Husband Isn't A Horse Person, Advice? - Page 10 - The Horse Forum
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post #91 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karliejaye View Post
This thread has taken an interesting turn!
I think if a couple splits over hobbies and spending (time OR money) then it is coincidental that it is over horses. There is usually a deeper reason (often lack of communication), but horses is an easy one to target. Squabbling over horses is just a symptom of a bigger issue. But it is a real fact, as amigo points out, that in many divorces, the last straw that is pointed to is the horse.

OP, you mention he is really afraid of horses, not just disliking them. If this is the case, be very careful about how much you push the issue! True phobias can cause a lot of anxiety. But on the flip side, if you will be having horses at your house, it would be handy to push him just enough to get him comfortable handling the horses in case of an emergency.
I agree, a very interesting turn for sure!! Haha, guess I should watch how I word things, don't want to give the wrong impression(s)

Yes, he is more-so afraid of them than anything else. He has never mentioned he disliked them, pretty much the contrary. He grew up helping is grandfather raise cattle, so he is used to the work of livestock, the smells, etc.

He just doesn't have any interest on ever riding. Ever.
He and I are on the same page regarding finances when it comes to this hobby, land, etc. I made the (poor) joke earlier that he didn't realize we needed a trailer and I chided him asking if he thought we would just throw it in the back of the truck

Anyways, right now we are just weighing costs and whatnot. We have been married a few years, no kids, obviously when we met he knew I enjoyed this and it is something we have been discussing for quite some time-- but never really allocated any finances until recently. So, I just wanted to see if others went through anything similar!
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The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. ~Sharon Ralls Lemon
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post #92 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted by STT GUY View Post
Ah yes...great post. Our two "free" AQH's only cost us about ten grand so far. The Paso Fino's....that's an entirely different story.

We budget $1000 per horse per year for feed alone and we're lucky with $6-$9 per bale good hay. $500 per horse per year for farrier.

Then there is fly spray, fly masks, fly sheets, grooming supplies, supplements, vet stuff...... not a cheap hobby. Also if we travel, we pay someone to come over twice daily to care for the horses. It all adds up.
Hi Guy:
Horses have been my thing for as long as I can remember even though I did not come from a horse family other than my granmother who took me for rides on her Brothers mules.
As Jim said "horses are ones Life and Lifestyle".
If I were Young now I do not Think i would get into horses, we are not living in an equastrion age and with each day i find it more and more difficult hanging onto that which I love, limited riding availibilty, qualified proffesionals, or just finding basic quality feed!
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post #93 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:07 PM
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folks who are truly scared of horses may never come around. One of the field trials I attend a few times a year has walking stakes, (no horses needed) and there is a guy who has been their the last couple trips down who is terrified of horses. I don't know what caused it, have never asked, nor really cared, but I accidentally came out of a stand of pines on my very arrogant paso once to close to him (10ft) and he freaked out.

I tell you this, because it may be that your husband will NEVER accept horses, and you should be prepared for that. It is hard to have something as big as horse ownership and this lifestyle that is all consuming, and not have your spouse be there, and want to take part. I know my wife will never carry a gun in the field quail hunting, but she will saddle up and handle, or exercise dogs, and we enjoy parts of it together. I am scared to ride a horse much faster than a nice clean lope, but I go with her to every Barrel race. I really could care less about barrel racing, but I go.

You need to be absolutely sure that YOU can handle him not being involved as much as worrying about what to do about him.

Jim
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post #94 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:11 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmyp View Post
folks who are truly scared of horses may never come around. One of the field trials I attend a few times a year has walking stakes, (no horses needed) and there is a guy who has been their the last couple trips down who is terrified of horses. I don't know what caused it, have never asked, nor really cared, but I accidentally came out of a stand of pines on my very arrogant paso once to close to him (10ft) and he freaked out.

I tell you this, because it may be that your husband will NEVER accept horses, and you should be prepared for that. It is hard to have something as big as horse ownership and this lifestyle that is all consuming, and not have your spouse be there, and want to take part. I know my wife will never carry a gun in the field quail hunting, but she will saddle up and handle, or exercise dogs, and we enjoy parts of it together. I am scared to ride a horse much faster than a nice clean lope, but I go with her to every Barrel race. I really could care less about barrel racing, but I go.

You need to be absolutely sure that YOU can handle him not being involved as much as worrying about what to do about him.

Jim

True. So far, his un-involvement hasn't been as issue. I ride a few times a week, it's nice alone time to hang out with my barn friends. But I know riding lessons and owning are so far on opposite ends of the spectrum that it's really unfair to compare the two.

The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. ~Sharon Ralls Lemon
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post #95 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:28 PM
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As long as he doesn't object to you spending time (and money) with your horse then I wouldn't worry too much
Living in each others pockets all the time isn't a recipe for a good marriage - I'm sure he has hobbies that you don't want to get involved in and when he's living in closer contact with the horse the whole thing will gradually become a part of his life anyway and he won't even realize its happening!!!
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post #96 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frlsgirl View Post
Another thing that's worked for us....I get up super early on weekends, quietly cook breakfast, and sneak out to the barn. When he wakes up, breakfast is waiting for him in the kitchen. By the time he's done eating I'm already back. Now, this is the important part, only cook him breakfast on the days that you go to the barn. That way he associates you going to the barn with something positive.
Haha, you are literally training your husband! Love it.
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post #97 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by jaydee View Post
As long as he doesn't object to you spending time (and money) with your horse then I wouldn't worry too much
Living in each others pockets all the time isn't a recipe for a good marriage - I'm sure he has hobbies that you don't want to get involved in and when he's living in closer contact with the horse the whole thing will gradually become a part of his life anyway and he won't even realize its happening!!!
Yes he loves motorcycles and classic cars... I have no interest in that at all! Like, not even a little bit!
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The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. ~Sharon Ralls Lemon
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post #98 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 04:44 PM
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There you are then - my husband also likes Classic cars - and Rugby and Neil Young - fortunately he's a horse lover as well - but he trots along to garden shows and all the Craft type things and pretends to look interested to please me so I suffer the same for him and his interests
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post #99 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 05:04 PM
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So i haven't read through the whole previous 10 pages but here is my view point as a guy:

I grew up with sisters showing horses.... BORING

after college, I met a girl and she had a pony, eh not my thing but hey she and some friends go camping in the fall so I'll come along and cook

now i'm married to that girl as I realized that horses don't have to mean dread 12 hour long days sitting at a horse show dealing with "horse people" (sorry don't mean to offend anyone but we all know show people can be a different breed of horse person vs the trail riders) I took some lessons and now we trail ride on a semi-regular basis


SOOO I woudln't count out your husband from ever liking horses, but just try to have him stop in with you on fun days when you're stopping in to give your horse some treats, let him/her hand graze for a bit, the relaxing aspects
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post #100 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 05:22 PM
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I am married to a fairly non-horsy guy. He grew up riding as little kid as did most kids around here. He is a very good rider in my opinion. He can be off a horse for months and months and jump back on and look like he never took a break. BUT he won't just wake up in the morning and think, I want to go riding. He can take it or leave it.

When we were first dating he would ride with me every chance we got, our first date as a trail ride. I had two OTTBs back then and he took a liking to one of them. For a while he was even riding on his own.

Since we have been married he doesn't ride often any more. He rode with me for the first time in 10 months last week. He doesn't get the point of trail riding but when we go out to friend's ranches to help he enjoys driving and penning cattle for branding etc.

That being said he has never once complained about the horses or money or the time I am away. I think he enjoys have the peace and quiet at the house when I am gone. He used to complain that I was leaving alfalfa all over the house but I learned to "shake off" before I walk in the door.

EDIT: I take that back a little - I just remembered he tried to get me to sell Roux in March (and buy a safer horse) because he was convinced my horse was nuts and I was going to get killed. It came from a place of love though and Roux isn't the crazy horse DH thought he was.

We don't have a tit for tat deal where I get horses and he gets his hobbies but I do my thing he does his and it works out just fine. I don't spend that much on my horses compared to people who are working hard at showing. And since I had horses before we met I already had saddles, tack etc.

I haven't bought a new saddle in 5+ years. When I got home from riding Saturday my left knee was sore and he said, "maybe we ought to get you a new saddle." *swoon"

When we eventually have a little cowboy(s) or cowgirl(s) of our own I hope he will want to to take us to rodeos, gymkhanas, and shows and stuff and help out with that but that might take more convincing so we will cross that bridge when we come to it ;)
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