Having a difficult time in the horse community - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 11:27 AM
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Location: I'm an American girl living in southwest France
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Not to speak ill of barn owners (heck, I am one now), but I have found many of them to be...how shall I say this...not the best people people. And some not the best horse people either. Moving barns will probably fix these problems but you'll also find new ones. It's the way of the world. My suggestion is to find a trainer who you respect and like to teach you. Find a horsey friend or two who's as nuts as you are about horses and hang out with them. And visit here and read and chat with other like-minded horse people. Sometimes we don't land in the best of worlds, so it's up to us to create the worlds we want to live in instead. Good luck!
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post #12 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 11:50 AM
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Location: Texas
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End the lease and find a new barn.

Do NOT focus on your "bond" with that horse - the situation is not in your best interest. You can and will bond with another horse in the future.

Research trainers who work with adult beginners. Do NOT jump into a lease or purchase - riding a variety of horses when you are first learning will make you a better riding in the long run! Plus you'll learn what kind of horse you truly want and enjoy, so your first horse purchase will be smoother.

~Reserved Cash, 2011 AQHA gelding~
~Lark, 20-something Arabian mare~
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post #13 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 12:46 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NW Oregon
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My advice is get out of where you are, find an instructor who can teach, and ride as many school horses as you can.
I would ask if you can monitor a lesson or two so you can observe the instructor's style. Be up front about the issues you have had and what your goals are. I'd stay away from a lease right now and keep out of barn drama. I have had horses for, well, decades. My experience has been that the most knowledgeable people are usually willing to give constructive advice. It's the people with a little bit of knowledgeable you have to watch out for!
Never compare your progress with someone else.
I have a great deal of admiration for those in the vet profession. Not only do they have to deal with a sick or injured animal but they also have to deal with a concerned owner. Diagnosis is not always pleasant.
Wishing you success.
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If you ever find yourself in a fair fight, it's because your tactics suck. ~ Marine 1SGT J. Reifinger
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post #14 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 02:05 PM
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Join Date: May 2014
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Just to throw a bit of light on people at your barn not being forthcoming with help: they might be weary of taking on too much responsibility for a novice. Around here we don't even have a litigatious mentality but I still don't feel comfortable giving other people advice, even for simple things. If a see a riding school kid struggling to remove a horse of a grass patch I rather take the horse myself than give advice. If anything had to happen to that kid (or an adult, same thing) I'd feel terrible.

I also agree with everyone else - find a new barn and take lessons. The right environment and people will make an enormous difference.

It is a bit different in your case because you, as a future vet, need to learn much more than just riding (which isn't even necessary for an equine vet, looking at the size of my vet I don't think he rides) so you might find other avenues of learning general horsemanship. One thing that comes to mind is volunteering at a hypotherapy facility in addition to lessons.
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post #15 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 04:38 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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When I was a teenager, I used to think there were a lot of people in the horse industry that were snooty, selfish, and downright condescending. I figured it was just the horse community, but as I grew older, I realized much of the world is like that and the horse community isn't exempt.

I took lessons, boarded, leased, etc. at probably 3-4 different stables from the time I was 14-21. During that time I never felt like I fit in anywhere. My confidence got so bad, that I almost wanted to give up on horses altogether.

In the last year, I've been blessed to find a stable and people who aren't like that. I love riding more than ever, and I have confidence I never thought I would have. I would just encourage you to keep searching until you find those people. It may be where you least expect it.
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Always stay humble and kind
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post #16 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 05:26 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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We had a verbal agreement that I would do work around the ranch in return for one or two lessons a week. She overloads her schedule with all these riding students and training other people's horses so she kind of just stopped giving me lessons all together. And because she's a horse trainer/instructor, she does not want me hiring anyone else to train me on her property (I respect that--it's her house, her rules). I think taking lessons elsewhere and continuing my lease isn't a bad idea.

My biggest issue is the way she handles things. She's impatient and very rowdy with her energy. Her style of training is,"I'll only ask the horse to do something once and if it doesn't do it within 3 seconds, I'll MAKE IT do what I asked it to." They are older and mildly arthritic so I understand that it takes them some time to get warmed up. Once they do get warmed up, they are fine. She scolds me for being patient and tells me they are not listening to me and I am causing problems. They do not seem to respect her at all and they try to get away from her when she approaches them. She doesn't realize that her energy level needs to be toned down like 20 notches. Especially with the gelding who is very emotionally sensitive. She busts into his stall with her arms waving around and I can tell it freaks him out. He will charge at her and she'll turn around and tell me that I ruined him. He has not exhibited this behavior until recently when she started working with him a little bit.

But again, since I don't know how to handle my gelding when he charges at me for no reason, I don't have anyone else to ask for help besides my BM who may have caused the issue in the first place. I've been watching lots of videos lately and trying new things and he's back to being the well-behaved angel he was. These poor horses haven't gotten attention until I came along and began my lease. They really are special to me and I'm still torn trying to decide if I should stay or go. I just know if I leave, nobody will clean their stall, groom them, exercise them, or give them any attention due to my BM's busy schedule at her boarding facility (which is located somewhere else away from her personal ranch). It's a tough situation.
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post #17 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 05:31 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shegoesbyjenna View Post
We had a verbal agreement that I would do work around the ranch in return for one or two lessons a week. She overloads her schedule with all these riding students and training other people's horses so she kind of just stopped giving me lessons all together. And because she's a horse trainer/instructor, she does not want me hiring anyone else to train me on her property (I respect that--it's her house, her rules). I think taking lessons elsewhere and continuing my lease isn't a bad idea.

My biggest issue is the way she handles things. She's impatient and very rowdy with her energy. Her style of training is,"I'll only ask the horse to do something once and if it doesn't do it within 3 seconds, I'll MAKE IT do what I asked it to." They are older and mildly arthritic so I understand that it takes them some time to get warmed up. Once they do get warmed up, they are fine. She scolds me for being patient and tells me they are not listening to me and I am causing problems. They do not seem to respect her at all and they try to get away from her when she approaches them. She doesn't realize that her energy level needs to be toned down like 20 notches. Especially with the gelding who is very emotionally sensitive. She busts into his stall with her arms waving around and I can tell it freaks him out. He will charge at her and she'll turn around and tell me that I ruined him. He has not exhibited this behavior until recently when she started working with him a little bit.

But again, since I don't know how to handle my gelding when he charges at me for no reason, I don't have anyone else to ask for help besides my BM who may have caused the issue in the first place. I've been watching lots of videos lately and trying new things and he's back to being the well-behaved angel he was. These poor horses haven't gotten attention until I came along and began my lease. They really are special to me and I'm still torn trying to decide if I should stay or go. I just know if I leave, nobody will clean their stall, groom them, exercise them, or give them any attention due to my BM's busy schedule at her boarding facility (which is located somewhere else away from her personal ranch). It's a tough situation.
I know it's hard to have this mentality, it has taken me a long time to finally get it down... But you need to say this to yourself.

Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Not my horses, not my barn.

You will need to learn this to be a better vet. Do what you can, but at the end of the day it is the barn managers responsibility to do all of these things. You are graciously helping out and she is taking advantage of you. She knows you have a kind heart and is pulling the strings.

The best teacher is always the horse.
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post #18 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 09:22 PM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern California
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Yes, I agree that she is taking advantage of you.
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post #19 of 24 Old 11-12-2017, 09:54 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Australia
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I'm sorry you've found yourself in such a bad spot :(

Horse people definitely aren't all like that. I just, a month ago, left a wonderful supportive farm where help was always there if you needed it - and wouldn't have left if not for the fact that I can get to the new place every single day, sometimes even twice in a day. (Old farm, I was getting to maybe once a month; horse was cared for but I was throwing money at her and getting no joy in return)

Where I'm at now is a very small place where I'm only sharing with one other boarder (land can only really carry 2 horses so there's only 2 horses on it!) and this place is great too. Fantastic friendly farm owners who are constantly doing stuff to maintain the paddocks, the other boarder and I help each other out as a routine thing, I ride her horse sometimes & she'll ride mine. I love it. And even though it's so small there's other people in the neighbourhood who ride, so there's people to ride with - and awesome trails & a beach really close by too!

You honestly just need to find the right people. These people aren't it.
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post #20 of 24 Old 11-13-2017, 07:31 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: OK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shegoesbyjenna View Post
We had a verbal agreement that I would do work around the ranch in return for one or two lessons a week. She overloads her schedule with all these riding students and training other people's horses so she kind of just stopped giving me lessons all together. And because she's a horse trainer/instructor, she does not want me hiring anyone else to train me on her property (I respect that--it's her house, her rules). I think taking lessons elsewhere and continuing my lease isn't a bad idea.

My biggest issue is the way she handles things. She's impatient and very rowdy with her energy. Her style of training is,"I'll only ask the horse to do something once and if it doesn't do it within 3 seconds, I'll MAKE IT do what I asked it to." They are older and mildly arthritic so I understand that it takes them some time to get warmed up. Once they do get warmed up, they are fine. She scolds me for being patient and tells me they are not listening to me and I am causing problems. They do not seem to respect her at all and they try to get away from her when she approaches them. She doesn't realize that her energy level needs to be toned down like 20 notches. Especially with the gelding who is very emotionally sensitive. She busts into his stall with her arms waving around and I can tell it freaks him out. He will charge at her and she'll turn around and tell me that I ruined him. He has not exhibited this behavior until recently when she started working with him a little bit.

But again, since I don't know how to handle my gelding when he charges at me for no reason, I don't have anyone else to ask for help besides my BM who may have caused the issue in the first place. I've been watching lots of videos lately and trying new things and he's back to being the well-behaved angel he was. These poor horses haven't gotten attention until I came along and began my lease. They really are special to me and I'm still torn trying to decide if I should stay or go. I just know if I leave, nobody will clean their stall, groom them, exercise them, or give them any attention due to my BM's busy schedule at her boarding facility (which is located somewhere else away from her personal ranch). It's a tough situation.
Agree with the idea of developing, Not my horses, Not my barn mentality. You HAVE to do that as a means of self preservation. Yes, it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. No way in hades would I be doing all the work and leasing horses and getting nothing in return. I have 10 horses of my own and they are nothing BUT work. I love the work and the horses but they're mine. No way would I take that on if they weren't. These are your BO's horses, not yours. Her problem, not yours. She will find another sucker to take care of them, clean their stalls (or novel thought, she will actually PAY someone to do the grunt work).

I'm only going to say one thing in the BO's defense, and only because I see this on the forum over and over and over again. You cannot "love these horses better". She may be rowdy, she may be loud and she's been around horses a lot of years and may have learned just one or 2 things on the way. You are a self acknowledged new comer who knows very little. She may be doing a lot of things wrong, or she may not. When she tells you that you have "ruined" her horse you'd better pay attention. If I said that to you, it wouldn't be but one time and I'd be sending you packing. A horse that charges (and I'm taking that as the literal definition of a charging horse, not one who gets into your space a little too enthusiastically) is a very dangerous animal. She has owned these horses a long time and knows what they know and knows when they are "playing" someone and knows when they are balky. I'm very patient with my foals and I can be a very demanding, impatient person with my trained show horses. I know what they know and I know when they are giving me the, "Call my secretary, let's do lunch. I'll get back to you. Sometime." routine. When they've spent the time in training that it takes to become a show horse or a lesson horse, they KNOW what's being asked. And they choose not to do it and they choose to 'work' the new kid on the block. Open your eyes, close your mouth and learn. You can't learn everything by watching stuff on YouTube or we'd all be master trainers.
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