Husband Isn't A Horse Person, Advice? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:43 PM
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As bad as it sounds, I wish my hubby wasn't into horses. I mean I'm glad that he understands, but when I decided I wanted to get back into horses, it was because I wanted a hobby for myself. Something I could go do to clear my head and get away from things for awhile. Now I spend more time with hubby between the barn and the house than I ever did before. Needless to say, I still need that "escape" hobby.
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post #12 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BugZapper89 View Post
The time to think about this was BEFORE you married him. People get married and never think about what's life going to be like down the road. Any habit they have before you marry them just gets 3 fold worse and at the end of the day life will be miserable down the road when you are old with no common interests
I'm sending you some prozac.

OP, do not be disheartened.

My father was exactly the same. My mum worked with racehorses at 16, then gave them up and joined the army. I was 14, my sister 13 and my mum 44 when we started riding again. We caught the bug and we spent our time down there.

Initially, my dad was supportive, then enjoyed his fishing time, then started wondering what all the fuss was.

He rode for eight years before retiring his horse last year due to navicular.

If he isn't interested, then don't push it. You'll just have sour feelings.

BUT if you're using the "us" funds to finance the future ponio, you REALLY need to do your research. How much the horse will cost initially, including all tack, monthly, vets bills, trainer bills, farrier bills, and unexpected vets bills.

If you can do that without struggling to feed yourselves because you have a nice horse, then go for it.

As a couple you don't have to do EVERYTHING together. You are individuals. I'm sure he will find his own hobby, or take one back up and you can share stories and talk.
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post #13 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BugZapper89 View Post
Any habit they have before you marry them just gets 3 fold worse and at the end of the day life will be miserable down the road when you are old with no common interests
Wow. Gotta disagree with this one. Just because a couple doesn't share an interest in 1 thing does not mean they have no common interests. I am offended that you seem to imply that liking horses leaves no room for other interests!
I love horses, my husband thought he would like them, turns out he just doesn't get them. He loves skiing, I went with him 1 time and swear i will never try that again. Are we miserable? NO! We hike, camp, and backpack together. We both love travel and are both movie buffs and foodies. We have more in common than not.
Every 2 people are a ven diagram. There will be some overlap, and there will be some separate areas. It is healthy to maintain your own interests separate from your spouse...ever heard of codependancy?

Back to the OP's question. It is very do-able! With money, communicate what you will realistically need and work together to set aside a savings account for this. Set aside time for the 2 of you, monthly or weekly date nights. If he doesn't have a hobby of his own, encourage him to get into something he enjoys...that way you both can have that external outlet.
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post #14 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 06:01 PM
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The lucky women have hubbies who will haul bales and stack them, build stalls, hook up and load the trailer and maybe even do the driving. These are the fellows who recognize that a happy wife makes for a happy husband. Just don't ask them to ride or groom a horse. My hubby often worked away 6 weeks at a time and the fellows would often berate him for feeding a horse. His response was, "at least I know where my wife is, do you? I'd much rather she went to the barn that the bar."



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post #15 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 06:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelwithacause View Post
The title pretty much says it all… I am a horse person ( or becoming one, anyway!) and my husband is not. As a matter of fact, he is scared to death of horses… won’t go near them! This hasn’t caused any issues ( yet). But I would love to hear from people who may have a similar situation and how you handle the time you put into your horses, shows and of course--- MONEY. Right now, I am just taking lessons and using a horse from my trainer, but the goal is to buy my own. I would love it if he showed an interest as well, but so far, he is adamant he won’t ever be into them. Do any of you ladies or gentlemen take on the sole responsibility?

PS-- not sure if I posted this in the right part of this forum. If not, will a mod remove?
It is your hobby and you do not need him to take an interest. However you need to ensure that it doesn't effect him negatively.

I am horsey but my boyfriend is not. I also did not get into horses until later on. I do not expect him to have anything to do with them. I also try and ensure that my time with them or money I spend ok with him.

Luckily he sees them as my hobby and doesn't mind that I spend my "me" time with my horses. However I also do not complain when he takes off for a boys 4 day weekend every 3 months :)
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post #16 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 06:44 PM
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Be prepared for resentment, lol. Talk about horses as little as possible at home - if the word "horse" only gets mentioned once every 3 months, your other half may still rant and rave about you talking about horses "all the time."

Give extra attention to his hobbies and encourage more involvement with his friends so you won't receive as much flack for spending time at the barn. Gush over his new golf score so he knows you still appreciate his athleticism, despite riding 1000 lbs of pure muscle at the barn. Make sure there is plenty of date/couple time! You don't have to do everything together, but if you're not doing SOMETHING, what's the point of the relationship? I go to the barn 2-3 nights a week after work (while my other half is at boxing class,) and I go very early Sat & Sun so I have most of the weekend days open at home.

Discuss money well in advance of horse shopping! Get your expected monthly budget in order and get approval/agreement/buy-in from hubby. If you're lucky, you'll get a "Just buy a dang horse and stop talking about it already!" like I did.

Our finances are shared and monthly board comes out of our joint account, but we each get a small amount of money in a personal account to use without having to disclose it to the other. This is imperative for our relationship health! I pay for tack, farrier and vet out of mine, and my other half buys her crap from hers. These personal accounts also work great for birthday or holiday gifts for each other since we'd otherwise see the purchases on our joint bank accounts.

Despite the constant complaining my dear wifey offers up about my obsession with horses, I will occasionally overhear her proudly describing my horsey achievements to someone. I make sure she hears me speaking highly of her, as well.
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post #17 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 07:07 PM
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Don't worry about your husband's feelings about horses UNLESS it becomes an issue over finances. He can be scared all he wants, it's your thing anyways, but if he refuses to pay for something or draws a line between you over it then you may have other considerations to make.
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post #18 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 07:07 PM Thread Starter
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Wow wow wow... thanks for all of the replies! This makes me feel much better :) We do have shared hobbies ( football tickets each Fall to our local NFL team) and have discussed a budget. He knows I will get a horse, that has been clear since we met 5 years ago, but the means to get one hasn't been until the past year or so, and now it is "sinking in" :)
Good to see other people who have been able to maintain that relationship with their husband AND their horseys
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post #19 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 07:29 PM
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My husband rides, takes lessons, but as for being a horseperson, nada. He rides for exercise and because I do it, so being the sweet guy he is, he likes to do things with me. He has lots of things he likes to do that I will participate in, a little, I will ride on the back of his Harley, but I am not a biker. One thing I will not participate in is fishing, not without a court order would I be going fishing. He gets up at the crack of dawn and go icefishing even! Shoot me first please.
Be respectful of your husband when it comes to horses. Don't spend beyond your budget, no wonder he gets mad, that's being selfish. Don't come home from the barn and wander around in stinky horse clothes and the smell of horse sweat all over you. Clean yourself up when you come home. Don't beg off family activities because you want to go to a show or trail riding, and don't force him to watch you ride endless circles in lessons when he clearly isn't interested. No way in the world would I watch my husband flycast into a river for an hour, *yawn.

I am not here to promote anythingNo, that's not true, I am here to promote everything equestrian and everyone enjoying horses!
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post #20 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelwithacause View Post
Wow wow wow... thanks for all of the replies! This makes me feel much better :) We do have shared hobbies ( football tickets each Fall to our local NFL team) and have discussed a budget. He knows I will get a horse, that has been clear since we met 5 years ago, but the means to get one hasn't been until the past year or so, and now it is "sinking in" :)
Good to see other people who have been able to maintain that relationship with their husband AND their horseys

No die-hard horse lover could have it any other way :)
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To ride a horse is to ride the sky.
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