Questionable trainer behavior....help! - Page 8 - The Horse Forum
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post #71 of 118 Old 04-15-2016, 05:30 PM
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you are paying her for a service and if that serves is unsatisfactory dont pay for it and go elsewhere :). you dont HAVE to explain ANYTHING to her. just say i can no longer can take lesson at this time. simple :). horses are supposed to be fun. and wasting money on an toxic environment is not worth it. leave and find a better place. be upfront with the new one you find. say what your goals are and what learning environment you need. its your money and you can always go elsewhere!
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post #72 of 118 Old 04-15-2016, 05:31 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by whisperbaby22 View Post
Going back to the comment about the person saying sorry haven't fed the horses yet - that is OK if the horses are in pasture, if they are where there is no food available except what they are fed, it is definitely not OK.
No, they are usually in stalls. Is that what they're called? The gated individual areas.
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post #73 of 118 Old 04-15-2016, 05:34 PM Thread Starter
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you are paying her for a service and if that serves is unsatisfactory dont pay for it and go elsewhere :). you dont HAVE to explain ANYTHING to her. just say i can no longer can take lesson at this time. simple :). horses are supposed to be fun. and wasting money on an toxic environment is not worth it. leave and find a better place. be upfront with the new one you find. say what your goals are and what learning environment you need. its your money and you can always go elsewhere!
Thanks! Im not sure what my goals are. I need help with figuring that out, but she never has time to talk. She is not one who is going to conform or adjust to my needs of not being torn a new butthole by a rabid honey badger. LOL! She hasn't done it yet but I feel its inevitable after watching her with others.
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post #74 of 118 Old 04-15-2016, 05:55 PM
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On the anxiety issue - and on the issue of whether or not you could ever own a horse in your response to my last comment: horses are absolutely amazing therapists. I'm not saying you should have one now or ever! I commend you on being level-headed enough to realize that it's a huge responsibility that should not be taken on lightly or on a whim. Too many people come to this forum with questions like: "how do I convince my parents that I can have my own horse even though I've never been near one in my life?" LOL

BUT, what I want to say is that in the right barn, with the right people, you may find that spending time with horses is the most calming thing you can do for yourself. Here's the thing about these amazing animals - they're so intuitive, they can sense how you're feeling and will respond accordingly. You need to be fully in the moment and aware of your emotions to really connect with them. But once you see that connection happening, there will be no going back. To me, it's not about the riding. Riding my horse, or watching my daughter ride him, is a joy, but the best parts of having a horse are the quiet moments. When he's in his paddock without a halter and chooses to be with me. When he nickers in his stall because he recognizes my footsteps. And when we learn something new and make progress TOGETHER.

What I would suggest is that once you find a better barn, consider leasing a very quiet beginner horse. There is a lot to be said about just having a little one-on-one time with a horse. Preferably in an empty arena where there is no judgment or chaos around you. I have an aunt who did that for years with a lovely horse for a very minimal cost. The owner didn't have enough time to rider her horse so my aunt rode her once or twice a week. She also went to the barn to groom her, bring her treats, etc. It's very confidence-building to be alone with the horse and much less stressful. If you don't want to lease, at least find a barn where you can offer to do things like groom, even muck out stalls once in a while. My colleagues laugh at the idea of me shoveling manure, but I tell them at least the manure knows what it is and doesn't pretend to be something it's not.

Happy journey and enjoy the ride! There will be negative experiences along the way, but mostly, it's a rewarding, amazing experience.
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post #75 of 118 Old 04-15-2016, 07:07 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Acadianartist View Post
On the anxiety issue - and on the issue of whether or not you could ever own a horse in your response to my last comment: horses are absolutely amazing therapists. I'm not saying you should have one now or ever! I commend you on being level-headed enough to realize that it's a huge responsibility that should not be taken on lightly or on a whim. Too many people come to this forum with questions like: "how do I convince my parents that I can have my own horse even though I've never been near one in my life?" LOL

BUT, what I want to say is that in the right barn, with the right people, you may find that spending time with horses is the most calming thing you can do for yourself. Here's the thing about these amazing animals - they're so intuitive, they can sense how you're feeling and will respond accordingly. You need to be fully in the moment and aware of your emotions to really connect with them. But once you see that connection happening, there will be no going back. To me, it's not about the riding. Riding my horse, or watching my daughter ride him, is a joy, but the best parts of having a horse are the quiet moments. When he's in his paddock without a halter and chooses to be with me. When he nickers in his stall because he recognizes my footsteps. And when we learn something new and make progress TOGETHER.

What I would suggest is that once you find a better barn, consider leasing a very quiet beginner horse. There is a lot to be said about just having a little one-on-one time with a horse. Preferably in an empty arena where there is no judgment or chaos around you. I have an aunt who did that for years with a lovely horse for a very minimal cost. The owner didn't have enough time to rider her horse so my aunt rode her once or twice a week. She also went to the barn to groom her, bring her treats, etc. It's very confidence-building to be alone with the horse and much less stressful. If you don't want to lease, at least find a barn where you can offer to do things like groom, even muck out stalls once in a while. My colleagues laugh at the idea of me shoveling manure, but I tell them at least the manure knows what it is and doesn't pretend to be something it's not.

Happy journey and enjoy the ride! There will be negative experiences along the way, but mostly, it's a rewarding, amazing experience.
You are truly a wise and kind soul. We need more of that in the world! She said I should lease my lesson horse right before he was purchased. I can't afford to at the time. I might be imagining it, but I feel like I get the silent treatment ever since. She used to be more chatty, but now she won't even acknowledge me when I'm around.

I think everyone here can agree that they are very addicting and therapeutic! I haven't fallen off yet, but it's inevitable. We did accidently jump a cross rail recently--yes, accidentally. We were near one and I didn't steer him away in time. Sooo, that was exciting. Lol! I would definitely like some alone time without pressure. I hope my schedule and pocketbook allow soon. Can't do a lot of unnecessary spending while trying to pre-qualify for a house.

I wouldn't laugh at you. I understand! And that's hilarious and true! So much snootiness and competitiveness around the farm. I wish they'd loosen up and remember to laugh--at themselves, especially. So serious and cold all the time! Thank you!
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post #76 of 118 Old 04-16-2016, 12:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Scubasmitten View Post
#3 I don't think keeping them is cruel but I often wonder what they want and what would make them happy, rather than putting my need before theirs.
This right here makes me wish you were here for the last several days. I have 2 mares due to foal and friends who came out from California to watch them and learn about horse keeping and what's all involved in caring for them, foaling, caring for the foal...everything in short. They got here Tues night late and up with me on Weds morning and have followed me around, helping as directed, cooking, cleaning and being hot & cold running horse servants, trying to make sure they want for nothing and have their every whim attended to.

Tonight especially would have really given you an eye full. We gave Patti, the first mare due, what I call her Pregnant Princess Mare treatment to get her ready for the birthing. We used a shedding blade all over to remove itchy loose hair, then brushed her all over real good, then put Excalibur on her teats to clean them, brushed her tail & mane and braided them up for neatness, then rinsed her teats clean with water HRH said was the proper temperature. She spent the entire time either making the "OMG that feels SOOOOOOO good" lip/face or relaxed and let her head down so low I practically had to kneel to do her mane. That mare was blissed out. We got back in the house about 9 pm. I don't even want to talk about "my needs before theirs", that just isn't how things get done around here. The horses eat first, get their rooms cleaned first, get their blankets before I buy a winter jacket, etc etc etc. Trust me, once you get the hang of things and get comfortable around a horse, you won't be feeling guilty about having one. You'll be way to busy being a handmaiden to a horse to worry about things like guilt.

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post #77 of 118 Old 04-16-2016, 12:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Acadianartist View Post
My colleagues laugh at the idea of me shoveling manure, but I tell them at least the manure knows what it is and doesn't pretend to be something it's not.
This right here wins the Internet for the Day!

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post #78 of 118 Old 04-16-2016, 03:21 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Dreamcatcher Arabians View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scubasmitten View Post
#3 I don't think keeping them is cruel but I often wonder what they want and what would make them happy, rather than putting my need before theirs.
This right here makes me wish you were here for the last several days. I have 2 mares due to foal and friends who came out from California to watch them and learn about horse keeping and what's all involved in caring for them, foaling, caring for the foal...everything in short. They got here Tues night late and up with me on Weds morning and have followed me around, helping as directed, cooking, cleaning and being hot & cold running horse servants, trying to make sure they want for nothing and have their every whim attended to.

Tonight especially would have really given you an eye full. We gave Patti, the first mare due, what I call her Pregnant Princess Mare treatment to get her ready for the birthing. We used a shedding blade all over to remove itchy loose hair, then brushed her all over real good, then put Excalibur on her teats to clean them, brushed her tail & mane and braided them up for neatness, then rinsed her teats clean with water HRH said was the proper temperature. She spent the entire time either making the "OMG that feels SOOOOOOO good" lip/face or relaxed and let her head down so low I practically had to kneel to do her mane. That mare was blissed out. We got back in the house about 9 pm. I don't even want to talk about "my needs before theirs", that just isn't how things get done around here. The horses eat first, get their rooms cleaned first, get their blankets before I buy a winter jacket, etc etc etc. Trust me, once you get the hang of things and get comfortable around a horse, you won't be feeling guilty about having one. You'll be way to busy being a handmaiden to a horse to worry about things like guilt.
Aww, that is awesome to hear. What lucky horses you have! Not all horses get good treatment...especially my last lesson horse. I should have known what I was in for when my instructor told me not to go "poor baby". It was in response to her giving me his history (couple divorced, horses were left with bitter husband. They had no children, so he took it out on the horses to get at the ex wife. He starved 2 out of 3 to death. My horse was emaciated, had buck shot in him and was slashed up.) Then she said don't pity them. It's either they're here performing their duties, and being obedient or they're slaughtered...which I understand is true, but I will feel sorry for him if I want to! Gosh. :/ That's a horrible thing to endure. I'm not going to treat him like an object and pretend he doesn't have feelings. So sad. At least he's somewhat happy now, aside from being smacked around and kicked by my instructor. Maybe she'll keep her hands off him now that he's been purchased. He is still being boarded there. I wish I had the time, but I can't step away often with a little one and no daycare right now. What you do for a living, exactly? I would have loved to had been there if I could. I'd have gone to school for nursing if I didn't have an icky immune deficiency. I enjoy caring for people and animals. Its funny, because my husband hates it! God forbid I take care of that man. His masculinity is at stake! His man card may be revoked. Bahaha. Men. I'm up late worrying about my lesson in the morning. I'd much rather work with animals than people. People are meeean! Lol
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post #79 of 118 Old 04-16-2016, 03:23 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Dreamcatcher Arabians View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Acadianartist View Post
My colleagues laugh at the idea of me shoveling manure, but I tell them at least the manure knows what it is and doesn't pretend to be something it's not.
This right here wins the Internet for the Day!
I'd have to agree LOL
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post #80 of 118 Old 04-16-2016, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Scubasmitten View Post
Aww, that is awesome to hear. What lucky horses you have! Not all horses get good treatment...especially my last lesson horse. I should have known what I was in for when my instructor told me not to go "poor baby". It was in response to her giving me his history (couple divorced, horses were left with bitter husband. They had no children, so he took it out on the horses to get at the ex wife. He starved 2 out of 3 to death. My horse was emaciated, had buck shot in him and was slashed up.) Then she said don't pity them. It's either they're here performing their duties, and being obedient or they're slaughtered...which I understand is true, but I will feel sorry for him if I want to! Gosh. :/ That's a horrible thing to endure. I'm not going to treat him like an object and pretend he doesn't have feelings. So sad. At least he's somewhat happy now, aside from being smacked around and kicked by my instructor. Maybe she'll keep her hands off him now that he's been purchased. He is still being boarded there. I wish I had the time, but I can't step away often with a little one and no daycare right now. What you do for a living, exactly? I would have loved to had been there if I could. I'd have gone to school for nursing if I didn't have an icky immune deficiency. I enjoy caring for people and animals. Its funny, because my husband hates it! God forbid I take care of that man. His masculinity is at stake! His man card may be revoked. Bahaha. Men. I'm up late worrying about my lesson in the morning. I'd much rather work with animals than people. People are meeean! Lol
You know what? That is a "poor baby" story and one that would make ME think fond thoughts of visiting some rough justice on the idiot that mistreated that poor horse. Horses are such wonderfully trusting and forgiving animals, much more than a lot of folks deserve.

Your trainer is right but, IMO unnecessarily jaundiced in her views, in being so accepting of the sad lot of a lot of horses. To say, "They're either hear working or going to slaughter.", is painting with a too narrow vision. My friends and I were talking and I made the comment about one of my mares, that even if I could never ride her again (for whatever reason, me or her), I would not sell her. She will have a home here until she dies.

I am chief cook and bucket washer and manure picker for 8 adult horses and 2 soon to be born foals. When I'm not working here, caring for them, I work part time as a roving patient services rep for a large medical corporation. Mostly I'm the barn help with some assistance from a college girl who comes in daily to handle some of the chores with me.

My horses ARE spoiled, rotten. My husband says that I buy "Gucci Blankets" for them and shop the GW (Good Will) Boutique for me. It's not quite that bad, but I do make sure they get what they need before I spend anything on anything I don't feel is a necessity. They are spoiled if you consider that they are well fed, kept safe, groomed to within an inch of their lives, loved on, and asked to work occasionally. They are not spoiled to the extent that I allow them to be dangerous or disrespectful.

My friends, who are considering buying a horse or 2, are new to horse keeping. They ride at what I call Beginner - Intermediate Trail level. They can stick most things that would happen on a trail ride, but have not been trained to show, which they're also considering learning about. They came out here to see the day in, day out work and care for horses to see if it's something they want to take on or if they would rather have horses in a boarding situation. One thing that has struck them is that they can walk out into my pastures with my horses and they are not worried about being injured because my horses all understand 'personal space'. They also like that the horses come up, one at a time, for pets and loving and then move on and let the next horse in. They get that that is consistent handling and training, not something the horses just do on their own. They've been here a week and I have not raised my voice, my hand or my foot to a single horse. I would if needed, but it hasn't been needed.

LOL! Husbands are silly, vain creatures. They are either like yours or they turn into complete babies that all but want a diaper change when they're sick or injured. There doesn't seem to be any in between.
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