "velcro butt" and I volunteered...haha!

He got 60 or 90 days from my trainer to be a western pleasure/team penner and didn't hack it. He had too much go and not enough jog...plus he ran away from half the cows he met. But for a greenie he was sane, I was riding him in lessons and occasionally on trail rides after she had put the beginning miles on him. Needless to say he wasn't gonna be her next all around versatility ranch horse. So the decision was made to sell him. He was inexperienced but game and I was looking for an english mount.

A brief history of my experience at that point. I got my first pony at 4 and was on the back of a horse at least once a week after that, baring death or weather related setbacks. I was experienced with adversity, I never had a push button horse to learn on. I learned to ride with a stubborn shetland, a kids crop and how to utilize kicking, smacking and hanging onto the horn at the same time and the most we ever achieved was a plodding lope up a small hill for about 3 strides. Steering was always optional in my younger years naturally. Insert local yokel trainer and I learned about figure eights, heels down, head up and direct opening rein. I think I learned to post about this time too...I was 8. After three years with this trainer, insert the story of Raymond from above, naive parents, a grandmother with some extra cash and a trainer that swears we can learn together....(Any red flags going up yet?)

With the help of my esteemed instructor, it took me 2 years to ruin him. He was sour, he was malicious, he had learned how to unstick my velcro. With creative movements that mirrored such exalted moves as the canter pirrouette, the capriole and a few that he made up. Such as the duck and scoot, the drop the shoulder and change leads real quick, the buck coming off a fence trick was always a personal favorite of mine as well and the drop your head to your knees and hop sideways maneuver was a personal favorite of his.

I loved this horse, he was my baby...(insert 13 yr old girl whining here). The parents finally caught onto the fact that the 13 yr old telling her parents that her trainer sucks might be a valid argument and we leave. Enter...non-show barn with trails and a crappy ring. I hauled out for hunter/jumper lessons to a local stable and spent a lot of time lunging, trail riding and hanging out with him. I also started riding with an older friend and she started helping me to undo the problems my inexperience and bad instruction had created.

Fast forward through lots of money, tons of clinic and lesson hours, numerous instructors and knowledgeable friends and you're where I am today. I have a wonderful gelding, who is highly trained and a total in your pocket personality. He still tests every single person that gets on him, he is still a bit stiff and heavy in his laterals and on his forehand. He still throws tantrums when he's asked to work and do higher level movements. These days his tantrums are over whether he really wants to school 2nd and 3rd level dressage movements, or behave on a trail ride by himself or calmly accept the ground hogs, tarps, mini donkey and deer that frequently careen past our ring instead of ducking and scooting or crow hopping away.

For 5 years I said almost every week that I came home from the barn in tears that I was going to sell him. The ONLY thing that stopped me was my parents saying, if you sell him you won't be getting another horse from us. In a lot of ways they did me a favor, it made me the trainer I am now, the rider I am now and it made me appreciate how easy it is to ruin a horse and how hard to fix.

But my childhood and my teenage years could have been full of winning championships for my skills, or going on relaxing rides through the woods instead of the blood, sweat and tears I put into this gelding just to be able to go to a show for the day and not fall off. To not be disqualified for blowing simple leads or having him try to run over the judge or away with me. To be able to hack out alone without an hour long battle and impressive airs above ground.

And no matter what training I have put on him since, he still has mental scars from my misuse as a child. He still reverts back to his 4 year old self. He still does the same maneuvers, the same tricks and throws the same tantrums when he is having a bad day. That is part of his training too and it will never go away. I used to joke that I have to keep him because nobody else will put up with his crap, which isn't quite true anymore. I have finally re-taught him to be a productive member of equine society. It just took us 10 years to get there. He was born in 1996 and I bought him in 1998. I was 11, I'm now 23.

P.S-Feel free to cross post this or use it if you would like.
 
#21 ·
Excellent article!

Great Article!

Everyone who owns a horse should read this. Maybe it will make a few people ask themselves if their horse is actually right for them.

My trainer has worked with many of these horses that inexperienced people have ruined. Currently I am helping her re-train a 13 year old horse that doesn't respond to leg pressure and rein aids because of a teen that wasn't experienced enough to ride her and just totally ruined her.

These children that get horses that are way to green or problematic are not the only people at fault for ruining their horse. It is also the child's parents that need to be blamed. Just because the child had lessons on push-button ponies for a year or two, doesn't mean they are ready to break in a young horse or ride a top-notch dressage horse.
 
#22 ·
Okay, back at a computer again :]

Often, if a person is way-over horsed, people telling them that can make the situation worse. We all know how people like to prove others wrong! They get into the ‘I’ll show them’ mentality – Which as said, is when people start getting hurt.

I think a big point to make is that you should be training for the horse. Anytime you are training for a different motivation is when things go pear shaped. Training to prove something to others, or to yourself, is one of the worst.

I think that being over horsed is one of the biggest reasons people lose interest in riding. I have a friend who never had that pony to learn and have fun on. She had a cranky, pushy, dominant horse, and then a highly strung, injury prone TB. She slowly stopped riding when he was always injured, and when he passed away, she never really took it up again. I used to bring her out and put her on Wildey, and she had such fun just hooning around! It was something she had never experienced – Just having fun on a horse you don’t have to worry about. So many young people out there are so focussed on competeing, or training, or improving, or ‘being’ someone, that they lose the pure and simple joy of just riding and enjoying the country with your horse. I feel that every kid should have at least one well-broke pony who they just take out on trails.

Ego is such a big player in the problem. It’s a rare person who can admit that they aren’t good enough, without feeling de-valued even in the smallest way. It feels like failure. And none of us like failure. It’s a mentality that needs to be changed. All those books and movies (Black Beauty, Black Stallion, My Friend Flicka, Thunderhead, etc.) have a lot to answer for! We need to teach our kids the value in realizing you are over horsed and admitting it. We need to teach the parents, too – How many times have I seen a kid who just wants a pony to love, perched on a huge, spirited horse that is terrifying them while their parents scream instructions from the sidelines? There is nothing noble in struggling with a horse that is too much for you.

I think a part that most overlook is that it is doing the horse NO GOOD. If you are scared, confused, or worried, then the horse knows it. It’s like Riosdad days – He rides the horses he does and does things the way he does because he knows that he can control the horse in any situation that may arise. It really is the key. If you don’t have the tools, knowledge and confidence to control and manage any situation that may come up with a particular horse, or a quick and easy avenue to get it, then you have NO business riding that horse.

I am one of those people who hates to see a good horse go to waste. I know that said horse is probably perfectly happy in their life of laziness, but I just start to fume when I see a horse with such potential being wasted because the owner is to scared or doesn’t have the knowledge to bring it out, but they are too stubborn to let it go. There are two horses like this at the local agistment centre – A gorgeous, beautifully conformed 16h palomino ASH gelding and an adorable, lightning quick paint welsh mountain pony mare. The gelding does nothing because the owner doesn’t like him and he is apparently a ‘terror’ – I have ridden him and he didn’t put a foot wrong except for being lazy! The mare is too much for her owner (A typical quick, smart pony mare, the type I love!) and is sitting in the paddock almost foundering every year. Every time I see them I just pine for them – I have said to both owners that I would love to take them but they are too stubborn.

I feel more pity for the horse in these situations, than the owner. The horse has no say in who buys it and who attempts to train it – The people do.
 
#23 ·
I'm going to play devil's advocate here a bit...not that I disagree with the OP.

As the superior species *cough gag*, it behooves us to actually do the research before delving into horse ownership (among other things), get a mentor, talk to more experienced people (like more than just your neighbor who never actually rides his horse) et al...

If people did that BEFORE buying, the chances of getting in over their head goes down exponentially.

Behavior issues in horses are almost always human created, and the behavior in and of itself is the horse's only way to say, "HEY! I'm in pain here. HEY! I don't have a clue what you want from me. HEY! Quit giving me mixed signals. HEY! Why are you reprimanding me for behaving like a horse?" HEY! Why are you getting on me and making me work for 4 hours when you haven't been on me in 6 months? HEY! Don't you get that what you're feeding me is crap and upsetting my stomach?" And the like...

As often as people are bamboozled and taken for a ride by dishonest sellers, there are as many people who simply don't make the commitment that is required for horse ownership, and there is in fact absolutely nothing wrong with that horse that just bit them.
 
#24 ·
Excellent point. I don't think there's anything wrong with rising to the occasion of owning a certain horse, and definitely nothing wrong with educationg yourself. However, I think the OP was, as stated somewhere else in this topic, referring especially to the "tweenies" who barely know how to sit on a horse, and then going out and buy something that it would take them years to learn how to successfully ride, and only 6 months or so to ruin.
 
#25 ·
Thank you for your input, WS.

Mercedes, you bring up a valid point, and one that's very oft ignored. The point of my OP, though, was for those people that are already in the situation -- I could write another huge long article about what not to do about getting into the situation in the first place, but thank you for bringing it up :)

Justsam - I'm really gearing this thread to anyone in over their heads, I hate to aim it at only one age group.
 
#28 ·
It's DEFINITELY more then just teenagers that get in over their heads! There's a older and experienced dressage lady at my barn who bought a nice laid back (FANCY) WB as a 3 year old from a fantastic breeder. She lessons regularly with a great trainer, very sweet, but tiny and somewhat timid. This sweet 3 y/o grew to be a giant and LAZY 17.3 elephant who learned very quickly how to throw his weight around. While it's not a horribly dangerous situation it's not great. There are a lot of days when she does not ride him, days when she does not enjoy riding him, and a lot of people who have tried to talk to her about selling him and getting something more suitable. But for some reason she has some crazy 'commitment' to this horse. He has the breeding and potential to be VERY successful in the show ring (which she has no desire to do). It just seems like a waste for her to not always enjoy her horse, and for him to not to be used to his potential. But she will own him til the day he dies. WHY?!

When people get a puppy and have no follow through (gives it away when it's not cute anymore, gives it away b/c heaven forbid it chewed something up) it pisses me off. Commit to the training and welfare of your puppy and keep it, it's not a library book. But while an unruly puppy pees on your floor, an unruly horse can kill you. I admit, I often judge people who get dogs and then give them to shelters b/c they don't wnat to take care of it anymore. I COMMEND people who realize the horse isn't right for them and find it a good home.

Thanks JDI, great article!
 
#27 · (Edited)
What a novel! I only read the first part, but wow. That is a great post! And I am one of those people who have/had a choice like that. I chose to get the pride out of the window and chose my safety. We never had a "bond" anyway. BTW- rearing is a scary thing, and going over backward it something I won't soon forget. I hope Chingaz posts here/reads this.
EDIT
it's not that I'm in over my head THAT far. With the trainer working with us, I could ride him fine, but I can't do gymkhana for at LEAST a year because(in the words of the trainer)" I'd be asking to get hurt". I don't trust him, and he will sense that and then you know what will probably happen.......... So in a sense, I am a bit over my head.
And I'm NOT asking to get hurt.
 
#29 ·
I was like that. I was a green rider, I learned on my pony that has been there done that. I trust him with my life along with all my friends and family. Well, when I was 12 my cousin's best friend's dad told me that I needed a big horse and that he had the one for me. Oh boy! I didn't sell my pony(thank god!), never will. I tested this horse, he was a 12yo appy. He was a dream to ride! I walked, troted, cantered, stopped, and backed with ease for our first few months together. I felt I had found my perfect horse. We had a great bond and I trusted him. Then gymkhana season started up... He was previously a western/english pleasure horse and couldn't stand the idea of going fast in an arena. Every single gymkhana he bucked me at least once. Funny thing was it was only in the show arena he was great in my backyard arena and would go without problems down the trail. His name, Tater(Bucking Tater on youtube) yes I was the inexperienced little girl getting bucked and reared with, I know it looked like I was causing it but I wasnt he is really just a bucker. I finally listed him for sale when he bucked me ten+ times in one event! I stayed on everytime(except when i hit my head but I managed to wait it out then slide off) and I truely loved this horse. I had a few people come look at him but almost everyone was put off that he was a bucker.
The first lady that liked him traded me his very energetic morgan, he was totally different, fast choppy gait, high head, lotsa energy and to tell the truth I knew it was gonna take a long time to get use to and i didnt know if I was comfortable with him. Luckily the lady gave Tater back before she could trade him(we think she was a horsetrader) and the day he came back I was seriously thinking I might just give up gymkhana and keep him for trails. He was perfect riding in a halter and lead rope. The lady said he was horrible for her and when she told him he was going home he jumped in the trailer. I dont doubt that.
The second lady that took interest was lovely. She was so nice and happy. I knew they would be good and she bought him. I knew she was good for him the day she came to pick him up. He was having loading issues and decided not to get in the trailer. She sat there for almost an hour slowly coaxing him in because she knew if she rushed him or got upset that he wouldn't like the trailer. She also doesnt mind his bucking. She says he starts off every trail ride with his signature buck but she has learned to hang on and that now it routine.
I still really miss him and sometimes regret selling him, my new horse also needed work and he still does but I know it will take another year or so before I can get him to be calm like Tater or Bart on trails.
I have only seen Tater once since I sold him a year ago. It was from a distance but I really want to go and ask if I can ride him again. She would say yes.

Sorry for my novel its just I have been thinking about my decision to sell him lately(weather it was good or bad)...
 
#31 ·
Great post! And you see it happening everywhere. Even with me!

I had lessons since I was 7 for 2 years then off and on later. Untill I got my first horse 4 years ago. She was a dominant,problem horse, that had many set backs. I bought her from my trainer. I took weekly lessons learning ground work, nat. horsemanship, ect. Basicly "learning with the horse"
And really looking back on ALL that work now and what happend. My trainer just "pushed" the horse on me. I turned Gypsy down at least 4 times. I also REALLY wanted a horse and finally broke down after a couple lessons with her.My trainer never should of pushed Gypsy on me like that and should have listened to my no's. But since she wanted Gypsy out of her care...

It was at least a year until things started to work and click. After our fights on who was the lead/dominant mare. I wouldnt say I won the fight more as we came to the conclusion of working together and giving into each personality rather then fighting all about it. I accepted her and she accepted me. Thus, we became the best in our group lessons.
3 years after, I started to HATE my trainer. And re-think how I was training and being taught. I hated the fact that I had to install fear into getting my horse to accept my leadership and do what she was told. Like "move out on the circle OR you will get smacked in the shoulder!" Why!? Do I have to hit my horse like that? Yes, it worked out she went on the circle. We learned ground work,ect. But she wasnt a kicking, rearing, lunging at me kind of horse where that kind of force was needed "out of my space or im going to smack you"

Once I started looking outside the box (My trainers world) I found a lot of info on liberty training and clicker training. Once I started using those methods Gypsy and I bonded like never before! It was amazing. I mean really we didnt have a bond of friendship more of just partnership. Now she sees me as the lead mare and is willing to do what i ask of her, there is no more need for force/hitting.
I guess what my point is in working with horses. If a method isnt working toss it out,move on to the next thing..maybe that next step/method will be the one your horse needs. Like said before education,training,lessons! Its easier going through life as a student and allowing yourself to learn more and new things then letting your ego get in your way. It will only hold you back...

I most def. agree that there is a time to get out when you cant handle a horse. I think if I would of sold gypsy and gotten an easier mount. I wouldnt of learned as much as I did and also I wouldnt of looked for that other alternative in Liberty training (which is becoming my passion in horses). If Gypsy was ever up for sale you'd know I was dead! IMO Gypsy and I kinda had that fairy tale ending, it wasnt pretty getting there but the end result is fantastic.
 
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