Husband Isn't A Horse Person, Advice? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:00 PM Thread Starter
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Husband Isn't A Horse Person, Advice?

The title pretty much says it all… I am a horse person ( or becoming one, anyway!) and my husband is not. As a matter of fact, he is scared to death of horses… won’t go near them! This hasn’t caused any issues ( yet). But I would love to hear from people who may have a similar situation and how you handle the time you put into your horses, shows and of course--- MONEY. Right now, I am just taking lessons and using a horse from my trainer, but the goal is to buy my own. I would love it if he showed an interest as well, but so far, he is adamant he won’t ever be into them. Do any of you ladies or gentlemen take on the sole responsibility?

PS-- not sure if I posted this in the right part of this forum. If not, will a mod remove?
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post #2 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:07 PM
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The time to think about this was BEFORE you married him. People get married and never think about what's life going to be like down the road. Any habit they have before you marry them just gets 3 fold worse and at the end of the day life will be miserable down the road when you are old with no common interests
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post #3 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:13 PM
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I was married and after about 9 years I bought my first horse, and 5 years later bought another one. My husband hates my horses, it is just my thing. The horses can be an argument with us, but one he will not win. He knows not to make me choose. However, I know he won't ride but I wish he would at least support my interest, but he doesn't. We agree to disagree on it.
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post #4 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:14 PM
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Oh boy. I got re-introduced to horses in 2011 and have been horse crazy ever since. We were already married 5 years at the time so he mostly knows the "non-horse-crazy" version of me. First it was only riding lessons and then in January I finally nagged him enough to agree to buy a horse together.

It's a struggle. I have to make an active effort to spend time with him without bringing up horses or showing him pictures of horses. He's been a trooper through it all but I can tell it gets to him.

Don't get my started on money. We used to have a budget...and then we got a horse. I've been fortunate that my horse is very healthy so we haven't had any emergency vet bills or anything like that but just the start-up costs of getting tack and then the monthly boarding can really eat away at your bank account.

Despite all this...it's totally worth it; I have zero regrets.

Forgot to add, it helps if you can find a non-horse hobby that you both enjoy (or you can pretend to enjoy), that way you can avoid comments such as "all you care about anymore is your horse"!
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post #5 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by frlsgirl View Post
Oh boy. I got re-introduced to horses in 2011 and have been horse crazy ever since. We were already married 5 years at the time so he mostly knows the "non-horse-crazy" version of me. First it was only riding lessons and then in January I finally nagged him enough to agree to buy a horse together.

It's a struggle. I have to make an active effort to spend time with him without bringing up horses or showing him pictures of horses. He's been a trooper through it all but I can tell it gets to him.

Don't get my started on money. We used to have a budget...and then we got a horse. I've been fortunate that my horse is very healthy so we haven't had any emergency vet bills or anything like that but just the start-up costs of getting tack and then the monthly boarding can really eat away at your bank account.

Despite all this...it's totally worth it; I have zero regrets.

Forgot to add, it helps if you can find a non-horse hobby that you both enjoy (or you can pretend to enjoy), that way you can avoid comments such as "all you care about anymore is your horse"!
Exactly. Also I can have a western theme downstairs, but I don't dare bring anything horsey upstairs. No pics, no nic-nacs, etc....whatever, I can live with it. I don't bother talking to him about the horses as he doesn't get it at all, and will usually end up in an argument. If I was single again, liking horses and accepting my hobby would be a make or break with me.
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post #6 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:28 PM
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My husband is not at all horsey, but he does understand what it means to me and supports me. I talk to him about horsey stuff, and he listens even though I'm sure he doesn't quite follow all of it (and I do the same when he's talking about all the politics and stuff going on with his team at work!) I put a fair amount of effort in trying to balance time between DH and the horse, which means I don't get to ride as often as I'd like (because I'd really like to ride every day...) but obviously, spending time with him is more important! Luckily, finances aren't an issue at the moment, since we both have reasonably well paying jobs and no kids, but I know that can be a major relationship strain if one person feels the other is spending lots of money on something they don't see the value in.

I wouldn't try to get him into horses if he's not interested. Let it be your thing and find something else that the two of you can enjoy together. Also, encourage him to follow his interests so he doesn't feel that he's sitting around bored when you start going off to shows for days at a time

“The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see. Sometimes you will.” - Buck Brannaman
"Nothing forced can ever be beautiful." - Xenophon
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post #7 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:33 PM
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I would say don't nag him or bring up the subject of you wishing he liked horses or participated, just let him be. Eventually some come around, some do not. As long as he isn't trying to keep you from riding, don't worry about it.

It can be very difficult for non-horsey people to understand the draw and if you don't understand the draw the money seems ridiculous.

I'm sure he has interests that you do not participate in. It's perfectly fine to have your own hobbies, but make sure you also spend time together. If you let horses take a huge chunk out of your time together, he may grow resentful.
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post #8 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:34 PM
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well, I would say don't try to change his mind....agree on times for hobbies. when you go to the barn, he can go fishing, watch that action movies that most women don't want to see, or whatever he wants. It doesn't have to be a strain on the relationship.

good luck
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post #9 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:37 PM
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Another thing that's worked for us....I get up super early on weekends, quietly cook breakfast, and sneak out to the barn. When he wakes up, breakfast is waiting for him in the kitchen. By the time he's done eating I'm already back. Now, this is the important part, only cook him breakfast on the days that you go to the barn. That way he associates you going to the barn with something positive.
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post #10 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:38 PM
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My husband is not at all horsey. I bought my horse two years into our marriage and discussed it a lot before I did. I was VERY CLEAR that once I got said horse, I would become very attached and I wouldn't be selling the horse because he thought horses were stupid. We always kept our money separate anyway. My horse is completely my responsibility. He will go on the trails with us once a week (either run or ride his bike) and will feed my horse treats and hold him for me, but he isn't interested in doing more than that. I managed to get him to sit on my horse once, and I got to see him cover his panic a little (while really amused me!). He doesn't complain about my time at the barn because he spends the time playing his video games. He can play his games and when I'm home we usually watch tv together. I don't get ignored because he's playing games and he isn't pressured to do something with me. I don't get pushed to not go to the barn to stay home. Win win!
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