When Dad says "No!" - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 05:14 AM Thread Starter
Weanling
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Oregon, PDX Area
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When Dad says "No!"

Basically I've wanted a horse ever since I started lessons, and Dad keeps saying no without listening to me. What do I do? Nothing?

But first of all before I get into this, I'd just like to say my family is actually quite well-off, especially money, time, and social wise. My Dad is an adoption attorney who gets 300 bucks an hour, every time his client calls. While I won't specify really how much he gets, or how much we have, I'll make it ubundantly clear that we have enough money to easily take care of a horse. I have enough money from selling art and items and babysitting, to contribute a lot.
I am super thankful for what i do get, though. The thing is, we do a ton of offroading and quads and dine buggys. We own a quad for each family member, and thats nice. We also go camping every two weeks in the summer in our motorhome, too. But the thing is, I don't really enjoy it all that much. I'd rather ride horses, and it's one of the things that's preventing me from getting/renting/sponsoring one. We go camping so much, there's no way we could own a horse at this point.
Dad also said we could get a horse if we worked at a stable for a year. Well I have. And he still says no.
He always says to make a list of pros and cons, and make a appeal, and I've made quite a few, ten page, detailed spreadsheets and lists. But he ignores all those, too. I'll come up to him while he's watching the tv, or were eating dinner, and say, "Can we discuss horse's now?"
And he'll go into "no no nooooo" mode.
We have the money. We live on a horse zoned property. I have the experience. I have the knowledge. We have the mentors. I have the dedication. I'm old enough to stay home alone.
How do I convince him to divert my camping time, into horse time? How do I convince him to even listen to my points? Horse's are so beneficial, and I can't even get him to tell me WHY I can't even start leasing or renting a horse.


So what do i do, and how??

A dog may be man's best friend,
but the horse wrote history.
EmberScarlet is offline  
post #2 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 09:29 AM
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Let it go for now. You don't say how long you've been taking lessons, how old you are, or any of the things we adults would use as criteria. Whether or not your property is horse property doesn't matter if dad doesn't want to deal with the smelly things at home. How much money HE makes doesn't mean he wants to spend it on a horse for YOU, it's his money and he knows how he's obligated to spend it.

You say you've been taking lessons, so find out how much full board and training is per month and exactly what all it includes. Detail out on a piece of paper exactly what you can offer that would make it worthwhile to your dad to pay that bill every single month. How close to home is the stable? Can you walk or drive yourself or does someone have to drive you and wait for you?

The quads and dune buggies are all a FAMILY thing, the horse is a YOU thing. It sounds like dad wants you to participate in family time and work on your family relationships.

The next time you ask him about horses and he says, "NO" ask him if he'll tell you what his objections are and be quiet and listen. He's got some objections, you need to know what they are so you can know IF you can work around them or is it just going to be, "NO" from now on. It kind of sounds like he didn't want to say no outright when he set the working at the stable requirements.

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post #3 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 09:53 AM
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You are lucky to get lessons. You need to be respectful of the decision. Horse care particularly at home more than just money(adding HUGE insurance and buildings to a property), and can truly be a huge money pit. Some people are willing and able to own, but they are a LUXURY.

You go to college, make your own money and hope afford to get a horse on your own one day. I love my critters, but they are a sacrifice to keep so many and keep them at home.
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post #4 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 10:02 AM
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I know it's hard, but you may just have to wait until you move out and get a job so you can have your horse. I've met parents who are dead set against their kids even taking riding lessons and no amount of their kid pleading will change their minds. It is what it is. Keep taking lessons, spend time at the barn by offering to help out with chores, learn as much as you can about care, health and training so that when the time comes, you will already have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips!
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post #5 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 10:32 AM
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I was sort of in the same position as you. I found that begging never works, but ambition and a strong work ethic does. It could be that your dad wants to see even more maturity and for you to fully take financial responsibility yourself, without help from him. Horses aren't part of your life, they are your life, especially if you can keep them at home with you. It's a huge responsibility.
To be honest, by the time my dad gave the ok for me to get a horse, I had pretty much given up on it. I developed a mind set that if I worked hard enough here and now, then I could put it in the fund for a horse when I moved out. After I quite begging and nagging, he started to take me seriously. Now I have two horses, and my dad has one. So there is hope!

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort, you will not get either comfort or truth; only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. -C.S. Lewis
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post #6 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 10:46 AM
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I thought your dad was an EMT? You are young from what you write I'd have to guess 12 or 13? That says dad's word is law. Now is family time and it sounds like he has given what he is prepared to give by paying for lessons and allowing you to "work" at a stable. You say you are well off but the reality is that has nothing to do with whether you should have a horse or not. As your parent your dad has the final say on how his money is spent. No amount of begging and pleading would convince me to allow my son to do something I did not see as a benefit to the rest of the family especially if it took one member away from family time consistently especially at your age. Being handed spreadsheets and the like would do nothing more than aggravate the situation. Horses are work. They take time and money as well as a host of things you have likely not even considered. I am sure for your situation your dad has. I was once a horse crazy youngster that wanted nothing more than to have one of my own. Unlike you I was not given lessons or the opportunity to work with them. I was lucky to have one camp experience where they had horses. One glorious week and then I was never sent back - who knows why. There were a couple of vacations where we did go on trail rides. Couple means two over my entire childhood. Two. You, I think, would benefit from sitting back and enjoying what you have instead of pushing for something you father has already said no about. respect his decision and place in your life as the adult in charge of the welfare of your entire family. You are not entitled to anything other than the roof over your head, food on your plate and clothes on your back and there are many kids that don't even get that. You have life really good. Enjoy what you have.
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post #7 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 10:48 AM
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When you are doing those spreadsheets and plans, print this out as well. I couldn't agree more.

10 Reasons Your Teenage Daughter Should Own a Horse
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post #8 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 11:03 AM
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As a "Dad" that just got done finishing our property for our first horses and recently brought them home, i can tell you that having the money is just a small part of it. It is a lot of work getting everything ready and safe for them. It was nerve racking for me stressing about the safety of securing them and making sure everything was right. Then there is the time involved. Getting up every morning in the cold to feed them. Cleaning water trough and refilling. Shoveling poop. Lots and lots of poop. And more poop... Then what to do with the poop? Big enough truck to pull a horse trailer? Cost of horse trailer. Maintenance of horse trailer. Time involved to meet farrier. Time involved to meet vet. Time involved to load horses in trailer and get to trainer or lessons etc... Lots and lots of time and a complete change in life style.

Then there is the stress as a non horse parent stressing over the safety of your child being on your horse. I find kids often get over confident on lesson horses and think its easy to find a horse like that. It's not. A child safe horse takes a LOT of time spent on it. I was very nervous the first few times my kid rode our horse. They are great horses and I don't regret it, but just a few things to think about. Parents care deeply for the safety of their children. I love having our horses, but it took me a while to get the mindset that I was confident to make the decision to change the entire lifestyle of our family to get our own horses.

Not sure if your trying to talk your father into horses at your residence or just boarding them, but there was my concerns and thought process above as a father with a young daughter that had been in lessons for a long time.

To give you an idea of our startup costs as we were getting ready to get our horses, we already had the trucks to pull trailer, already had the tractor and acreage. I did all the labor around the property-

horse trailer- $11,000
Loafing Sheds- $5000
Coral infront of sheds- $3000
Pasture fence 1100' $5000
1st horse $3500
2nd horse from family $1000
3 months training $2700
2 saddles and tack $3500
trough and supplies $500

Over $30k just to start. This does not include monthly feed costs, farrier etc.

It is a lot cheaper to buy a kid a new car! :) Best of luck. Be respectful of your father and keep showing him your hard work and responsibility. You might try to convince him to go to the lessons and actually ride with you. Maybe if he spends a bit of time on a horse he will come around. That is how my daughter started to bend my mind. I started to want them for hunting and trail riding. As much as you think you will do all the work, you will be gone at times or when you go to college and eventually at the end of the day your father is responsible for them.

Last edited by 98ramtough; 12-31-2016 at 11:16 AM.
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post #9 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 11:12 AM
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"I love having our horses, but it took me a while to get the mindset that I was confident to make the decision to change the entire lifestyle of our family to get our own horses."

THIS^^^ Bolding is mine. Even one horse whether boarded or on your property impacts EVERY family member. EVERY family member. Dad, mom, other sibs. If everyone is not on board then resentment builds.
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post #10 of 40 Old 12-31-2016, 11:20 AM
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Totally agree HotRodz. Even the family members that don't ride or love horses will be greatly impacted. For my family it will mean less time camping and playing in the boat. Less time doing other sports etc. For our family it will work for the better as everyone started to shift to wanting to spend more time with horses. But the resentment would be there if that was not the case.
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