Men are just happy people - The Horse Forum
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  • 17 Post By rmissildine
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post #1 of 10 Old 03-22-2019, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
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Men are just happy people

This was sent to me by one of my very dear friends and brother Navy Chief.
I hope you all enjoy it, and don't come down to hard on me.
Help me out guys!!!!


This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People !

What do you expect from such simple creatures ? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier !

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2for a $1item he needs.
A woman will pay $1for a $2item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone,
read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing !

The silent communication with horses. A trust that can't be bought, earned, or convinced, you are either their kind or your not..
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post #2 of 10 Old 03-22-2019, 08:54 PM
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Thank you, Roger, for the morning laugh at our house this morning!

Here's something a friend sent me on the topic:


Also, a few decades ago, blonde jokes were really popular especially amongst young men here. So here's the response joke that developed:

Why are blonde jokes so short? - So men can remember them


SueC is time travelling.
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post #3 of 10 Old 03-22-2019, 09:31 PM
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It is well known that men are much happier in marriage than women are, statistically speaking. (and I will agree with that).



Yep, it's STILL a man's world, even after they will try to make you think differently.





Enjoy, my brothers!
RegalCharm, SueC and knightrider like this.
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post #4 of 10 Old 03-22-2019, 10:13 PM
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Man: "I need you to help me with a band-aid."

Me (looking at the injury in horror): "No.... a band-aid isn't going work."

And I grab my purse and a book because this is going to be a long day and we drive to the ER.

This has happened to me twice.
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post #5 of 10 Old 03-22-2019, 10:16 PM
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LOL those are pretty funny. I needed a good laugh!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ride more, worry less.
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post #6 of 10 Old 03-23-2019, 08:11 PM
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Now, Roger, a slightly different take on happy men: Grumpy men! I'm not sure how many BBC documentaries you see in the US, but this here show, interviewing men 35+ from public life, is one of our favourites at our house to re-watch, in part because we agree with a lot of the grumps of these Grumpy Old Men:


The narrator was over 80 at the time this was made, and is now in his 90s!

SueC is time travelling.
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post #7 of 10 Old 03-23-2019, 09:10 PM
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Who wants to go and do this? I will make reservations for you but I don't jump




I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur
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post #8 of 10 Old 03-23-2019, 09:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLulu View Post
Man: "I need you to help me with a band-aid."

Me (looking at the injury in horror): "No.... a band-aid isn't going work."

And I grab my purse and a book because this is going to be a long day and we drive to the ER.

This has happened to me twice.

Me: let me grab some suture
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post #9 of 10 Old 03-31-2019, 06:47 PM
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@SwissMiss , this opened a little drawer in my memory. When I was in my 20s I had a colleague who was an art teacher, who had a glorious set of dreadlocks sweeping past his shoulders, which was like a complicated bird's nest on top of his head. He's the guy I lost my fake but ultra-realistic Huntsman spider to after putting it in his coffee cup, hee hee, having tricked quite a few people before him. He told lots of funny stories, like when his classes did clay sculpture and the inevitable der-brain kid (one in every class) sculpted a bong ostentatiously and said to him, "Do you know what this is, sir?" Classical projection - lack of neurons assumes the same condition in others. Anyway, he'd never stop them making their bongs, or comment, he'd just drop them on the kiln floor after firing was complete, put the shards in a little tray, return the student work the following session, and chide the bong-maker for not rolling their clay properly, "Look, it exploded, you've got to take more care when working with clay!" Bwahahaha.

Anyway, this colleague, one weekend, cut his thigh badly on some sheet metal. He told us later that it was late at night, the hospital was a fair distance away, so the DIY urge kicked in. Consequently, he got a bottle of whisky, drank a fair amount of it, poured some on a bit of fishing line, and then proceeded to suture the cut with that. A couple of days later, he had a rip-roaring infection and needed antibiotics...

SueC is time travelling.
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post #10 of 10 Old 04-09-2019, 07:07 AM
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FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


This one has me thinking.....
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For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
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