I think I'm in over my head - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 05:52 PM
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I feel your pain all too well, and I'm 24 years younger than you! When I was younger, I depended on my parents and didn't think much about the future, but these days the thought of having an accident is SCARY, and I don't want to risk getting hurt and not being able to work. I am not married - there's nobody to support me but me at this time in my life.

Perhaps this is just the closing of one door - but I assure you there are MANY windows still open. One of the best things about horses (and equines in general) is they come in so many sizes, types, and personalities that it's completely possible to find one that suits your needs as a rider, or as a non-rider if that's how you choose to go. You might try driving, or even trail-walking with a donkey or mini carrying a pack.

Let Frosty go on to a new home that suits her better, and work with a sympathetic trainer who understands what you really need in a horse to assist you in finding a new equine friend. Frosty may find her niche with someone who likes an opinionated horse- and somewhere out there may be a Steady-Eddie type horse who needs a semi-retirement home where he's loved on and walked/trotted on trails once or twice a week.

EDIT: Wanted to add - With your update about talking to your trainer, I would urge you to find someone else to give you a second opinion. I would never encourage someone to hang onto a horse they are a bad match with because "someday" they will be right for them. You don't keep a horse you might be able to control "someday" - you get a horse you need NOW.

Last edited by Mulefeather; 02-10-2015 at 06:00 PM.
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post #12 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 05:55 PM
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Horses very rarely have the loyalty of dogs and if they do it is because they respect their owner/trainer.

This mare doesn't sound easy and, as said, some mares can be very opinionated.

I believe it would be best if you sell her. She would be happier not being allowed to be so opinionated and you will be happier with a more suitable horse.
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post #13 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 06:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrhancock View Post
Thank you so much, everyone. You don't know how much I appreciate the feedback and reassurance. My trainer says she thinks I will someday be confident and strong enough to manage Frosty but I think she just wants to be encouraging. We are going to have a heart to heart talk about it.
THANK YOU!!
I'm not doubting your trainer.... But.... My friend is in a similar situation to you. She is a little younger but has MS. Her "trainer" at the time sold her a horse he pulled out a feed lot 3 months ago and broke/rebroke. He swore up and down she was the right horse for her. She isn't. Even now that ive put a TON of work into this horse she isn't appropriate for her. She isn't a bad horse, just not the RIGHT horse. Luckily she is only the "spare" horse (which friends and family cannot ride, which was her intentional purpose) and my friend is able to keep her.

The moral of the story is some trainers look at you and see $$$!
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post #14 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 06:54 PM
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I have to chime in here and urge you to sell your horse. She will be a good fit for somebody out there. I'm an older rider too, and we need horses that we feel confident on and look forward to riding. You will be so happy to have a horse you can enjoy.
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post #15 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 07:02 PM
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Another think about is your health. Why risk an injury? You have a much greater chance of becoming injured and not bouncing back. It could end your riding career for good!
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post #16 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 07:59 PM
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Sell her. It's not cruel. It's not mean. Find her a more suitable home and sell her. Then go hunting. Take a different trainer with you. No one should ever be told, after FOUR YEARS that SOMEDAY the horse will be a match. When? Five more years? when she's twenty and finally slowing down? After she's put you in a coma? After you've given up riding entirely because there's no fun in it?

BS. Sell Frosty, and go hunting. Find a been-there, done-that horse that has no agenda and no opinion at all. Find one you can take on a loose lead and ride on a loose rein. Find one that will move out but really just prefers, if given his own head, to amble. Enjoy your horse.
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post #17 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 08:56 PM
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OP -- I join the chorus of people saying it's ok to find her a new home but I wanted to add one more thing. As of today, whether you sell her or keep her as a pasture puff, The Struggle is OVER. You are no longer required to go out there and attempt things that make you feel awful and afraid in hopes of someday being able to ride without fear. (Really with skiafoxmorgan on this -- I call BS! It's been FIVE years of weekly lessons for Pete's sake!) Please believe me when I say you MORE than gave this a fair shot.

Take a deep breath and from today, you will only have successes with Frosty. That might mean all you do is groom her, maybe ground walk her around a little. Maybe not even that. Whatever you can do that is a positive interaction and something you know you can do, that's what you do. And you don't feel guilty, and you don't feel ashamed, and you don't beat yourself up. Accept Frosty for who she is right now -- the horse you love but can't ride -- and figure out what that new relationship looks like. Maybe Frosty really likes a good grooming. Maybe she enjoys lunge work a little. Perhaps she'd enjoy learning a simple trick or two for some yummy treats.

Give yourself permission to just ENJOY it again, in whatever limited format that takes. I think, especially if you do sell her, you will greatly value having made the final phase of your relationship one of simple pleasure ,which, again, may mean nothing more than pats and treats. And that's really, honestly, perfectly ok.
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post #18 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 09:13 PM
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I too am very close to 60. I've bought and sold several horses that just weren't right for me at this stage of my life. Its not that there was anything wrong with them, they just weren't what I wanted to do with my life right now. I currently have two wonderful horses that I can ride. My mare is wonderful on the trails but less inclined to take precise direction in an arena. My gelding is also wonderful on the trails and coming along nicely for arena work. The best of both worlds. However, I went through 4 other horses in 3 years to get where I am. Nothing wrong with that. They are all in more appropriate situations now and we're all happy.

Riding and horses are so much fun! It's a shame to waste it on wondering if "this is the right one". Sell this one and get one more appropriate.

And, I agree with the post about finding a another trainer to help. Why on earth would a trainer keep telling you that you'll be ok with this after all this time? The one and only trainer I've ever worked with (and still do once a year) has no problem letting his clients know if the match is wrong. And he'll tell them why. He's helped many people find what they were looking for.

Please look around so you can enjoy your riding.
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post #19 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 09:21 PM
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I'm so happy I'm not the only one who is intimidated! I had to stay out of riding for injuries after MY FIRST attempt at lessons, and now I'm scared I'll really hurt myself. Which means, I'm all for getting a less intimidating horse! When you don't feel comfortable loading her, that means you can't take her anywhere. Find a horse you can!
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post #20 of 43 Old 02-10-2015, 09:32 PM
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OP-I am also your same age, and had my confidence shattered years ago by a bad fall. Long story short, I now have a horse who through trainers etc, I have fun with, and he has built my confidence back up. However-he is the same horse that was too much for someone else about our same age. She sold him on and found another horse who is perfect for her, and I found the one she sold, who has turned out to be perfect for me. Please sell your horse on. It is best for both of you.
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