I've abandoned this journal, but not my journey, so I am coming back to it. I really like to write about my trial and errors as well as my successes. And, maybe, just maybe, some young inspiring horse man or woman will stumble across my journal and benefit from it.
OK, so my last post was from July of 2018. I had no idea what I was doing back then. I THOUGHT I knew how to achieve a proper headset. Denari only broke at the poll, and not even consistently at that. Thankfully my trainer stepped in and got her on the right track. It took me a really long time to truly understand that a pretty headset comes from a soft horse that is using their hindquarters. And, even a year later, I still struggle with it sometimes. I still want to use my hands too much. I have to remind myself to use my legs to encourage the horse to lift its back up and push with their hind end and not hang on to the horses mouth. Ugh, I hope someday this will be a subconscious thing for me!
Denari got 4th at the 2 yr old challenge, by the way. We had some tough competition and she was absolutely spectacular. Even though we didn't get champion or reserve champion I was happy with how we did. Personal bests by far. And, I know what to expect for the challenge this year.
I stuck with my internship for a year and two months. I was out there between 20-25 hours a week. It took a lot of dedication, especially for me, who hates mornings. My trainer moved away so I am currently without an internship. I found someone to mentor me but my husband won't let me resume (because it takes so much time) until we get a handle on some debt and bills. I'm trying to be reasonable about it, but it's hard.
I do have a horse I am training right now. It's a friends horse. I don't feel comfortable advertising training right now... being a professional trainer is my ultimate goal but I don't have the experience for it yet.
I included pics of Rusty. He didn't lope, turn, trot, do anything really when I got him. The extent of his training was following other horses around on the trail for 8 years. I think he had quite a bit of miles on him in that sense, but no real knowledge of anything. He is extremely intelligent, though, so he's learning very quickly.
To be brutally honest... I did not feel great when my internship came to an end. Not really. Yes, I had improved a lot. Yes, I had some things to be proud of. Yes, I worked very hard and was proud of my dedication. But I lacked real confidence. I was still afraid I was not cut out to be a trainer. That I didn't have the talent for it.
But working with Rusty has been a real game changer. He is doing so well so far. So far his owner is tickled with his progress. I am starting to finally feel like I can do this. That I am good rider, trainer. That, while I have so much more to learn, I do have a lot to offer. And honestly, even writing those sentences wasn't easy. Publishing them terrifies me a little. Lol. But working with him, bringing together all I have learned in the past year, has given me some confidence. Working with someone else's horse without the assistance of someone more experienced has forced me to do what I haven't had to do yet. Be thorough, and apply what I've learned. No one is coming in behind me to finish up the stuff I didn't want to do. *I* have to do it. Nobody is coming behind me to fix the hard stuff I don't want to do. I have to do it. It's making me really apply myself. I wish I had that drive when I was working under someone, but I didn't. I guess I have always been a "Where the Rubber Meets the Road" kind of girl. Which is good and bad.
Anyway, I am still slightly terrified that Rustys owner won't be happy with his progress after 30 days. She is very happy so far but we're two weeks in and she's only seen videos. And I have no reason to be worried.. he is doing so well.. but I am paranoid. My husband has given me the term "NegaNoid" (Negative paranoid). That's just how I am. It's not anything to do with horses. I am just an anxious person overall. I'm getting there though. Rusty killed it yesterday. Awesome ride.
I will write in here periodically. I have less to share now that my internship is over and I can't resume another right away, but I'll continue to share my progress. It's a dream I just won't give up on.
Always stay humble and kind