But where exactly did I get into her space and over stay my welcome? I dont see it.
What I mean by "you in her space" is that when you walk up to a loose horse, you are walking into their space. When they walk up to you, and you allow the approach, they are coming into yours. It's not "in her space" in a bad way it's just differentiating you going up to her or her coming up to you. Either way, you have mutually allowed the other in your personal space. When I say "over stayed your welcome" means she's had enough and wants to leave. When a horse is unhaltered, then it's really their decision not yours. I liken it to someone coming into my living room, when I've had enough of them I either leave or tell them to leave. I'm "unhaltered". At work, I can't just walk away from my desk, I have to stay and do what's expected. I'm "haltered and on a lead".
I still believe that if any horse is invited in my space, they dont purposely bump into me. She didnt bump me hard, just a small bump.
What I saw on the video was just a brush, not a bump. Semantics again, to me she brushed past you in a not disrespectful way. If she bumped you, I would expect you to have been knocked back a little or a lot depending on the force.
Now what if she did this while being on a lead? Would you still be okay with it?
No, I would not, because when she's on the lead it's up to ME to tell her where to go, how far and how fast. When I'm working with a horse and introducing new things, I have them haltered and on a lead line or lunge line. Every new thing is scary and their first instinct is to leave. I frequently say, "Nope, you're not allowed to leave. You can stand and look and sniff, but you have to stay with me." We're working then, not "in the horse's living room" just grooming and playing.
My trainer doesnt even let her sniff my hand when shes on a lead. She will back her up. How do you feel about that?
I'm not quite that strict. If your horse has a history of being a mean biter, then I'd probably not allow it either because that kind of horse gets an inch and wants to take an ell. A horse that gives a quick sniff, kind of to make sure it's really you, doesn't bother me. A horse that wants to "sniff search" me, like for treats, is not allowed to do that.
Ok but if you let a horse groom you doesnt that increase the chance of getting bit?
Yes and No. Yes if you let them just groom you back where ever and whenever they please. No if you give them the flat of your palm with all fingers and thumb close together and straight, they just get the flat of your palm. If they only have your flat palm, you may feel teeth at first because they use teeth on each other. If you take your hand away and say, "No Teeth", then they get it after awhile and just use the upper lip. It's up to you if you want to allow it or not.
Like Drafty said, I allow certain little transgressions with some of my horses (note not ALL) because I've had them since they were babies and I've raised them my way.
I KNOW that I'm not going to get bit or kicked because when they were babies, they got schooled HARD the first, and HARDER if there was a 2nd, time they offered to bite or kick.
I was working with Ducati the other day, he's a BIG yearling, and we were working on giving his shoulders when I asked. He wasn't getting it and I reached out and stuck a thumb nail into his barrel right behind his shoulder, about where a girth would be, and he whipped his head around and offered to bite because he didn't like it. That's the first time in almost 2 years he's offered to bite and he got very strongly corrected and worked harder on yielding his shoulders until he got very good about moving when I said so. I doubt he'll ever try to bite me again. I won't approach him like I expect him to bite, I will expect him NOT to, but I'm always watching their body language and looking for the signs that they're getting upset, unhappy or uncomfortable.
When you get more comfortable reading your horse's body language and ears, you'll learn what ticks her off, when she's just listening or watching you and when she really is being disrespectful. That takes a lot of practice and just studying how your horse acts and reacts to things. Five years from now, if you still have a horse, I would expect you to handle her much differently than you are today.