How to say no to sharing? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:18 PM Thread Starter
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How to say no to sharing?

Sooo I just bought a full set of tack today after saving up and trying to find deals for months... And just a couple of weeks ago I bought my first bit (snaffle). Turns out my trainer told the girl that leases my horse that if she buys a leverage bit for her bridle (horse needs one as he gets strong while jumping) we can share both bridles so we dont have to switch out the bits all the time.

Up till now we've had a borrowed bridle and leverage bit, which we shared (came with the horse basically), and we didnt ride in a snaffle, until I decided I needed one because the pony was having lateral issues that were very hard to work on in a leverage bit, so I bought one for ME to use.

The thing is, I worked hard to afford this bridle and bit and reins, and was planning on buying the leverage bit in the near future. Since it is the first time I actually own any of my tack I dont really want to share... is that childish? It would be less of a problem but:

1) I know for a fact she doesnt clean her tack. Ever. Her saddle is all hard and squeaky.
2) My bridle would have my snaffle attached and her bridle (which she already owns but doesnt use cause she doesnt own a bit) would have the jumping bit. Which means my bridle would be used 5 days a week and hers only twice.

This is made even more complicated by the fact that I know that if my bridle is hanging there with the snaffle attached, the grooms will find it easier to just give her mine to ride in rather than swap out a bit on hers, so she'll probably end up using mine for flatwork and hers for jumping ANYWAY, while I would use only mine and swap out the bit. :(

I know this sounds SUPER childish, and petty, and stupid, and I swear I've tried for the past 2 hours to get over it and convince myself that not having to buy another bit is a GOOD thing.. but I just have this knot in my stomach and really dont want to share :(

Any tips on how to solve this? What can I say to her and the grooms to make sure they dont use my stuff for her? Should I just suck it up and share? Any tips on how to do that?
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post #2 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:29 PM
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Is this YOUR horse?

If so, if it were me, when it comes to things like bits and bitless contraptions and saddles and the corrective pad that my horse CAN'T be ridden without, I would want any person I actually trusted enough to be riding/handling my horse to be using the equipment I purchased for that horse! I don't want just any old or new and probably ill fitting saddle tossed on her. I don't want just any bit in her mouth. And she sure as heck NEEDS to be ridden in her (very expensive, it was an investment for me) corrective saddle pad, or she will have atrophied wither muscles again.

The welfare of my horse is the most important thing to me. So being sure that my horse isn't being ridden in just whatever is extremely important.

Now if none of that is of concern or the horse isn't yours, then it sounds like the simplest solution to your problem is for you to bring your bridle/bit home with you, and take it to the barn when you are going to use it. The leaser can buy her own snaffle bridle, or borrow one from the trainer/barn. But if you're going to go that route, you better not use her bridle and leverage bit. Buy your own or borrow.
EliRose, Luce73, JCnGrace and 3 others like this.

"You can do something wrong for thirty years and call yourself experienced, you can do something right for a week and experience more than someone who spent thirty years doing the wrong thing." ~WhattaTroublemaker
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post #3 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:33 PM Thread Starter
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OF COURSE the horse's wellbeing comes first!!

The horse WAS a lease we both shared, but the owner gifted him to me a couple of weeks ago so now he's mine. The other girl does have her own equipment (bridle saddle etc) which has been and will be used on the horse either way.

The difference is that if I dont share we'll have to swap out a snaffle for a leverage bit on each of our bridles when we want to jump him (she buys both a snaffle and a leverage, I buy a leverage, and we each have our own set).

And if I do share, her bridle will have a leverage bit and mine a snaffle, and we'll both use both (she buys a leverage bit, and uses my snaffle and bridle for schooling, and I use her leverage bit and bridle for jumping).
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post #4 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce73 View Post
Her saddle is all hard and squeaky.
This would worry me the most - especially now that you own the horse.
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post #5 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:38 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fimargue View Post
This would worry me the most - especially now that you own the horse.
You're right, maybe I should change the question to how to explain to someone they need to keep their tack clean and well-maintained without sounding rude or condescending.. (not sarcastic, being serious)
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post #6 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:42 PM
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Sounds like there's other issues that might need discussed? When he was gifted to you, was it discussed between previous owner and you two leasers whether or not the other girl's lease would be continued after you took ownership? Do you want her leasing your horse?

That aside, if you don't want to share, buy a second bridle and a leverage bit. One of your bridles will then have a snaffle, the other a leverage, and no need to switch out bits. Of course, then you might also want to have two sets of reins. I noticed that you are in Argentina, so might not have as many options as I personally am used to, but surely there are cheap bridles or second hand bridles that you could buy?

OR, if you were to change your mind about sharing, you could put a leverage bit on your bridle and a snaffle on hers, so that your bridle would be the one being used less often. And you can always clean your own tack. I do mine, I wouldn't really think of asking someone else because I can be very particular and don't have confidence they can do it to my standards. My philosophy "if you want something done right, do it yourself!"

"You can do something wrong for thirty years and call yourself experienced, you can do something right for a week and experience more than someone who spent thirty years doing the wrong thing." ~WhattaTroublemaker
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post #7 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:47 PM
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There is nothing saying you have to share something you have purchased for your horse, for your personal usage. You can be polite and firm at the same time, and in shared-horse situations, you sometimes need to enforce boundaries in regards to your stuff. Maybe a polite note to your trainer would help.

“Hi Trainer, I just wanted to let you know that the tack I have purchased for Horse is going to be for my personal use only, and I would prefer if others didn’t use it without my permission. I think if Leaser would like to keep on using the borrowed bridle, maybe she can talk to the owner about buying it. Otherwise, I’d be happy to keep a lookout for one she can purchase.”

You don’t have to explain your reasoning. It’s yours, you bought it with your money, and “No” is a complete sentence. Just in case, I would probably put it in a LOCKED tack trunk so less-than-honest fingers can’t get ahold of it when you are not there. Your trainer probably made the assumption that since you bought tack for a shared horse, that’s just the tack that will be used with the horse from now on.
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post #8 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:52 PM
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You are right that this not wanting to share your stuff is petty and childish, but I would be/am exactly the same in some situations what comes to my horse(s) and their stuff. I understand you perfectly.

I think you should just tell her politely, but in a matter of fact way, that you would like her to take better care of the stuff that is used on your horse. She might get offended, but the fact is that you, as the owner, call the shots now.
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post #9 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 06:57 PM
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Wow, a lot of answers already....
Here is mine and a long one to read at that....
So,....
Pull up your big girl panties and tell them "NO".

Rather simple actually and after saying it for the first time it becomes easier.
"NO, No, no..no no no....
See, it got so much easier.

Seriously, it is YOUR tack.
It is YOUR horse. You were "gifted" the horse and now own it and have the right to decide who rides, who does not, who uses what equipment on said horse as it is YOUR HORSE!
It is your decision who you allow to use your equipment, not anyone else's.
Your trainer/instructor has no business telling someone to use different tack than what you have supplied honestly.
Now, that said, it is being used on your horse.

However, the leasee has her own bridle? Correct?
Then she does not need to use your bridle. PERIOD.
She has a saddle so no need to use your saddle either...

So, just tell your "trainer", "No, she does not have permission to use my bridle. She doesn't take care of her tack and she will not be using mine for that reason. It is also mine and I choose for it not to be used by others
, period."

Now to add fuel to the fire....
There is no reason to use a "leverage" bit because the horse gets "strong"...that is a training issue and one that needs addressing.
A non-leverage snaffle mouth...a slow twist, a slightly narrower mouthpiece barrel, may be more than enough change to make the horse attentive.
Leverage makes me think immediately of gag bits and that is just forcing strong in the mouth/face but not addressing the problem of training holes...a training short cut and a bad one.
Putting the time in as you are doing with lateral work in a snaffle mouth, non-leverage is going to give better results than riding in heavier iron in the long run.
Takes time and patience to fill in the holes is all.
At some point though that "leverage" bit will also no longer work when the horse hardens against it...then what?
Addressing the true training issue is the right way to correct the problem...not putting heavier iron in the mouth...wrong!

Now that I gave you chapter and verse of a answer...
The simplest way to stop anyone from using your equipment is to lock it up.
Tack trunk you have the only key to and lock it.
Take it home, put it away in the car trunk.
Don't make it accessible for another to get their hands on and they will have to use what they have, theirs...
....
jmo...




The worst day is instantly better when shared with my horse.....
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post #10 of 33 Old 03-07-2017, 07:19 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone for a lot of great helpful comments!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by horseluvr2524
Sounds like there's other issues that might need discussed? When he was gifted to you, was it discussed between previous owner and you two leasers whether or not the other girl's lease would be continued after you took ownership? Do you want her leasing your horse?
I'm not actually sure she knows he was gifted to me :/ I do want her to keep leasing him though as her paying half his board is very helpful for my wallet!

Quote:
Originally Posted by horselovinguy View Post
Now to add fuel to the fire....
There is no reason to use a "leverage" bit because the horse gets "strong"...that is a training issue and one that needs addressing.
A non-leverage snaffle mouth...a slow twist, a slightly narrower mouthpiece barrel, may be more than enough change to make the horse attentive.
Leverage makes me think immediately of gag bits and that is just forcing strong in the mouth/face but not addressing the problem of training holes...a training short cut and a bad one.
Putting the time in as you are doing with lateral work in a snaffle mouth, non-leverage is going to give better results than riding in heavier iron in the long run.
Takes time and patience to fill in the holes is all.
At some point though that "leverage" bit will also no longer work when the horse hardens against it...then what?
Addressing the true training issue is the right way to correct the problem...not putting heavier iron in the mouth...wrong!
It's not really a heavy 'gag' bit, its like this one http://www.estalabarteria.com.ar/img...onimg-0131.jpg doesnt have that much action, but just a bit more control. Though I would LOVE to be able to jump him in a snaffle someday, we're just not there yet. (both because of his temperament and my riding ability, I'm still learning!)
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