Husband Isn't A Horse Person, Advice? - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 09:04 PM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 957
• Horses: 4
My history.

I never rode, about 16 years ago we moved and I said she could have horses at home.
I cleared an area, fenced it in and we bought a horse, and then another.
Whenever her horse was saddled I would take it for a run.
I figured kinda like a dirt bike, not afraid of speed, let's run.
Once every three months, whether I needed it or not.
SIL pull up with trailer and they go riding, easy peasy lemon sqeezey.
I stayed home watched the young one and worked in the yard.
I had no problem with this, encouraged her they should go more often.
Since we care for them she should enjoy the riding as often as possible, right?

You could try my wife's approach.

10 years ago she bought me a horse, I did not want a horse.
Planned a weekend day ride and I was hooked, outdoors on the horse!
Next thing I have a buddy saddle for my 5 year old daughter.
Now I'm three horses later, bought a green TWH 3 years ago as an extra horse.
Now my daughter whom is 14 has claimed the TWH after I rode him for 3 seasons.
We camp with the horses every good weather weekend possible.
Swim them through the river and ride some rough terrain.
What could be more fun.



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Maryland Rider is offline  
post #22 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 09:27 PM Thread Starter
Weanling
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 585
• Horses: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maryland Rider View Post
My history.

I never rode, about 16 years ago we moved and I said she could have horses at home.
I cleared an area, fenced it in and we bought a horse, and then another.
Whenever her horse was saddled I would take it for a run.
I figured kinda like a dirt bike, not afraid of speed, let's run.
Once every three months, whether I needed it or not.
SIL pull up with trailer and they go riding, easy peasy lemon sqeezey.
I stayed home watched the young one and worked in the yard.
I had no problem with this, encouraged her they should go more often.
Since we care for them she should enjoy the riding as often as possible, right?

You could try my wife's approach.

10 years ago she bought me a horse, I did not want a horse.
Planned a weekend day ride and I was hooked, outdoors on the horse!
Next thing I have a buddy saddle for my 5 year old daughter.
Now I'm three horses later, bought a green TWH 3 years ago as an extra horse.
Now my daughter whom is 14 has claimed the TWH after I rode him for 3 seasons.
We camp with the horses every good weather weekend possible.
Swim them through the river and ride some rough terrain.
What could be more fun.

I like that, what a great story! We currently are on the same page on a few things (i.e. both like being outdoors, are looking to purchase a sizable piece of property to build on in the future), but he just doesn't "get" the horse thing. Financially speaking, we have gone over cost and a budget to buy a horse, but I think he thinks it will be a few upfront large purchases and that's it ( horse, trailer, tack, etc) and not factoring in as much vet bill, farrier, travel to shows, equipment, vet bill again lol.
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post #23 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 09:34 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: california
Posts: 5,769
• Horses: 0
you can have your separate interest. If you do everything together 100% of the time some bodys nerve is gonna get frayed. You do need to keep the lines of communication open, and still do things that you both enjoy. You dont have to spend 100% of your free time with the horse, if you do things could get ugly
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post #24 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 09:46 PM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 957
• Horses: 4
Yeah I know all these expensive items by heart.
1st F250 big 4 door diesel.
2nd Horse trailer, looking for second trailer now.
3rd New fence, better electric!
4th I learned to trim hooves.
5th Basement full of saddles and headgear.
6th Horse feed and hay, the largest expense!
7th Enough Crown to keep my sanity.

My wife jokes that if it's for the horses I never question the expense.
The horses have been the least expensive items to date.



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post #25 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 10:05 PM
Foal
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 118
• Horses: 2
Nothing wrong with having some separate interests, as long as you respect each other's time and share common interests and goals, as well. My husband isn't horsey, but he is happy for any successes I have with my horses. I applaud his beautiful woodworking projects, even though I can't drive a nail, and don' care to. It's been working for us for 38 years, and I didn't become "horsey" until we were 25 years in! (It took that long to raise a family and have the funds for some new interests of our own) Interests can and do change over the years, so you really can't plan it all up front.
autumn rain is offline  
post #26 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 10:13 PM
Showing
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: southern Arizona
Posts: 12,068
• Horses: 4
My wife insisted we get horses. It was very important to her. I fought it as long as possible because I knew full well horses are a money pit.

After we got them...she did a little riding and mostly quit. 6 years later, I do 80% of the riding. If it wasn't for our youngest daughter, it would be 99%. I sneak bits in and take bits out and hide them, because she senses the total number in the tack room/library, but has yet to find the box in the garage. Should have a Billy Allen arriving in Friday's mail - got to get to the mailbox before her! And lets not discuss the 3 used books on jumping that arrived from Amazon this week, even though I don't do jumping...

I guess the good news is that we bought the vacant lot next door before she dropped out of horses, and she supports decent corrals on the theory that it will help us sell the place in a few years.

In return, I don't argue with her when she buys another table. We have two nice chairs in the garage that she bought and never even brought into the house - but I won't argue.

When we take walks in the evenings, I'd like to bring Mia along. I don't, because my wife would not appreciate it...she accuses Mia of being my girlfriend. It doesn't help that our gelding Trooper gets jealous and runs around kicking his heels if I take Mia along with us...my wife takes that to mean Trooper agrees with her about Mia & I!

Sometimes when I would like to go ride, but she wants to do something else - we do something else. Marriage is a compromise, and some of those compromises are how you say, "I love you". We were watching grandkids most of the last 2 weeks, and I've only ridden Mia briefly 2 times because it wouldn't be fair to put all the burden of watching grandkids on my wife - again, a way of saying, "I love you". We're at 27.5 years so far, so I guess it is working.

Riders ask "How?" Horsemen ask "Why?"
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post #27 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 10:47 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,176
• Horses: 5
Here's a tale:
Every summer our dad would take the girls to a riding ranch once. Sometimes twice if we were lucky. Every summer we tried to talk our mom into coming. She never would.
Years go by and finally one day she agrees to come with us just to stop the bickering.

We found out later, she was absolutely petrified of horses. However, on that very first ride, she found out that a horse was just like a big child - needing leadership, discipline and wanting to be part of the family/herd. That was it - she was hooked! We went from riding once a year to riding every weekend, and our mom went twice a week.

My dad? He didn't know what hit him. LOL. Within 2 years my mom had taken in the first horse - a problem horse from the riding ranch - no one else could handle him except her. Shortly after that was the next rescue - same ranch, one that was at the bottom of the pecking order in her previous home in poor health but part of a package deal when the ranch bought other horses. Mom started showing, costs went up. So mom took in boarders to pay for her hobby! LOL.

Meanwhile, in dad's world, for the first time, my mom was doing something just for herself. He was flabbergasted. It took him quite a while, but he adjusted and even learned to enjoy visiting the horses, though I don't think he ever went riding again! :)

You absolutely can not plan for everything in a marriage. The thing is when something new comes up to discuss it, and work through it as part of your "together life" which is different than "your life" and "his life."
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post #28 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 11:00 PM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: State of Confusion (SC)
Posts: 890
• Horses: 3
We've been married 44 years and horses have been in our lives only for the last 14. I rode when I was young, and then life became "practical." My husband was a city kid and animals were never part of his life. Animals have always been an issue between us until 14 years ago. After the kids were educated and left home, I decided it was time for me to do what I wanted to do. Suddenly we had disposable income! LOL (If you're no longer paying for 2 kids in college, you can afford horses!)

So I started taking lessons again and looking for horses. The low point in our marriage came when he yelled across the house, "If I let you get a dog, will you forget about a horse?" I was so totally offended at the very idea of "let me" that I was almost incoherent with anger!!!

My OTTB, Eight DB stepped off the transport about a month later and a miracle occurred. Jim had taken the day off to be there when he arrived and he fell in love with my horse!!! There is no explanation. They share the same personality and Jim learned how to ride on him, right off the track. He posted correctly the first time he rode a trot. I had to get another horse for myself.

My husband is now addicted worse than I am. He adores trail riding and being miles from civilization. He never questions tack bills, vet bills: EVERY available minute is spent with the horses. We have a trail dog. My friends envy me. Our life revolves around the horses. We're retired. I have everything I wanted -- In spades. Now all I need is some personal "me" time. I'd even take time alone with my horse!

Don't assume he won't come around. Life can take strange turns. Just be careful what you wish for, you might get it.

I'm not a complete idiot--there are parts missing!

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.
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post #29 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 11:09 PM
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: A good place
Posts: 8,121
• Horses: 0
The wife of one of my favorite people to ride for does not like horses one bit. He complained about that once in a while the first three years I worked for him. I finally told him, "You are lucky. If Mrs. _____ got interested in horses, she'd probably end up a barrel racer. Then you two would have to argue about who gets the next piece of tack, the next horse, uses the trailer on a given day. The seat of your truck and the mirrors would always be adjusted wrong. You would hate it!"

He (and she, when he told her) got a good laugh out of it and I haven't heard a word about it since.
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post #30 of 124 Old 08-05-2014, 11:15 PM
Foal
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: waaaayyy up North
Posts: 67
• Horses: 2
My husband isn't very horsey. When I decided to finally get a horse of my own, I tried to make him horsey by buying him a really awesome horse (Al). He's been afraid of the Al since we got him (and so was I - he turned out to be a very pushy horse) so he stood unused for a year. He got a big crack in his hoof and my husband wouldn't do the hoof care so I took over Al's care, which involved me calling in a trainer. Now I'm head over heels in love with Al and if my husband wants his own horse he's going to have to find another one :)

He's very supportive of my horse habit, though. He can't help but notice how much happier I have been since I got so into the horses and his life is a lot easier when I'm happy.
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