Feeling so demoralised.... - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 12:15 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CT USA an English transplant
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Originally Posted by WildestDandelion View Post
@jaydee this made me tear up!
And that's what makes this forum so great.

It takes a horse lover to understand how another horse lover feels!

Just winging it is not a plan
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post #12 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 12:17 PM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Southern Indiana
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Can't add to what others have already said but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Your family member's diagnosis is a horrible thing to deal with all on it's own (prayers for that) so maybe put decisions regarding Katie on the back burner for a while.

R.I.P. JC 5/19/85 - 12/9/14. You made my life better.
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post #13 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 12:18 PM
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I feel so bad you are this upset with news of family and your horse addiction so frustrating..
I hear your frustration, your endless worry and feeling of inadequate with regard to Katie...
You know what...when you bought Katie you rode her...nearly all the time by yourself.
You were so proud of what you were building on, accomplishing and doing with her, together.
Your rides might not of been great, earth-shattering fantastic, but it was you and her learning together.
Now, you are told a bunch of platitudes as others take and ride your horse that you pay all the bills on, maintain so others can reap benefits of....
You hand over the reins to strangers who are/were supposed to in return work with you to become a better rider with Katie, aka lessons that never materialized.
Katie I bet is a point & shoot ride over fences...she loves to jump, stay out of her way, give her rein, get off her back and go!! Learn to rate her powerful canter/gallop as she lands is what you need to do..
Doing this all for Katie sounds like a line you've been fed by the barn so much you now believe it yourself...
Katie would be happy living in a field as long as she could stuff her face and do nothing, just like any other horse. You know that, you do.
You need to make some decisions about how much more walking on you are willing to take before you take back your horse, stop the "allowed" rides and you get to the barn 4+ days a week and ride your horse for 20 minutes minimum at a fast trot to burn some energy, stretch those legs and exercise...the more you ride and spend time with your horse the more she will know you.
Think about it..who rides her more, where is she more, who just hangs out with her doing mundane boring things like grooming...not you.
You are told she is better here doing this, away from you , and only this person ever handles her or rides her....sure of that?
It's what you are told,..but is it fact?

I see, I hear and I've worked the industry and know the lines told to owners of nice animals the riding establishment wants to use but can't afford to or won't buy their own...so you get you and Katie and much misery.
I think you are about at the breaking point...a bit more push and you will put your foot down and take back your horse.
I'm not in favor, never have been of having such a nice horse on a schooling line for staff???
What the heck is that??? You are being used and played with...period.
This place does hack rides and uses your horse for them, supposedly only for staff...whether for a guide as you are told or who is astride is the question..
No more...
You dedicate to ride Katie...

Go get your horse back.
Commit your life to going to the barn 5 days a week to ride and do mundane things with your horse.
She will still have t/o, just not endless days of it at another facility where you don't see what is going on, not see who rides, not see who uses, not see nor know the facts...only what is spoon fed to you.
Yea, no.
I've been around to long to not know what really happens...
Don't care what country you reside in...sneaks who can get away with as much as possible exist everywhere when owners are lenient, easy-going, not around and take a line presented as gospel fact.
Time you put your foot in the stirrup and go ride your horse, for you and for Katie.
Go learn together, get back your confidence together...
If it means you pull out of this barn and go farther away...well, that is what that thing called a car is for.
There are other barns just as nice or nicer who will take wonderful care of her. Fact.
Get a facility with a indoor arena or lit ring for night riding year round regardless of weather and go ride.
Go get some horse therapy...so far you spend, spend and spend and reap so little pleasure from it...it isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to Katie either.
I also have a good memory and remember the issues of lameness, injury, bugs and such that took place in a place that so takes great, exemplary care of her...

Now some hugs for you and support when so upset.
I am sorry for you being in this position.
But the remedy is positive actions and the first is...
Katie is yours to ride and care for. No more does she get used by others as done.
Horse therapy is good for what ails the soul and body, really it is.

The worst day is instantly better when shared with my horse.....
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post #14 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 12:23 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NW Oregon
Posts: 3,195
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Bummer of a situation here. It sounds like everyone else is getting to enjoy your horse but you.
From all you have said it appears that Katie could be considered part of the "staff" there. It certainly would be nice if you and Katie could be considered, at least occasionally, for these lessons.

Hopefully these issues can be resolved and you can spend more time with Katie. She sounds like a wonderful girl.
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If you ever find yourself in a fair fight, it's because your tactics suck. ~ Marine 1SGT J. Reifinger
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post #15 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 12:53 PM
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southeast
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Have to agree with @horselovinguy here, go take back your horse.

Remember the early days, go enjoy your horse. Start small if you need to. Go out everyday and brush her. Then mount her, then walk around, then trot, etc.

Work your way back up. Be selfish for YOU! Katie is your horse, and you need to be the one enjoying her.

Maybe time to find a new place. I realize it is hard, but you need to come first!

What if something happens to her or this person that is enjoying her at your expense? Would they kick you out to make room for another horse they can use up?

Please put yourself first.
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post #16 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 01:37 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Ontario Canada
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I agree it is a bummer of a situation, I read your post this morning and then thought about it and what to do about it, then read it again just now.

I don't live in England but can understand the difficulties of riding out alone in densely populated areas so it's difficult for you to hack alone. I also can see that keeping a horse in this area can be extremely expensive.

The thoughts and solutions I have come up with you probably won't like, heck I don't even like them myself. But in your situation other people are riding your horse and you are only riding occasionally.
Maybe it's time to consider selling her (ouch for saying this) and then with the money you save on boarding fees etc. you could put this to lessons, and if the stable would be interested in buying her, you could take lessons on her, and I know that places in England have what they call Pony Treckking (sp?)where you travel on horseback to different areas, some overnight or for a few days.
Maybe you could look into this and spend weekends doing something like that and get out for some great rides and meet lots of others that enjoy the same thing.
This might be something you could do for now and when the timing is better think about horse ownership again.

I know you love your Katie and this would be a tough decision for you but unless you get some price decrease with others riding Katie and some help from staff about going out for hacks you will continue to be frustrated.

All the best and be strong and positive.

Last edited by Woodhaven; 12-05-2019 at 01:49 PM.
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post #17 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 02:10 PM
Join Date: Sep 2014
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I totally relate to your feelings. I’ve moved boarding barns multiple times because I haven’t had anyone to ride with. I’m happy to ride independently, but horses are also in my mind a social activity, and I like having people to chat with while tacking up or riding.

I also have shared my horse with barn staff for free, I couldn’t tell you how many times I came to the barn to ride and found him currently being ridden since nobody ever told me when they were going to ride. Same with a lady that had been leasing him, no communication about when she planned to ride until after she had put him away.

Not only was it inconvenient driving 20 minutes to the barn and being unable to use my horse, but they also took liberties I would never have allowed if they had asked permission. My horse was often sore from I’ll fitting tack or bareback jumping. People were letting their friends ride without asking. One of those people contacted me asking to purchase him when I never knew they had ever ridden him.

After a conversation with my farrier I put an end to anyone riding him except for me. Why am I paying so much in board and other fees for other people to ruin my horse?

Horses don’t care if they have a job or get exercised. Hawk is happier being worked 3 days a week and having the rest of his time in his pasture or stable eating. He maintains enough fitness playing in the pasture for me to hack around on my days off.

If you can move her to another stable I would. Find one where you can take lessons and have a “barn family”. I don’t like confrontation, and lots of horse people have problems respecting boundaries (IMO) and will do things behind your back (Like continuing to ride her). She’s your horse, you pay a lot of money for her. You should be the one riding her and enjoying her.
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post #18 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 04:55 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: MD
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First, I'm sorry you feel this way & you are going through this. We are all here for you, as you know. It's totally okay to rant & it's better to let things out, rather than to bottle everything up. Trust me.

Katie is your horse. Not theirs. You should definitely enjoy her as much as you can. Take a step back, I agree...just go and groom her even if you only stay for like 10-15mins. It's something. Don't ever feel like you are competing with Jess. It is YOUR horse. Not hers. You aren't obligated to sell her either.

I'd start looking for a new place. It doesn't hurt to try. In the meantime, maybe Jess can ride a different horse, & you can ride YOUR horse...& go for a nice hack.

I feel like this situation is temporary. It won't be forever. Try to stay positive. I know right now it probably feels impossible, but your horse can actually be your therapist, believe it or not. They really are the best therapy. My horse has really gotten me through some rough times. Not even just riding - grooming her, spending time with her...all it took.

I don't want this place to take advantage (which they very well may be, it's not uncommon) of you/your horse. Definitely start looking for a new place if you can.
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Ride more, worry less.
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post #19 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 06:18 PM
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,220
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So many good responses already, but I wanted to add my support. We all care about you and what you're going through so vent away! I can't even begin to understand what it's like to have a horse in the middle of a big city.

You have a family member with a terminal illness. Maybe spending more time with Katie right now is not possible. But if and when it is again, go spend time with your horse. You should ALWAYS have priority. It's not being selfish, it's standing up for yourself.

Also remember that this is temporary. Hang in there a while longer and things may just open up for you again.

Either way, we are here for you.
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post #20 of 42 Old 12-05-2019, 07:23 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 3,917
• Horses: 3
I'm sorry things aren't looking great at this time. Deal with your family member now-- that's your first priority. If that may be a long battle with no time for Katie, maybe the barn would lease her from you for awhile, and you can revisit the situation later down the road. From all the use they are getting from her, you should be paying next to nothing in board.... if that's not the case and you want to keep her, I'd switch barns, even if it means she isn't ridden much for awhile. Maybe somewhere farther outside the city with turnout where she can just 'be a horse' while you spend time with your family? If you can afford to board her and not make any rash decisions now with your added stress, do so. If you can't, there's no shame in selling her until your situation improves. Life happens.

Either way, you and your family are in our thoughts.
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