I'm so sorry! My first horse died of colic. It took me a long time to be able to get through the day without crying about it. I actually went suicidal for a while and usually if I had feelings like that, I would go ride horses to get it out of my system, but I couldn't and that made it worse. But...keep going, concentrate on the horse you are leasing, train him to do something new. Dream about your old horse, and... read this poem. I don't know who it's from, but I still read it every day and it fills me with hope.
MY GRANDEST FOAL
I'll lend you for a little while
My grandest foal, He said.
For you to love while she's alive
And morn for when she's dead.
It may be one or twenty years,
Or days or months , you see.
But, will you, till I take her back,
Take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have treasured memories
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But, there are lessons taught on earth
I want this foal to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
With trust, I have selected you.
Now will you give her your total love?
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come
To take her back again?
I know you'll give her tenderness
And love will bloom each day.
And for the happiness you've known!
Forever grateful stay.
But should I come and call for her
Much sooner than you'd planned
You'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And someday you'll understand.
For though I'll call her home to Me
This promise to you I do make,
For all the love and care you gave
She'll wait for you, inside Heaven's Gate.