Husband Isn't A Horse Person, Advice? - Page 9 - The Horse Forum
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post #81 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmyp View Post
So what happens when he realizes that you have now hoodwinked him into buying this "dual purpose" trailer, that will never work for what he thought would benefit him?

The best thing that my wife and I have going in our separate but equal hobbies is honesty. If I show up with a $3000 side by side shotgun she knows. If she buys a bunch of silly tack and cute outfits for she and my daughter to wear at shows or barrel races I know.

If he is a little sour on the idea of horses, you hiding **** and playing games sure as haeel isn't going to win you any favor.

Jim

It was a joke, we were clearly joking around about it. Please feel free to read the prior portion of the conversation that I posted before jumping to conclusions about the last portion-- context is important.

Thank you.

The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. ~Sharon Ralls Lemon
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post #82 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:21 PM
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Friend's hubby always said they couldn't afford a horse. He went away to work. She missed him terribly. It was during his second stint away that she bo't a horse. She figured if she waited until they could afford it (his words) she'd be too old to ride. She didn't let on until he came home. She was surprised that his response was "ok". I did warn her to not horsey him to death nor expect him to ride and to make dead certain she still did what he enjoyed doing. It has worked out well. He's no longer working away and will sometimes go hangout with the horse as the horse is now living at home.



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post #83 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelwithacause View Post
It was a joke, we were clearly joking around about it. Please feel free to read the prior portion of the conversation that I posted before jumping to conclusions about the last portion-- context is important.

Thank you.

ma'am, you posted on an open forum, and asked a question that has been asked a million times and has been essentially beat to death. Then you make silly comments and when you don't like the answer because it doesn't necessarily pertain to your situation, you cry foul because we didn't take it the way you specifically meant it. The fact is I have seen the EXACT same situation you described in the real world, and it ended poorly.

If you want an honest answer to your original post, all context aside, if you can't figure out how to manage your horse hobby around your non horse husband, you may want to sit back and think about it some more. Cause horses isn't a hobby or something you just decide to do, it is a lifestyle, that will effect every decision either one of you makes for however long it appeals to you to be a horse person....

Jim
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post #84 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Rebelwithacause View Post
Listen, I'm a reasonable person, but come on now--- don't be silly. No one is "risking their marriage" here. This has been a really fun and informative thread for me to read, and I think others have weighed in on how they make it work. I would suggest reading the replies if you would like some insight on how to manage both non horsey and horsey people, obviously it can be done and marriages can be successful.

But thank you for your concern, please feel free to add some advice on this thread if you have any to offer.

Thanks.
Then my advice is forget the horse thing.

You can enjoy all the horses you want at the riding school and friends horses without all the trouble that goes with it.

Instead of Reading those replys that you want to hear I suggest you read some of the other threads under Horse Care - Hoof Care - Health Care - Trainers and all the other threads where horsey people come in Crying about sick horse, vet, shoers and every other complaint under the sun and all the conflicting information.

Relationships are hard enough too keep working under normal circumstances, bringing in a horse that is very expencive and time consuming is not going too help when the interest is one sided.

I am telling this as a Life long retired Farrier who has seen a lot in this horsery buisness, family´s broke and ruined.....and it was not the fault of the horse!
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post #85 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Rebelwithacause View Post
He's very afraid of them, won't really go around them at all!
I love animals and would go to horses but it took me 30 years to get back on one after my big wreck when I was a teen.
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post #86 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:41 PM
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If a man loves you enough to be worth marrying then he's not going to resent you having a horse as long as you can prove you can afford to pay the bills
Any man that wants to play the dictator about what you can and can't do isn't worth marrying.
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post #87 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by amigoboy View Post
Then my advice is forget the horse thing.

You can enjoy all the horses you want at the riding school and friends horses without all the trouble that goes with it.

Instead of Reading those replys that you want to hear I suggest you read some of the other threads under Horse Care - Hoof Care - Health Care - Trainers and all the other threads where horsey people come in Crying about sick horse, vet, shoers and every other complaint under the sun and all the conflicting information.

Relationships are hard enough too keep working under normal circumstances, bringing in a horse that is very expencive and time consuming is not going too help when the interest is one sided.

I am telling this as a Life long retired Farrier who has seen a lot in this horsery buisness, family´s broke and ruined.....and it was not the fault of the horse!
Ah yes...great post. Our two "free" AQH's only cost us about ten grand so far. The Paso Fino's....that's an entirely different story.

We budget $1000 per horse per year for feed alone and we're lucky with $6-$9 per bale good hay. $500 per horse per year for farrier.

Then there is fly spray, fly masks, fly sheets, grooming supplies, supplements, vet stuff...... not a cheap hobby. Also if we travel, we pay someone to come over twice daily to care for the horses. It all adds up.
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post #88 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmyp View Post
ma'am, you posted on an open forum, and asked a question that has been asked a million times and has been essentially beat to death. Then you make silly comments and when you don't like the answer because it doesn't necessarily pertain to your situation, you cry foul because we didn't take it the way you specifically meant it. The fact is I have seen the EXACT same situation you described in the real world, and it ended poorly.

If you want an honest answer to your original post, all context aside, if you can't figure out how to manage your horse hobby around your non horse husband, you may want to sit back and think about it some more. Cause horses isn't a hobby or something you just decide to do, it is a lifestyle, that will effect every decision either one of you makes for however long it appeals to you to be a horse person....

Jim

Thank you for the advice, it has been noted. I am certainly open to criticism, and am well aware of the consequences of posting on an open internet forum.

The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. ~Sharon Ralls Lemon
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post #89 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amigoboy View Post
Then my advice is forget the horse thing.

You can enjoy all the horses you want at the riding school and friends horses without all the trouble that goes with it.

Instead of Reading those replys that you want to hear I suggest you read some of the other threads under Horse Care - Hoof Care - Health Care - Trainers and all the other threads where horsey people come in Crying about sick horse, vet, shoers and every other complaint under the sun and all the conflicting information.

Relationships are hard enough too keep working under normal circumstances, bringing in a horse that is very expencive and time consuming is not going too help when the interest is one sided.

I am telling this as a Life long retired Farrier who has seen a lot in this horsery buisness, family´s broke and ruined.....and it was not the fault of the horse!

Thanks for the advice, I will definitely read up on those other boards to see how others have handled it as well.

The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. ~Sharon Ralls Lemon
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post #90 of 124 Old 08-11-2014, 02:51 PM
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This thread has taken an interesting turn!
I think if a couple splits over hobbies and spending (time OR money) then it is coincidental that it is over horses. There is usually a deeper reason (often lack of communication), but horses is an easy one to target. Squabbling over horses is just a symptom of a bigger issue. But it is a real fact, as amigo points out, that in many divorces, the last straw that is pointed to is the horse.

OP, you mention he is really afraid of horses, not just disliking them. If this is the case, be very careful about how much you push the issue! True phobias can cause a lot of anxiety. But on the flip side, if you will be having horses at your house, it would be handy to push him just enough to get him comfortable handling the horses in case of an emergency.
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