Horse and Farm Advice needed - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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Question Horse and Farm Advice needed

Hello anyone who will read.

I was kinda given a horse by a family member over a year ago, they will tell me he's mine but if anyone else asks I just ride him. In a years time I have tried to work with this horse as much as I could but we have never clicked. I have always been told the horse chooses the rider not vise versa. He will try to throw me every time I have tried to ride him and when I have lunged him he has always tried to get away from me. Yesterday I went to get him to groom him and when I grabbed his halter he tried to rear up. I have mentioned this time and time again to the family members, that we are just not a good match. They just tell me I need to work with him more. They have 10 horses there total including him. They just got two more and I asked about buying one of them from them because she is considered dead broke and everyone has been able to ride her without any problem and I thought I might get a little further with her. She's around 14.5hh tall. I asked my family member if I could buy her from him and he said no she's the best horse he's ever ridden and he's going to keep her for himself. He is way too big for her (in my opinion). He's about 6'4'' and over 200pounds. He also has another horse that I absolutely love but he will not let me buy either of them from him. He doesn't really ever ride, work with them, or pay any attention to them. The other one that's his and I have clicked ever since he got there and they have noticed this. I can ride him and work with him with no problem. I have been paying $50 every two weeks to pay for a run-in barn for the one that's suppose to be mine. I was never asked about getting this barn, I was just told I needed to pay for it. Nothing in writing. I am at my wits end. I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I'm paying $50 for a run in for a horse I can't do anything with. I'm trying to decide if I should just cut my losses and get all of my tack and equipment from there and save my money until I can afford to buy my own horse and pay board to keep him/her somewhere without the extra baggage. Any Advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
Countrygirl21613 is offline  
post #2 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 05:17 PM
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You've answered your own question. You're not having fun, you're not learning but most importantly you're going to get hurt. Take your stuff home and wait for something else to come along that fits your needs and abilities.
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post #3 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 05:26 PM
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Sounds like you answered your own question :) If you don't want the horse, were never asked if you want the horse, and you don't want to pay for the horse's run in, I would just get all your stuff out of there and leave the horse behind. Just tell your family member "thanks, but no thanks on the horse."
JCnGrace and Acadianartist like this.
Linda G is offline  
post #4 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 05:30 PM
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See if I understand what you're saying. A family member has dumped a horse on you that you did not choose. In addition to the responsibility of caring for the horse you have to pay $50 per month for a building you did not choose to house the horse you did not choose.

What happens to the building if you stop paying the $50?

Horses are a lot of work, cost a lot of money, and represent a fair amount of risk. You should be in love with a horse if you are caring for it.

I suspect there are many details of this situation that have so far gone unmentioned.
Joel Reiter is offline  
post #5 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 06:27 PM
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I would definitely move on from here.
Families can be tricky!

They obviously don't have to sell you any of their other horses. But to me sounds like they want you to feel like you 'own' this horse so you'll pay some money.
I would stop paying, use that money for lessons so you can ride and have fun, or save up and find a horse YOU get to choose so you can build a bond and get back to being excited about going to the barn.
I was leasing a horse I didn't click with AT ALL, who is still a great horse, but we didn't work and I felt myself starting to dread going or not wanting to ride. Best thing I did was be honest about it, spoke to the owner etc, now I have a horse I'm obsessed with and you can't keep me away from the barn, sometimes I go twice a day!

I think you know the answer, sometimes we need reassurance! And it's 100% okay to say this horse is not for me, personalities are in them as real as they are in people!
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post #6 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 06:49 PM
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You were given, you did not choose...
You were told, you were not asked about a structure {barn}...
You are unhappy, they tell you deal with it...

So far all I see is you were unloaded on a horse they did not want, you do not want and did not ask for...
You are being "told" how to spend your money...
When you have asked about a horse you do want you are denied and told "No"...
Me, family or not...
I would tell them, no more.
You are giving back the horse they did not want and you don't want. A horse you were told to take...
You will not be "boarding" so will not be paying them any $$.
They are free to do with the "gift" horse what they want....give it away, sell it...in your eyes it was never yours and you have no attachment to the animal.
Let "family" shoulder the burden of finding a home for the animal, a proper home with someone who wants that animal.

For you...
I would remove all your possessions at once before you tell them no more with the gift horse...
Keep all your stuff secured so it not wander away from spite.
Save your money and if serious...now is the time the market is ripe for purchasing.
Go start your search for a horse you "click" with and want...one you will enjoy and have fun with.
A horse you want!
If that means you go elsewhere to board, ride and have fun...so be it.
Family can be good it can also be not so good in dealings such as this...
Horses are a costly hobby...one that should give you pleasure, fun and enjoy.

We can pick our friends...sadly we can't pick our family and that can add grief and problems to our life.
You don't need to be their bankroll. Do what you must to stop the bleed.
jmo...
...

The worst day is instantly better when shared with my horse.....
horselovinguy is online now  
post #7 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 09:05 PM
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Hi, firstly, I do realise there was a tech problem recently, that might be the reason for it, but if you can break up your big block of text with paragraphs please, it makes it a lot easier to read.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Countrygirl21613 View Post
I have tried to work with this horse as much as I could but we have never clicked. I have always been told the horse chooses the rider not vise versa.
I've never been all that big on 'gut feelings' personally. Yes, I believe 'bonding' is important, as I personally want a friendship/partnership with the horses I ride & deal with, but that comes about largely through the effort, understanding, consideration of the human. The onus is not on the horse to meet you half way. You need to make yourself *worth* 'choosing'. I mean this respectfully, I just get the idea you're a young beginner, and no one is born knowing, we have to make an effort to learn about horses & how they think...

Quote:
He will try to throw me every time I have tried to ride him and when I have lunged him he has always tried to get away from me.
You don't mention your experience/skill/knowledge level, but it sounds like you're a relative novice, so I suggest you find a good teacher/trainer, whether that's one you employ or a family/friend who's knowledgeable.

Horses generally buck under saddle due to fear or pain(so certainly rule those out/address them first)... or due to that originally being the case at least, as if it worked to get rid of the discomfort/frightening thing on their back, they will learn to do it again.

You also don't mention whether the horse has been taught to lunge, so especially if you're not sure of what you're doing & neither is he, I'd be working on other basic stuff on the ground & getting that good before attempting to lunge.

Quote:
when I grabbed his halter he tried to rear up. I have mentioned this time and time again to the family members, that we are just not a good match.
How about asking for them to help you, rather than just telling them stuff is wrong? Sounds like you've made up your mind against him though, and his sense of you not liking him will impact on his attitude towards you. He may also 'have your number' as someone that he can do what he likes with. But also to 'grab' at a horse's halter(I realise that may be just manner of speech...) is likely to provoke reactions too.

Quote:
She's around 14.5hh tall. I asked my family member if I could buy her from him and he said no she's the best horse he's ever ridden and he's going to keep her for himself. He is way too big for her
1hh is 4" or 10cm and each point of a hh is 1". Therefore she is maybe 15.1hh. Decent sized horse. Depends how she's built, not just height as to how much she can carry. Whether or not he is too big for her, or whether he works them much/at all is irrelevant though. He won't sell them to you & that's his prerogative.

Quote:
I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I'm paying $50 for a run in for a horse I can't do anything with. I'm trying to decide if I should just cut my losses and get all of my tack and equipment from there and save my money until I can afford to buy my own horse
Sounds like communication may be a big part of the problem. Have you ever tried to sit down & discuss stuff with them?? And if you've asked to buy a horse from them but they know you can't afford it anyway, then...

Sounds like you either need to make the most of what you've got(many that can't afford their own horse would jump at the opportunity you have, for only $25/week), and work towards getting something going with that horse, or yes, quit the arrangement all together & wait until you can afford your own horse.
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post #8 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 09:22 PM
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...And now I've read other's responses... yeah, had that at the back of my mind too, agree it could well be the case, and while it sounds like these 'family members' may not be fantastic horse people either, *might* well be purely taking advantage, I feel that would be purely *assumption*, based on the info we have. I don't feel it's reasonable to make judgement calls on the family, based just on this post. Sounds like she is also allowed to ride another horse there, which she has 'clicked' with too.

But whatever the specifics, OP has *chosen* to accept the arrangements, but is dirty on them about it. Therefore she purely needs to decide whether she wants to continue to accept them or quit doing so.
loosie is offline  
post #9 of 25 Old 05-18-2017, 09:31 PM
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This horse needs more than you can give him. There is no such thing as a horse that chooses the rider, that's story book fantasy, in the real equestrian world, we ride the horse we can handle, if we ride them properly they go where we direct them and do what we ask them to do. A horse that rears while you are about to halter him and you can not correct this, is dangerous, he needs an experienced trainer, not someone who just wants to ride and groom and have a good time. You need a broke horse, and since these relatives don't want to sell you the ones that are but stick you will the one who needs professional training, yes, grab your stuff, stop paying someone else's bills and go have some fun on a broke horse.

I am not here to promote anythingNo, that's not true, I am here to promote everything equestrian and everyone enjoying horses!
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post #10 of 25 Old 05-19-2017, 07:03 AM
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It sounds like you are wanting to know if your gut feelings are legitimate and yes, they are. You've basically had an unsafe horse dumped on you (by a relative no less!!) and have to pay for the privilege. I've always found it shameful that sometimes a relative can cheat you more easily than a stranger on the street. In this case, you are being taken advantage of.

Stop paying them anything at all and walk away. Tell them that the horse is too much for you and you are not interested. Chances are that if this horse is this bad, all the rest of their "collection" have serious holes in their training and this is completely the wrong way to get into horses. We have a couple of families in my area with a collection of 6-10 ruined horses where none can be ridden, let alone handled and the "family" has done this to them.

If you really love horses, I'd strongly suggest spending your money not only on riding lessons, but horsemanship lessons too. That way, later you can pick out your own horse, that you choose with no family obligations.
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