I think that you already know the answer but would like to hear someone else say it. I apologize in advance because this post is going to be rather blunt, possibly borderline rude. I do not mean for it to be that way, but I am passionate about horses, as are you. The situation that you are in is a dangerous one, no doubt. I would hate for you to get hurt (an event that can kill a great, life-long passion) or worse. I would also hate for this filly to get put down for simply acting like a horse. This is not a good situation, for both parties.
I've never worked with horses, had one or have ridden one, but I have been learning about them and wanting riding lessons for a few years now. But around a few months/weeks my uncle, a horse person, convinced my dad to buy me a green, unbroken, 2 y/o filly (bad idea, I know). My dad isn't really a horse person either.
The first few days she was kind of shy around us, but eventually she trusted me more and more. I was the one who did all the care stuff for her. Then she would follow me around and everything was good and I thought I had a pretty good bond with her.
While it is good that she became more trusting around you, horses do not think in terms of "care". Horses do not care that you care for them. Horses care whether you are higher or lower.
A few weeks later, I was next to her just fine, and when my dad walked up to her, she tried to kick him. And then another family member told us he had tried to pet her and she pinned her ears and tried to bite. She pinned her ears whenever my dad got too close, and she did the same with my mom.
Everything good, I kept her for a while. But then yesterday, I walked up to her and she pinned her ears at me. I left. I took her out in the afternoon for grooming. Everything was going well, she was relaxed, I was almost done. When I groomed her on the neck she pinned her ears and tried to bite my arm.
If she got release for ear pinning, biting, or kicking, she learns that that is the right answer. Horses do best what they do most. The longer she gets away with those behaviors, the more likely they will turn into habits - habits that will be hard to break.
Whenever my uncle got in between me and her, she would try to kick him or pin her ears at him.
That's not good, affectionate, "I love you" behavior; that is bad, possessive, "I own you" behavior.
Until one afternoon she was following me around, but she pinned her ears and tried to bite me. I turned around and she gave me her back and tried to kick. I was thinking about selling her, all day and night. We decided to keep her and soon getting her trained. My uncle told me to keep her, and that she wouldn't try to hurt me.
Horses are horses. That is the only thing they know how to be, and that is only way they know how to communicate. Whether or not horses think in terms of "I want
to hurt someone" is debatable, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that they can
hurt someone, especially the inexperienced.
Again, horses do best what they do most. Horses are (usually) a refection of how they are treated. Broke horses usually don't stay dead-broke with inexperienced people. Yes, she needs training, but so do you, as well as your family, if they intend to interact with horses.
I love her, but Im thinking about selling her because I dont want me or anyone getting hurt, or her being put down. I talked with my parents about getting riding lessons & selling her to someone who is more experienced and can manage and care for her. It breaks my heart because I love her, I really do, but its the best for her. I feel terrible for my dad too, he hasn't been getting sleep & has been feeling incredibly guilty.
Again, I think you already know what must be done. Unfortunately, you cannot love a horse into being a well-trained, safe, trustworthy companion, which is the type of horse an inexperienced person needs. I think it would be best to sell her and take lessons on a well-trained horse.
Best of luck.
Please stay safe and keep us updated.