It is not too much for her.
Cause right now, I just cant do the whole bridling process with her, its too much to ask for from her. Thats why I feel I need to break it down and get her to stand quiet with just even having the bit within her sight.
It may, perhaps, be too much for you. But please stop using your horse's age as an excuse for anything. She is old enough and mature enough to handle anything you might ask of her.
I'm sorry, but it's crap that a 4 year old horse is 'too young' to stand tied for extended periods of time or have a bridle put on her or any of this. If she can't handle this stuff, how can you expect her to handle carrying a rider around?
The snaffle bit futurity is going on right now -- That's 300-400 THREE year old horses in Reno, showing at a very high level of competition, cutting, reining, and fence work (very fast, demanding cow work). Now many people may argue that their bodies aren't mature enough to take the demands of such high level performance, but their minds can certainly handle it. You wouldn't bring a horse to such a big event, if they couldn't handle mentally... you'd never be able to get it shown and it would be a waste of thousands of dollars in entry fees and travel costs.
Your horse IS old enough and mature enough to handle everything you've tried to do with her. You have not yet asked her to do anything difficult. The things you are trying to get her to do are things that a 2 year old, just started colt, can handle. Her training may be subpar, I'm not really convinced that she's even really broke, but that's a result of people dropping the ball with her, not the horse's mental capacitiy.
As long as you go around thinking that she can't handle stuff, she won't. And you'll never make her. If you want a broke horse, you've got to treat her like a broke horse.
The other part of the problem is you don't stick with any method long enough for it to work. One day you were talking about holding the bridle over her poll, as many of us suggested, now you're back to holding it under her chin. You need to pick a method and stick with it long enough to see results, instead of changing your mind constantly, confusing yourself and your horse.