Thanks All -
Got her moved today. I have great respect for a good trainer now. My mare was far better than when I sent her to boot camp a couple of weeks ago. Not perfect, but now I know how to work with her. She wanted to hurry out, but started paying attention when I wouldn't let her... and then took it one slow step at a time, as she has been taught. She kept looking at me with the worried eyes, but really did great. Loading was similar. Didn't wanna, but no drama. She traveled fine. We definitely were efficient to minimize standing. All-in-all a good experience. I'll keep working on it, and hopefully will get the chance to put in some miles.
Sounds like you had an excellent day. A trick that I use more to remind ME to slow down with a worried horse, more than the horse but it still works as a verbal cue to them too, is I let them turn around and face out the back of the trailer (I have a really wide slant load and even my biggest horse turns around with ease) and we walk to the back edge of the trailer and I say, "Whoa" and give a tug down on the lead rope. I tell them to "Stand", looking out of the trailer, some will even stick head and neck out the back and that's ok as long as the feet whoa. Then I take one step and say, "Step" and I stop and wait for one step from them and then I take another step and say, "Step" and so on. If they get worried, I say "Whoa" and then "Look around, it's ok" and give them a second to regroup. My ramp is about 4 steps long and I make them take slow, controlled steps down the ramp, straight down the middle or we back up and do it again until they do it right. No fuss, no punishment, no ......nothing, just back up and repeat until they slow down and start to listen. If there's no ramp, then I do everything up to "Whoa" and then I step off and move to a side, so if they freak and come out too fast or God forfend, jump, then I'm not going to get landed on. I've never had that happen but have seen horses get airborn out of other trailers. I tell the horse "Step down", one foot at a time until the two fronts are on the ground, then I step forward and say, "Step" and walk them out until all 4 feet are out of the trailer. On a step down (I hate working with them because I have short legs and it's a PIA to jump up and down a bunch), if they get a little too quick or rush, then I either back them back up into the trailer or if they come all the way out without permission, we load back up and do it again, and again, and again, until they get it. Again, no fuss, no cuss, just rinse, repeat, repeat. Pretty soon, they decide they can slowly and in a controlled manner come out of any trailer they're in.
Once they're good with going in and getting off in a controlled manner, we move on to the sending them in. Also, if a horse is acting REALLY worried when it's time to unload, I will back them out, that automatically slows them down because they have to feel for the edge of the trailer or where the ramp is leading them. One step at a time, take 2 and we come back in and do it again.