My horse doesn't enjoy spending time with me, thoughts? - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 30 Old 04-21-2015, 01:13 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 387
• Horses: 3
Gilbert and I seemed to make a connection with each other from day 1. When I 1st purchased him, on a months trial, I could call him and he would run across the pasture and meet me at the gate. He's perfect on the ground and in the saddle. But yet, he got bored with me riding him sometimes. I'm still a beginner and he's a been there done that kind of horse that knows so much more than I do. I walk and trot on him , but don't let him run like he wants to. My riding confidence is not there yet. He's 20 and if I put an experienced rider on him, he will go all day.

Vegas, my appy, on the other hand, that's a totally different story. When I first saw him, I thought he was absolutely gorgeous. I took riding lessons on him for awhile before I purchased him, but that connection just wasn't there like I had with Gilbert. Not until he spooked 1 day and dumped my butt on the ground. When he came back for me, stood beside me not moving while I grabbed the reins and pulled myself up off the ground, now that's loyalty. Every since that day he has been my steady companion. I take him for walks and talk to him. Not sure if he know what I'm saying, but he act like he listening. While we're out walking I can drape the lead rope over his shoulder and he just follow me. We don't just walk. I will do some ground school with him while we're taking these walks. I'll lunge him, do the sending exercise, back him up a hill, then let him stop and rest while he does his favorite thing, playing in a puddle of water. After our walk is over, I'll let him graze in a field for a 1/2 hour or so while I sit and relax.

Disregard the date on the picture. LOL I need to reset it. This was taken a few weeks ago.

That's my neighbor riding Vegas. I don't dare go in water with him. I have not been desensitized to bull frogs.
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Last edited by dlady; 04-21-2015 at 01:20 AM.
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post #22 of 30 Old 04-21-2015, 11:48 AM
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 1,178
• Horses: 4
It takes time ( can take years from my experience) and it may not ever happen.

Noticed with my kids they have a much better bond and thats because they have the time to dink around with the horse... maybe not really doing anything but just spending time.

My oldest dd has a very cranky pony but he loves her and is happy to see her when he comes off a couple of thousand acres. He will walk up to her and put his head in the halter.

You just never know.
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post #23 of 30 Old 04-21-2015, 11:50 AM
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 1,178
• Horses: 4
Originally Posted by dlady View Post

That's my neighbor riding Vegas. I don't dare go in water with him. I have not been desensitized to bull frogs.
LOL Way too funny!
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post #24 of 30 Old 04-21-2015, 12:16 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 126
• Horses: 1
Bonds take time, just as everyone had said.
It makes me so sad that horse's aren't like dogs sometimes, but I force myself to believe that my horse loves me in a horsey love kind of way- AKA Trust and Respect.

When I first got Stymie I had a lot of work ahead of me- he refused to be caught, he was head shy, and had no manners. Well with time and a LOT of patience (There were many days I left the barn sobbing as a young teenager thinking my horse hated me and wanted nothing to do with me) we've come very far. We've had 8 years together and now he'll walk up to the gate and do his creepy old man nicker and wait for me to pick his halter up so he can put his head through. He's never been taught with food, in fact I rarely every give him treats just because he's a fat lard. (Sorry Stymie...)
For sheath cleaning he'll try to bash my BO's head in, but with me he stands calm and wouldn't even THINK about trying to kick me. We just have that respect.

I guess to answer your question about how to get a bond (if it's possible between the two of you)-
Groundwork, a LOT of groundwork.

I wish you luck!
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post #25 of 30 Old 04-21-2015, 01:31 PM
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 486
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Originally Posted by tinyliny View Post
hug command? I guess some folks do this sort of stuff, but I am a bit stunned. I would not be teaching my horse to wrap around me. Rather, if I do hand feed him, he is required to back two steps away from me and wait politely.
i'm surprised to hear this.. so many teach your horse to hug stuff on the internet, i never read anything bad about teaching that trick.. Interesting...

Re: any of my advice - Happy to give my two cents, but not an expert... just a girl who loves riding horses!
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post #26 of 30 Old 04-21-2015, 02:21 PM
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Central Hill Country Texas
Posts: 5,551
• Horses: 5
How to bond with your horse.....every once in a while, spend time with them in which you ask absolutely nothing more of them than polite company.
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post #27 of 30 Old 05-08-2015, 02:03 PM
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 33
• Horses: 0
Smile Bonding is Key

Bonding is literally the best thing you can do with horses. You don't need treats to bond btw
To bond, it's always great to go into a round pen (if you have one) or any inclosed place such as your arena. I personally believe in liberty techniques when bonding which means using absolutely no force.
For example, to teach tricks, I use trust, voice cues, and touch. But if you feel the need to use force (crops, whips, ropes, etc.), there is absolutely no problem with that. As long as you are not hurting the horse.
Anyways, the best ways to bond is just teaching your horse to trust you and listen to you. Do tricks, join up in the round pen, etc.
Take it slow and do whatever you feel comfortable doing.
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post #28 of 30 Old 05-11-2015, 01:17 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 513
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My advice would be to get your horse to look to you as a leader, not just a rider. Groundwork, moving the feet to get to the mind. As others have mentioned though, sometimes you just don't click, and that's ok. I have a great bond with my mare. But the other two mares I work, while they are obedient and respectful/compliant, I just don't have that feeling of connection with them like I do my mare.

My blog ~Life and Horses~
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post #29 of 30 Old 05-11-2015, 02:27 PM
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: North Hollywood, CA
Posts: 294
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No horse likes to spend time with their owner or rider. Now, having said that provocative statement. Let me explain.

Horses are animals of convenient. They are extremely efficient animals. So horses choose to be with those (their species or not) that provide the greatest amount to offer. For the most part, if you establish a partnership with your horse. They will never leave your side.

Without getting deep in the weeds. You just need to get a horse to hook on to you. They never forget. If you get a horse to hook on to you. You have shown them, you are a good leader. They will always follow. Even a stallion will choose to say with a person in the presents of a mare in heat. Just do a hook on session (commonly called Join-up). It works every time.

Now in the saddle. It's the same thing. To keep a horse hooked on to you. You must lead them. Always tell them when to move, in which direction to move, and how fast to move. Never let a horse anticipate. They are impelled to anticipate by there DNA to be efficient. If a horse anticipates and usually will guess correctly. You go or do the opposite thing. This strengthens the partnership.

What is the partnership. It's a social contract. You promise to be the leader, and the horse promise to keep you to that promise. During the hooking on you told the horse in it's language (whether you wanted to or not), "I am the leader and I free you of that responsibility." The horse expected you to already know, "great, you lead and I'll test you to keep you honest." The social contract is expected to be known by both parties, the second you don't hold up your end of the contract the deal is off. The horse is free to take over as leader. Horses hate to be leaders. Humans enjoy being leaders. It's a partnership made in lush fields of tall green grass in Heaven.
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post #30 of 30 Old 05-12-2015, 11:51 AM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: I'm an American girl living in southwest France
Posts: 1,563
• Horses: 6
For me what worked was groundwork. I worked her until she was really tired and then let her come to me and gave her some pats and a carrot. We did this several times and she came to me faster and faster (lazy beast that she is) and with a great attitude. Now she's very attentive and seems to be waiting to see what I'm going to ask her to do next. When she sees I'm relaxed, she's relaxed. For some horses it just takes longer. If you just bought her in December, you still need to put in more time.
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