, thanks dreamie. that makes me feel better. my former cohorts made me feel extremely guilty for getting off and being weak. It's nice to know I can now.
I am so frustrated and angry I could spit. I don't know who I am madder at, myself or Tyra. Today was just a total clustercluck of crud. I think the reason she is being so difficult is she is in heat. She's been kicking out her back leg a lot when she's standing, and that's a symptom that her hind end is a bit sore. I know these signs, I also know when it's a colic kick vs. an ulcer kick vs. a heat kick.
This horse is probably the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to me. I was going to write a post today about my stall cleaning, but I'm in a mood and upset so I will write about our ride today. Getting to ride my friend's "problem child" of a mare really made me see what end of the scale tyra is. If Missy is considered "hard" by most standards and difficult to train, Tyra must be near impossible. Missy was a BREEZE. This mare's version of intimidation is to throw her head up and trot very fast, but the minute you ask for collection it's a short conversation. This mare can EASILY be kicked and bullied into submission - not that I was, I was just noticing this. it took very little effort on my part to get her into an engaged jog. Missy threw a few threatening buck humps but sending her forward ended the conversation like that. With tyra, going forward only encourages MORE problems. It's like all the doors are closed, you will listen to what she says or you are quickly ejected from her back.
Riding Tyra is a privilege, not a right, and you must earn your badge and place in her "good book." As bizarre as it sounds, I swear to you it's the truth. If missy, a horse who i'd never been on, gave me a "fight" and gave me allowance into her horsey mind just like that? What does that say about Tyra?
It almost makes me want to cry, because of how much I have to grovel and beg and plead with her just to get her to do basic riding maneuvers for me. Walk to trot? Maybe. But if she suspects you are in any kind of "do it or else" mind set, she won't trot. Use the dressage whip? "Oh, you wanted a trot? OK. Let me show you how the standardbreds do it. Oh, is this too fast for you? Well you wanted a trot. Ok then, if you're done... BYE BYE!" and she will promptly explode into a bucking fit. and I mean EXPLODE. You have no time to disengage any body part. It's ride her into a wall or hang on and wait for her to stop. If you're lucky, she won't twist and REALLY get you off.
I have done every single ulcer treatment. Saddle fit. EVERYTHING. Once you can prove to her your intentions are not harmful, she will allow you GRACIOUSLY into her life.
She is the most opinionated, trust-forsaken, emotionally injured and damaged horse I have ever, ever had the pleasure/mispleasure of encountering.
I'll never give up on her. I know at this point most would sell her on. But I LOVE her. I love her so, so much.
And I have come too far to throw in the towel now.
So I will wait. And I will stay. And as I write this I am crying because I can only hope one day, she opens her eyes and sees I'm still here. After everyone else has left her and let her down, I'm still here.
And I'll always be here, to take care of her and feed her and treat her injuries. I'm never going to abuse her or hurt her. I wish this horse could talk, because I am sure there is a lot she could say, a lot we are better off not knowing.
I feel like mustangs on the wild range find trust in humans quicker than this horse has. I am so sorry, Tyra, that humans have let you down. But this human isn't. One day when i am a rich woman I will build a barn in her honor, with a beautiful and cozy stall leading to the most gorgeous pasture she's ever witnessed.
I have trust issues too, and I know how hard it is to let go and open your heart again. I love her with every fiber of my being and I show her every day. Little by little I am chipping away at the stone that has become her soul.
Hopefully will have better news to report tomorrow.