I think I'm in over my head - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 43 Old 02-11-2015, 11:49 AM
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This is not an un common story and I do sympathize. I think you already answered your own question “It's impractical to have a horse that you don't feel comfortable riding”. IMO it’s time to move on and find a horse that suits your ability and allows you to enjoy riding.

Best of luck.
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post #32 of 43 Old 02-11-2015, 12:32 PM
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You certainly should have no guilt, and move on to a horse that you can enjoy
Horses have been the main part of much of my life, and I used to get on any horse, never thinking twice, and loved training all the young horses that we raised.
Now , in my late sixties, with double knee replacements, I no longer want to ride green horses. That made me feel really guilty for awhile.
I then decided to stop breeding horses, keep some that I have trained over the years, instead of feeling I needed to sell them and go on to new prospects, and feel good about that
I still ride the odd green horse, that I have left to find new homes for, but other than that, am content with having the three riding horses that I do, and to provide care to my old faithful two horses, who owe me nothing, and who get to live their lives out here, for as long as they are happy, and I am around

There was a very good article in Horse and Rider one year, that I'm sure would make you feel good about moving on to a differnt horse

It was titled, I believe, 'Knowing when it is time to Divorce your Horse'

That horse, just like a ex marriage partner, can move on to a more suitable match, while you find that good match for your self. It need not be 'until death us do part!
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post #33 of 43 Old 02-11-2015, 05:21 PM
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I wanted to add as well there are plenty of riders out there that have "out grown" their horse and are looking for something they can sink their teeth into and bring along. I've actually traded before, horses that were more project than I wanted. Someone is always looking to trade out.
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post #34 of 43 Old 02-11-2015, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrhancock View Post
I've never posted anything before, but as I sit here (crying) I know I need some unbiased, objective help.
At age 55 (mid-life crisis) I started taking riding lessons. One thing led to another and I decided I needed my own horse. I fell in love (bad, I know) with a beautiful paint mare, about 11 years old, named Frosty. One blue eye, personality plus, I was smitten. I've had her for 4 years, have had her with trainers, been taking weekly lessons on her most of that time. She still scares me. She is so opinionated, and she has my number. She will go along with what I ask until she is tired of it, and then let's me know she's done. I am not the boss.

My goal was that by age 60 (10 mo's away) I would be able to load her in a trailer and take her for a traill ride. I now know I will never have the confidence to do that. The last time we tried to load her (there were 3 of us) it took forever. The bottom line is that although I love this horse, I don't think I'll ever feel I can ride her outside of my arena, and even then not without someone there as morale support.

I've always had dogs and cats, and for me, those are pets for life. I feel the same way about Frosty, but I know most horse owners feel differently. It's impractical to have a horse that you don't feel comfortable riding, not to mention expensive, and not the most optimum situation for the horse either.

I guess I'm looking for permission to move her on to a home where she would be loved, but also ridden. I never thought I would consider this, but yesterday, after she raced by me and aimed a kick at my head (she missed) I am re-thinking the situation.

Sorry to be so long winded.....any thoughts out there?
Thanks.
First of all, congratulations!! You made a big decision, to reach for a great goal, and you went for it. And you stuck with it, even when it got hard and scary and every survival instinct in you told you to give up. It takes a lot of lady-balls for that, so pat on the back. You're awesome.

Second, you already know the right answer here, you've admitted as much. Your horse will be much happier, regardless of who owns her, when she doesn't have to be the boss of a predator (aka, human). She's begging to be put in her place. Can you be the one to put here there? Not without help.

Some horses are just much more strong-willed than others; where you are in your riding career, you need one less so or you need a different kind of training than you've had so far. There's no shame in that!

You did the right thing buying a more experienced horse, but experienced doesn't always mean willing. And also, riding lessons don't teach you a heck of a lot with regard to becoming herd boss. You need some ground work training, to show you how to assert yourself in the horse's eyes.

Can you learn using videos? Yes. (I recommend Sean Patrick and Clinton Anderson). But if you're really low on confidence, and it sounds like you are, you'd be better off with a live trainer coming to your facility and showing you the ropes with whatever horse you have, be it this one or a new one. No matter what horse you have, you should have these skills. Even a dead broke willing horse can turn into a jerk if you're lacking skills on the ground.

I just sold a difficult mare, a horse we planned to keep forever. She was a sweet girl, but just too dominant, too stubborn, and too much work, frankly. We got a new horse who's just a dream to work with and she's happy at her new place doing trail rides every day out in the mountains where she came from. Not every horse-human match is a good one.

From what you've said, it sounds like it's time for both you and this horse to move on ... OR .... it's time to turn the page and start a whole new relationship together with the help of a well-qualified trainer who can show you the ground work end of things.

Either way, you're going to be okay. Don't give up on your dream. You can do this.
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“When I bestride him, I soar, I am a hawk: he trots the air; the earth sings when he touches it; the basest horn of his hoof is more musical than the pipe of Hermes. ” ~ William Shakespeare
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post #35 of 43 Old 02-11-2015, 10:02 PM
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My trainer told me I had the skill to ride the big, beautiful, athletic paint I bought on impulse... But more importantly did I WANT to?

The answer was no. I was afraid of him and began dreading even going to the barn.

I now have a new horse that is perfect for me. Moving on was the best horse decision I ever made.

(BTW the link in my signature tells the story of me finding the courage to move on).
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post #36 of 43 Old 02-12-2015, 10:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrhancock View Post
Thank you so much, everyone. You don't know how much I appreciate the feedback and reassurance. My trainer says she thinks I will someday be confident and strong enough to manage Frosty but I think she just wants to be encouraging. We are going to have a heart to heart talk about it.
THANK YOU!!
Sounds like your trainer has your number as well. As long as you have Frosty your trainer has a guaranteed income. If you are happy with that then that would be fine but it sounds like you want something that YOU can handle without help. It could mean finding a new trainer ( I assume this one is for you and the horse) or better yet an instructor for you where you are riding several horses and working on confidence. Nothing wrong with admitting fears or that you are over horsed. Moving one down the line where a better fit is possible is a good thing for both of you.
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post #37 of 43 Old 02-12-2015, 10:20 AM
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I think everyone has given great advice. No shame in moving on. Better for you both. Find one that you are comfortable with that gives you what you want out of the relationship.
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post #38 of 43 Old 02-12-2015, 10:26 AM
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Sell her! I've ridden (off and on) most of my life, but my confidence was DESTROYED by a little auction horse I fell in love with. I had him several years, came off multiple times, sent me to the ER once. Did he get better? Yes, but at a huge cost to me. I spent so much time saying "he WANTS to be a good horse!" my hubby said he was having it engraved on my headstone, lol. I found him a home with a teenage girl with a trainer and moved on. That was ten years ago and I'm still anxious on a new horse. I'm 56 and the two horses I ride the most are a 13 yr old mare (she's a rock star!) and I'm just getting to know my new gelding, an 8 yr old Paint. You CAN trailride or do anything else you want with the RIGHT horse.
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post #39 of 43 Old 02-12-2015, 03:24 PM Thread Starter
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All of you have raised some VERY good points, and given me much to think about. I had a heart-to-heart with my trainer today, too, and she has some good ideas. I like her, I trust her, and I believe she wants me to be successful, whichever path I choose.
Thank you all so much.
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post #40 of 43 Old 02-12-2015, 04:49 PM
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From someone that is 62, move on to another horse. I had a great solid black THW that i felt was great. But I was the only one that could control her. Everyone, including the vet, was afraid of her. After a year, I sold her. Could I handle her, maybe.(sometime we think we are better then we are). She went to a good barn with a good trainer and back to the show ring, where she was great. GREAT HORSE, BUT NOT FOR ME.
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